What is this?


I think this is a start of something great.

I’ve veered away from my homework because I just can’t get over what happened tonight. For the first time in a long time, I can safely say I was genuinely proud of myself. I sat back and looked around and couldn’t believe what I was seeing, how much I did, and how much this may change things for my school. A senior who is a friend of mine told me something that really stuck out to me and I will never forget it. She said, “You actually changed something for FDU.” There has been so many people who have tried and couldn’t do it and some who have but not for the creative writing department. I am just surprised I actually did it. I totally I forgot I didn’t mention what happen ( It’s been a a long day) I got an author to come on campus. and I did it all by myself. I didn’t ask for anyone’s help besides the setting up, but I worked with an agent and even though it was totally intimidating, and I had no idea what I was doing, I still did it. The Creative Writing Club here at FDU is only a year old and already we’ve done so much. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without the support from my family and Paul ( yes he’s currently snoring next to me….) I think this is what I want to do forever. I want to be able to make some kind of change in the way education is seen and so be able to see the  look at students faces and see the inspiration that I saw tonight and felt on my own face. I’ve been nervous about this all week and I am just so happy it worked out and went so smooth. During the day before the event everything was going wrong, and once I got in my mode and just let it go, everything was good and according to plan. But this was the first time, I sat in the back and just took it in, and lived in the moment. I havent been able to that lately and I almost cried. It went well… too well. The other shoe hasn’t been dropping lately, I am getting nervous.

I really don’t know how to feel now . I can’t sleep because I am too excited. I just want to jump up and down and scream and run around. It’s over I am still excited, I’ve never felt this way before.

I guess this is what proud feels like.

– Sarah

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Am I back?


I can’t believe it been so long…

I can’t believe that a year can fly like the wind through the trees. how easy time and space can  get away from you. I’ve done so much at FDU in the last year that I don’t even know where to start. I got an internship at this up and coming blog, and I thought.. hey why not tell the world what is going on with me? I’ll be soon switching to a different voice for my internship so I am glad that I still have this so I can keep my own voice to the world. I’ve still been writing poetry, but not much and opened my options into more of the entrepreneurial field, where I am running organizations and events that are bigger than I thought I would be. I’ve finally met my mentor( there are a few but one comes to mind) that I absolutely love and supports me with whatever I do. I can’t really believe how small and naive I was when I first started this blog. How so much has changed and how I’ve changed. I mean there are things I personally need to work on ( like relaxing.. I’m doing this in the middle of class don’t mind me) and having better time management. I never know when it’s time to get a planner, when do they start and when does it come to the day  where you say.. today is the day I become an adult and get a planner. I thought an “Oh SHIT” moment was when I had to get my business cards for the first time. Or I thought it was when I put  on my first suit jacket and rocked it at interviews in lounges or coffee shops. But I think it’s the time when you have to get a planner.. like a real one.. with the black fo- leather on the front you maybe  will make you  an adult.

I am not ready for this…

We’ll talk soon.

Sarah

Goodbye FDU… for now.


Well as the semester comes to a close, I giggled at the post under this one. Oh how far I’ve come from that. I’ve grown so much in the last few months that I’ve even surprised myself with my ability to be happy without the ones I love around. It’s crazy but I don’t really want to go home now. I love it here so much and I know I’ll come back but the fact that I made it, got through the first semester and did well is so accomplishing. I’ve made so many friends and contacts in the last couple months that now Andrew and I have made The FDU creative writing club and we together are rocking the world here. People look up to us, amazed by everything that we know. I don’t know why the  last few days I’ve been getting so emotional over leaving here because I know I’ll be back. There were times here that I was at my lowest but there were times I’ve  figured out that its okay to get sloppy and be yourself and  wear cheetah pajamas and open up to people you were so afraid  to open up with before. I can honestly say that all my good times and bad  start with the sentence “Andrew and I were…” and I think how different it would be if he wasn’t here. As an only child, this semester showed me what it was like to have a sibling, that person you see every day have the majority of meals with, and that you wake up to (sort of) . That person who you bicker with or tell that they are your best friend when you are drunk. I honestly don’t think I could have gotten through this semester without him and I am so grateful he is here.

As the semester comes to a close, well today. I can honestly say that I am so looking forward coming back  I already miss the sounds of the trains coming through campus all night and the planes that fly so low that I can see the small windows on the sides… and the birds, the birds that chirp at 4 in the god damn morning. Next semester  I already have a roommate (that I like! ) and I will be ruling this school just like I ruled brookdale, but better. I am already News Editor for the Newspaper, The president of a Creative Writing Club that didn’t exist when I got here and working right along side with the Head of the Creative Writing Department in a paid internship. As I start cleaning out my room I remember how cold this room felt when I first moved in and how poorly I felt about myself and my surroundings, and how I  felt like I was sleeping in someone else’s room. Now we no longer do homework in the laundry room and I don’t drink beer. We study in MY room and we drink honey wine and listen to Mozart.  I’m not a random anyone, I’m taking over the world.

 


Hi everyone,

Well I haven’t been on this in a really long time and so much as happened. I am writing from the glorious Fairleigh Dickinson University laundry room where I am having a beer ( THAT I PURCHASED!!) listening to Andrew’s 90’s getting laid playlist on his Pandora. I haven’t been home in almost two weeks, and I really hate it. I am so sad but this is the decision I chose. I know it was the right decision but being here makes me think too much which makes me question what I  am doing . Yeah, you can imagine how much that sucks. In my lonely times I watch Awkward ( which is an amazing MTV show that I feel like is controlling my life) and while I watch people who don’t really want to get to know me walk back to their rooms,I question if I belong here.My time at Brookdale was amazing. I ran that school more than I thought I did and I wonder if I should run FDU as well or if I should sit in the passenger seat here as well. My relationship with Paul is okay, things have changed a lot but its something that is going work or its not and I am not going to be the one who makes that decision, that’s fates job.

