Preparing for Change.

I always wondered what it would be like to just one day, pack up all your things and leave and not even turn around to say goodbye.Last night Paul and I were talking about the coming months and for the first time ever in my life I was scared. I wasn’t scared because more time is passing and I am getting older, I was scared because in 6 months I will be leaving home for the first time to live on my own. Granted, I’ll be living in a dorm with a complete stranger but to me, It will be as close to being alone as I’ve ever gotten. I’ve been away from home before, like on vacation but I always came back to something familiar after a week of being gone but being away at school is not just a week, its months at a time.

I won’t be very far though, only 45mins away, but it is different. not being able to come home grab my clothes and go down the street to Paul’s will be strange. Not seeing my mom everyday or atleast being able to pop in at Acmoore or wherever she may be will be difficult.

Ive never been afraid of change. When I was younger I’d change my hair constantly. I never cried when they chopped It off because I’d know it would grow back in a few months and I’d be back in the salon getting it chopped off again. But In the last few years I was afraid of what fate will give me. What god thinks I can handle.I don’t want to miss out on a thing but I also want to be my own person and see what I want to see with the people I want to be with . I know these next few months will be preparing months and months after will be hard but if life was easy, no one would be pushing themselves to be better and I know I want to be better then I am today.


Get Off The Road.

I think I starting to develop a bit of road rage….

This afternoon I was driving home from work and a woman passed me on the right and rode the shoulder to cut me off. #1 Riding the shoulder is illegal( I just got a ticket, I know) and #2 you shouldn’t pass someone on the right, as long as they turning left on a side street,  then that’s fine. But I was turning right so thats illegal.. Since getting my ticket for riding the shoulder a little over a week ago, I have been extra cautious driving. I hate cops, I can’t deal with cops so if I don’t do anything wrong, I won’t have to  deal with them. New Jersey cops aren’t the nicest people in world and espically to teenagers, they are even worse. Even though I am 19 and barely a teenager, they still look at me as an inexperienced driver.

So anyway going back to this woman, As I was driving behind her, I decided I was going to follow her because I thought it was wrong and I was already slightly aggraviated for another stupid reason that doesn’t really matter but why not add fuel to the fire, shall we? Anyway so I pulled into the parking lot she pulled into ( a  church, ironically) I rolled down the window and started to explain to her ( between calling her an asshole) that she was wrong and that noone was going to cut me off and that her actions were illegal and that she was lucky that I didn’t call the cops. She didn’t care, and insulted my car, and my driving expereince ( because grown adults drive sooo much better..) I called her more than asshole a couple more times and zoomed out of the parking lot. 

After leaving the church, I was shaking I was so mad. I have never been so mad at a stranger just because of their driving. Every once in a while when I am mad at the drivers for going to slow or cutting me off,  I scream at the people but not directly at that. But I know I will not be forgotten today. When I got home, I was mad and I told my mom what happened. She told me that people could be crazy and pull guns out and kill you, but I find that hard to believe. 

Some people shouldn’t be able to get their drivers license…ever.