For the past couple of days, I’ve been feeling really off. I don’t know if its hormonally or emotionally but I’ve felt really off balanced. Each time I’ve tired to write about what is going on in my brain, I come up with nothing because I honeslty didn’t know… well until today atleast.
Today I went to go see my friend Scott. Scott and I have a very weird friendship, but I don’t really want to get into it. But anyway, I was talking to him over dinner about what I expect in a man. I shockingly came up with a short list. It wasn’t a list that was typical to the average woman but Scott wasn’t surprised, he knows I am not a typical girl. I was telling him how I don’t understand why men have to be gentleman, ” old school ” as Scottie said. I mean we can hold our own doors,we can push in our own chairs, we can put on our own jackets. It’s not like we didn’t put on our clothes ourselves about 16 hours before that .
He told me he respects the men who do that. I think its just silly. I like when guys let you keep their articles of clothing like sweat shirts, sweat pants, tee shirts. It’s a weird thing but I thoroughly enjoy being able to feel them around me all the time. Missing them is easier. It’s still not them, but its as close as i am going to get until we see eachother again.
I also like the good night text messege. I don’t get it often but when I do, I am very happy about it. I get giddy because I am the last person he thinks about before he closes his eyes. I find that really amazing and comforting.
I don’t need fancy dinners,jewelry, gifts, I just would like the company. He could be playing temple run for hours and I wouldn’t care. It’s the fact that I can hear his heart beating and I can feel him against me, to me, thats all that matters. When you are in love it doesn’t matter what your doing, as long as your together. It could be as simple as sleeping on a broken down couch for an hour because its raining and you have nothing better to do, or it could be going to dinner and watching the different characters walk in and out of the restaurant and giving them personalities. It doesn’t matter. I personally love giving strangers personalities, its really funny.
The guy for me in my eyes would have to understand that writing is really important to me and I need speace to write and lay my thoughts out on paper everynight. If I kept them in, my brain would explode. If a guy could understand that my brain might work a little differently than others, than he is a keeper to me.My friend Andrew is a writer so he understands why I say things and the meaning of ” writing time”
I enjoy the simple things, like a ” sup” text when I am least expecting it. Or showing up at places or events that I don’t think or expect he is going to be, Ironically calling me when I miss him the most.It’s just the act of being thought of is something I really like. I don’t really need anything else.
Today was really nice. I finally feel balanced.