I wonder if fate can just control my life because people keep telling me that everything is happening for a reason but I wonder if I should jump at every opportunity or just focus on my studies instead of worrying about making friends and making a representation of myself. On the other hand with having no friends besides Andrew here, I am so lonely. I know how it feels to have a great support system, a pretty large group of people who backed me up and supported me in everything I do, and Andrew was one of them. I am so happy he is here but at times I need my space and I need other friends and that’s something and that no one wants to be around here, my friend.My aunt told me I need to meet 1 friend a week and I just am too tired to do that. I don’t want to make an effort because I put 115% percent in Brookdale and I HATE starting over. I’ve been here for almost a month and I’ve only made 2 friends. I don’t have a social problem, these people don’t like outsiders and I am definitely an outsider…. actually, I am a random.

Sarah

Starting Over.

An Ode to the Day


To the day before another day

 a special day

Where two people met for the first time

Where bonds were formed like muscles

and piercing cries echoed empty hallways.

Pale blue pant sets worn over street clothes

Protection of what’s to come.

 

She swears she won’t know what to do with it now

But she’ll figure it out with time.

By 21 she’s cried for 21 years on the same day

Because after today she can’t go back

and teach whats already been taught.

 

Candles flicker in a black room

and people smile,but her.

She knows that her baby has grown

and wont need her,but forever she will be there

Anyway.

 

Tomorrow is my Birthday, and every year I cry the night before. It’s a personal tradition I guess. I hate getting old.

Sarah

To the Flower that Never Bloomed


I always think of you

That little seed, that never bloomed.

People try to relate

Wonder what it would be like

To sit there and say goodbye

To someone they never met

But loved unconditionally

 

 

Years have passed

But the history of you resonates

Every morning

Wondering what it would be like

If things were different

If he’d still be there

Or if he would have ran

Afraid of the power you hold

 

 But you will someday blossom

My flower

And you will make him happy

Because I know I was

when I had you in my vase

 

s.

Two,One.


Close my eyes

listen.

The boats hitting against the dock

and the low hum the water

slow beating of the heart

Two.

hearing wind whistling

in our pink ears

heat soaked into my skin

by him.

Grabs my hand and I am cold

confused

Wondering if this worth

fighting.

Putting on the armor

swinging the sword

Preparing for being

One.

 

 

Yes, I’ve realized I haven’t been around in a long time. I took an unexpected hiatus, hopefully I will be back now.

 

S.

Sunday Train to Penn


To the man standing with me

Waiting for the 8:42 train that never existed, thank you.

I felt less stupid standing there. Before,

I thought of that girl who jumped in front

Of that train months back. How fast they whizz

Next to you and how they won’t stop even you lay

Across the tracks.

 

To the three teenagers sitting across from me

Your porkroll, egg, and cheese sandwiches smell

delectable. If I was either trashy or hungrier

I will pounce you and grab your sandwiches.

But don’t worry, I will just sit here and dream of Dunkin instead.

 

To the man yelling at his son two rows back

What are you going to do if your child touches

whatever you don’t want him to touch again?

Were you really going to hit him in public

or are you just using that tactic all parents use?

Because by 16 he’ll hit you if you even

try to lay a finger on him.

 

To the two annoying girls who took my original seat

I don’t give a shit about you sleeping

On a coffee table. I don’t care how many shots of tequila

you took last night. If I did as many as you said you did

I would be dead, and I’m not saying that

Because I’m a light weight.

 

To the women who sat down next to me

At the second to last stop

I’m intrigued as to why you picked

the empty seat next to me instead of sitting

somewhere else.Thank you

You made me feel less alone.

To that friend waiting for me at Penn station

I’m sorry.

– “Because I have so many things to do and all I want to do is take a nap.”-Andrew O’Hare.

-sarah

the reasons.


You realized your life was over when she walked away

There was no time to grab her shoulder

To turn her around and smack her with your lips

There was not enough “I’m sorry”s in the world to fix this

She doesn’t want you now even though she thought

There wasn’t a world without you before

Too much time has passed and as you wait she falls in love

And gets everything you thought she deserved but was too scared

To give

She had never smiled so beautiful  or glowed so bright

When she was with you because she knew

It wasn’t forever even though it could have been

If she didn’t become a woman in one week

She cried harder then the worst of storms and you hid

Behind a stools and strangers to forget

One day she realized what she wanted

A quiet morning she left what she loved to move on

Running against the current she fought to not look back

But she was being sucked back like a vacuum that you were controlling

Pictures of regrets flashed into your head and you realized why

She wanted to go.

You let her

she is safe now

And you are a man

That will always be just

Misunderstood.

 

 

Thank you for everyone who clicks on my butterfly when they see it!

Sarah

Believe


Believe:

 

 Believe in the you that I believe in.

 Believe in the one you wanna be

 but are too scared.

The you that stood over people

who stomped you down with words

 that never mattered.

Who treated you the way they did

Because it was “cool”.

The you that kissed the wrong girls

But doesn’t regret, just laughs and turns red.

Believe in the you that thinks that they don’t have work

Everyday minute to make her happy.

Believe in the you that deserves to be happy

From the moment you wake up to the second

You lay that head on the pillow. The you that smiles

 loves deep.

Believe in the you I believe in

Because you are all I will ever need.