I’m Burning Out.


I don’t know why I can’t seem to write anymore. My ideas are all muddled and I can’t focus anymore. I used to be able to be inspired when someone else was reading, now I have so much on my mind that my brain is never relaxed. When I hang out with my friends, its even worse. Right now,no one seems to understand where I am coming from. They look at me funny when I walk under a pier and get all excited because I found an inspiring place to write or to get ideas from.

It’s really frustrating when you have writer friends but you are not hanging out with them. My writer friends know exactly why am I  thinking so hugely . I am so self-absorbed that the other friends who are not writers  don’t understand why I am acting like this. I wish my other friends could just get in my brain for one day so they can see what I am seeing. Everything is a potential story. Every person you meet is another potential character. Every song you listen to is a potential motivational song. Does anyone else think this way?

As much as I want to be an editor and critque things for a living, I need to learn how to critque my own work. It’s so difficult because you know what you want it to sound like and changing it is like taking out the inner voice and putting a motified version instead.I miss my best friend just because she was a good editor. She didn’t care about writing but if I asked her, she would sit down for hours and go through my work and break down each sentence. It was amazing. The best thing I ever wrote was edited by her. She was good for something.

I miss the people who are no longer in my life sometimes. My mom always says when I lose friends it  means they aren’t good enough for my future. Most of the time she accurate,but the transition periods are hard. I don’t mind not having a best friend. But  nights like these when I am so burnt  out that a good dose of a girl talk and youtube videos would be something I need,and she isn’t here.

As much as I miss her,she hurt me more then I ever thought she could. I knew months prior to the ending of our friendship that things were getting rocky, but ending it on such a terrible note was something I didn’t want to do once again. I thought since I was getting older and in college, losing friends wasn’t going to be as painful. Guess I was mistaken.

I wasn’t as sad as I thought I was going to be. I was more disappointed. I think I surprised her more by walking away. I don’t think she would ever think I would. I loved her family like they were my own. I would hang out with her mom more then her. I had a key to her house,I was part of the family. In some aspects I miss her and her family and the happiest they both brought me in my life. But in some aspects, I am so happy I got out when I did. I could have gotten into scary situations if I didn’t watch my back.

Miss the great times more so then the bad. I miss the talks at our smoking spots the most. Our conversations were so deep and meaningful that I felt like she was someone who got into my mind and understood what I was saying,no matter how constant I tripped over my words.As much as she didn’t like  some of my decisions,she respected that I was happy. If it meant falling in love with a 30 yr old man, so be it. She let me rant and rave about his stupidity and exciting moments of my life with him. I think she was happy seeing me so happy.

But when she did the inevitable, I was more shocked then words could say. As much she liked seeing me happy,she hated him (or so I thought). She hated how slimy he was. How disrespectful he sometimes was and how just annoying he could sometimes be. Most of the time, I ignored it. It didn’t bother me. But it bothered her.I thought it was weird that she was adimate about not seeing him. I shook it off because I was too busy with my life to even bother.

I miss her. As much as I deny it, I do. She was a great friend in the beginning, but realizing that my entire friendship could have been lies hurts. If she could lie to her mother really well, I don’t why I didn’t think she could of  lied to me  just as good.

I hate liers. The truth always sets you free. I don’t lie anymore. If you have to lie about what your doing, then you shouldn’t be doing it all.

Thanks for the 2 followers I got today, It really made my day

Night,

Sarah

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2 thoughts on “I’m Burning Out.

  1. misscorrigan says:

    Everyone goes through this on one level or another, thank you for sharing. Most of all you have to realize one thing-you are okay. You turned your emotions into a beautiful piece of writing and someday I hope to do the same.

    I will suggest you turn to another art form such as painting for a little while. You can express your emotions abstractly and make sense of them with words-I promise they will come.

  2. True- putting what you’re feeling down on paper is one of the best ways of staying somewhat even-keeled. Don’t stop writing.

Lemme know what you think :)

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