Today I was at a four-way stop in my neighborhood. That four-way stop was where I had my first accident with my car. It was 2 days after I got my license. I was driving for 3months without a license and I never got into an accident, I guess at the time I had the freedom and I felt invincible. I was with my best friend at the time. We were listening to Good Charlotte, we were really into them that summer. Before meeting her, I never really listened to Good Charlotte. I knew a couple of songs because they were on MTV but other than that, I didn’t know them very well. When I rolled up to the four-way stop, I turned down my music and listened. The car on the other end of the street was listening to good charlotte. I looked and there was my best friend, now in her car, listening to music that we listened and sang along with together.
It’s funny how things change over time. If someone told me a year ago today that I wasn’t going to be friends with her I would have laughed in their face. Through all the shit we both had gone through, we were there for each other. Through all the heart breaks and shit she was there to pick me up saying “you know you can do so much better”. I smiled as I wiped the tears off my face every time because I knew I would always have someone telling me I had the potential to get better in my life. I didn’t know that better in life would mean losing her.
As I waved her to go before me because I am still a little wary about that four way stop, she looked at me. I saw it in her face that she was surprised to see me. I wasn’t surprised to see her. Our town is small, so I knew eventually we were going to be driving on the same road at the same time. She let me go before her, because she knew I hated how much I hated waiting. I remember the time I let all the cars go one day because I was afraid. She laughed and said that all other people probably thought I was lost. I wasn’t lost I was just afraid.
Now that she’s no longer in my life, I am not afraid or lost. I have come to terms with the fact I no longer have a best friend.I frankly don’t need one. I am happy and content with my independence. I don’t regret any of the good times. I don’t miss the good times either. They were fun,like sitting on her back porch early in the morning before school and having a cup of coffee and listening to the silence of the graveyard.They were wonderful times. But I must say, I miss one thing. I miss the talks her and I had. I felt like I could tell her everything and she would understand me.
Each person you meet helps you through things in your life. When they can no longer help you, they will leave.Every friendship is like that. There is no such thing as a life long friend. After her, I don’t believe in a best friend. With each friend you have, you trust them differently. Ones can come back into your life, but some cause so much pain that you can’t seen to imagine them ever being part of your life again.
As heart wrenching it is, I don’t need her in my life. she wasn’t there when I needed her the most in my life. If you are someones “best friend” aren’t you suppose to be the one who’s always there, no matter what?
She was great time, don’t get me wrong. But as Eric Church in his song “Those I’ve Loved” :
“She was my best friend and it broke my heart,but I don’t regret the day that she became
One of those I’ve loved along the way”
Good bye, Thanks for Good times. Thanks for teaching me, never to trust a liar.