So Today my friend and I were talking about marriage. Marriage doesn’t come up in my life often because I am 19 years old and I am okay with the fact that I am never getting married ever. Marriage and commitment to that extent isn’t my style, I don’t want to kill them or feel like I’m trapped in a relationship I don’t want to be in. Marriage to me, is terrifying. Many people jump into marriage like its not a big deal and I honestly don’t understand it. What makes you feel like you are ready to marry this person?
I was talking to my friend Mike about marriage and he was telling me that he thinks he might have met his wife ( his current girlfriend )and I couldnt be more happy for him, as well as her. He always talks about her and is always excited to see her and is never disappointed. For a while he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do, but he realized something that made him decide that staying with her was the right thing to do.
I’ve realized after looking at Mike’s relationship that my relationship is not like that, and if it is supposed to be like that,then something is wrong. I don’t know what is wrong per say, but I know if relationships are supposed to be like Mike and his girlfriend’s then something is wrong with mine.
But I’ve decided that marriage is NOT for me. I know some people who are 19 are getting married… are you fucking crazy? How do you know he’s your husband, how do you know he’s the one? I don’t even know what classes I want to take next semester, let alone my husband.
With all the men I’ve gone out with I could never imagine myself with anyone of them even though I’ve been with them in the first place. I don’t think I’m cut out for marriage or commitment to that extent. It seems terrifying to me. Mike told me that he is going to go down on 1 knee and everything, its exciting for him.. it must be accomplishing to know you’ve found the person you were destined to be with. I wonder if I’ve already met him, or maybe I’ll never meet him at all.
But overall I believe that every relationship is a lesson learned and when you make the commitment to be married there is more lessons to be learned. I don’t think there is such thing as a soul mate because I don’t think I can love someone that much. I loved Scottie, but I don’t think I could ever imagine spending the rest of my life with him.
I am a complicated person and with a complicated person comes with alot of patience and I don’t think anyone will be able to handle me. I’m more that meets the eye