Finally Closing the Yearbook.


The other day I was talking to my friend Liz about the last year. I have known liz since we were Freshmen in High School. Since now everyone from High School is back for the summer, I wanted to sit down and talk to her. Out of all my friends, I was the only one that didn’t leave home. Some people went to Rutgers( which is really close), My friend Nicole went to New York City, Lisa went to Rhode Island, and Liz went to Massachusetts. It wasn’t easy for them to come home just for a day to hang out. Plus,they all went to four year schools. I went to Community College.

Since they were away, I didn’t pout until they came home, I went out and got new friends from my college. I wasn’t going to be dependent on them. During the year for Holidays, they came home but I didn’t see them really. Whenever Liz was home I’d see her because she was the closest to me out of the group of friends we had. Liz and I are so polar opposites that we get along. She is a type of girl who is NEVER going to judge me, she maybe a little disappointed but she would never judge me.

So as I sat in Applebee’s having our celebratory “pudding shots” we started talking about the group from High School. Since all of them were away, I realized I didn’t miss them as much as I thought I was going to. I was living my life, as they were living their’s. I was talking to my friend Lisa the other day and she told me that it seemed like I was pushing everyone away, I wasn’t calling them to hang out or anything because now everyone is home. I thought about that for a second and realized that I am so used to being alone that asking these people to hang out is not in my mind because I am not used to them being home. I am used to seeing my college friends. I am used to seeing the other people like Scottie, and Cheekz and friends from jobs like Brittany and others. I am used to the group I have. I have grown to become independent without these other  people.

I don’t mean to push these people away, I am just not used to them being here. Everything has changed ALOT in one year. A year ago this time I was graduating High School. I had a completely different best friend, I didn’t worry so much, I was so wrapped up with being in love that I wasn’t seeing the bigger picture. I was closing the book with all these people. I was closing the book on my adolescents and I didn’t even realize it until now. A year ago I was a kid, and now I am an adult.

Today my mom went to High School reunion. I am not going to tell you how many years but I wonder what it was like? Seeing all the people now, the stereotypes completely insignificant. I don’t know if I’d want to go to a reunion. I don’t think I would want to open the High School book again. It was a weird time in my life. I learned that you should NEVER be dependent on 1 person because if they shit on you, it feels like you are dying. To never experiment with different groups because you might put yourself in a bad situation.

My friends from High School are not the same, and I am certainly am NOT the same.Instead of some people growing into maturity, some of them went backwards. It’s the best time to live a little I guess.. in college you can do that. I don’t think partying is my thing anymore, I did it in High School. It was a short lived thing. I mean I will party once in a while but smoking pot and drinking in the woods and shit is NOT my cup of tea. I am not out to get arrested.

I think I have outgrown my friends a little. Maybe they will catch up, maybe they won’t, we just have to see what happens.

Sarah.

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3 thoughts on “Finally Closing the Yearbook.

  1. I really like the wisdom you show, and how you’re able to step back and have perspective even though you are still so young. You’re a wonderful poet and writer, because you are able to look at life’s little details while also putting them together to see the big picture. That’s rare.

  2. Gabriel says:

    This sounds like junior philosophy and whining … I don’t know who you are, but I think it’s a little headstrong to think that you clearly outgrew your friends and THEY need to catch up, especially if you are the one in community college and they went into something a bit more than the real world. I’ve stepped in puddles deeper than you, and met more eloquent third graders. Keep working on it.

    • sarahviveca says:

      Why the fuck are you on my fucking blog if I write so terribly if you are friends with people that don’t like me than get the fuck off my blog and leave me the fuck alone.

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