Something I Can’t Change.


I am not a people person

I am not deep,clever

or witty in any sense.

I don’t play with words

just so men will be confused by what I say,

by what I mean.

I listen to country music because I feel the heart

in every word they sing.

I am attracted to men who can protect me

because I am afraid I can’t take care of myself.

I am stuck on a guy who will always care

because he knows I won’t be going anywhere.

I write meaningless poetry because its illegal to kill people

and socially unaccepted to have intercourse in public.

I cry because I have scars that are starting to heal

and some that are still raw and growing infected

that just need to be cleaned.

I hold secrets deep within my soul

and regret and grief  haunt me.

I am envious of pretty girls

because I know I will never be as perfect as them

I am not pale with a curvy figure

and light eyes.

I hide behind laughs and smiles

because I know being depressed gets you nowhere

and I’ve already gone through that phase.

I am worried alot more than I portray

I am afraid of men in the white coats

I am afraid of what they will say.

I don’t want to feel the cold stethoscope

against my breast.

I don’t want to hear how I need to lose weight

by a man I barely know.

I know I am fat

you don’t have to tell me twice.

I may look patient

but in about 2.5 seconds

I could change my mood

because my heart and head play tug of war

and  I don’t know what to think.

I think about  how the world is

and how the times have changed since I was little.

when I didn’t worry about gynecologists

and children and STDS.

I wish upon stars

I pray to people who love me

just like  I always have.

I get a stomach ache when I am nervous.

I studder and get light headed

when I’m mad.

I get excited when I see people I love

My heart is too big for me

and at times I don’t know how to use it

but that’s me.

and that’s something I can’t change

especially not for you.

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One thought on “Something I Can’t Change.

  1. Katherine says:

    Love you

Lemme know what you think :)

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