This morning was not the best of mornings for me. First off, I got like no sleep. When I woke up, I was given a cup of the best coffee I’ve ever tasted from 7/11.( You know they love you when they can make your coffee well…) after that, I had to drive Scott to work because he got into a car accident yesterday and so now he’s car less. I didn’t mind.It was kinda nice. While driving home, I started thinking about this really weird relationship that we have. I surprise myself in the things I do. I mean I couldn’t imagine myself even thinking about talking to someone for a year and a half, let a alone be with them. I also surprise myself with how forgiving I am. I think I am too nice for my own good. I almost wish I was meaner because than people wouldn’t screw me over.
Where is the line when forgiveness turns into just being a doormat? In all my life, I’ve never figured it out. It may depend on the person, but I am so sick of figuring it out when its too late. I have given Scott a million chances and I question when it’s time to just kick the bucket and move on. Not every relationship is rainbows and flowers all the time. People fight, people are disloyal, its natural. I just don’t know when the time will come when I will figure out that I don’t need him in my life.But I know its not now. I read this thing on Facebook today, actually this picturee.
and it really defined what I am trying to say. I forgive him for all the ridiculously stupid things he does or has done because I can’t imagine him not being apart of my life. It’s weird because I can’t remember anything before him. I remember right before him when I was not making the right choices, but before that, I couldn’t tell you. It’s weird how a person can make such an impact on your life so much that you can’t remember what was before them. I was talking to Cheekz about that last night and she was saying that people cross paths when you least expect it. For her age, Cheekz is pretty wise. I don’t really think logically, I think with more of my heart and it fucks me over in the end every time. I guess that’s why Cheekz never gets hurt, she thinks with her head.
I wish I could just trust people. I may not be the most trustworthy, but I wish people were just honest. In this world we live in, no one can keep a promise or be a honest. I guess we just have to live with it.