So Today I did absolutly nothing. And for once, I fully enjoyed myself.
For a while, I hated being alone. But now, I crave it. When I am alone, I can empty my brain without distractions. If I don’t want the tv on, I don’t have to. If I want my music on really loud, I can. It’s kind of incredible. I don’t have any siblings, so this quiet time comes more often then I needed it to. Sometimes when I am alone, I don’t really want to be alone. I want to talk to someone. I want company, but days like today, I am extremely thrilled I am alone.
Growing up without siblings wasn’t as hard as I thought it would have been for me. At times yes, of course it was bad. Like when I was 6 yrs old and the only person who would play Barbie’s with me was my dad. It was nice of him but it wasn’t the same.
Last night I went to a concert with my older cousin Joan and her friends. We had a really good time, but I felt like I was being taken care of. I’m 19 years old. I don’t need to be watched at a concert. No one is going to kidnap me. I have realized I will be babied for the rest of my life by my family and there is really nothing I can do about it. As much as I love my family I hate how they are sometimes. I hate how they don’t think I’m capable of taking care of myself. I know my mom does, but my aunts and my cousins don’t. If I get a bloody nose at a concert, I don’t need you to wait for me, I know how to take care of myself.
But I think it all comes back to being an only child. I have been doing things alone my whole life. Most of the time I enjoy it. I don’t have people waiting for me, nor do I have be waiting for other people. I don’t have to be responsible for someone else. I don’t have to accommodate anyone else but myself. It sounds a little selfish but, if you don’t have anyone to worry about all the time then your brain isn’t used to having to worry about anyone but yourself because that’s all you have.
I always wondered what it would have been like to have a sibling. I for one, would not be the person I am if I had a sibling. I would have to share things. I know life would be different. I wouldn’t have the things I have. I don’t think my relationship with my mother would be the same as it now. Maybe if I had a sibling I wouldn’t be babied, but I doubt it.
I love my family, but I need to grow up sometime.
Have a good night