Another Disappointment.

“So you said you have to work tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I might have to work a double”.

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, sorry.”

“That’s all you’re going to say is sorry?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know. Anything?”

“How many times have you ditched me in the last month?”

“I know, I know.”

“If you know, than why the hell are you doing it?”

“Court, I gotta make money.”

“But yet I pay for everything?”

“Thank you.”

“Why are you thanking me now? It’s not going change anything. I buy you everything. I don’t expect anything from you. The only thing I ask from you is to make a few hours with me, and you can’t even do that?”

“I’m just trying to figure things out; I don’t even have time for myself.”

“But yet you have to go to bar and spend the money I gave you on alcohol? Really?”

“I don’t pay for my drinks.”

“What, you fucking walk out?”

“No I have friends.”

“Oh, I’m not the only one you take advantage of?”

“Ha, don’t flatter yourself.”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

There’s this new chick at work, Megan.”

“So, is she as much of a bitch as you?”

Even more so.

“No wonder why you like her, she is just like you.”

“I don’t like her.”

“Then why did you mention her?”

“You’re getting Psychotic.

“I am not, who the fuck is she?”

“Because she’s my friend.”

“So she buys you drinks?”

“Courtney please, I am not cheating on you. I’m not sitting at the bar spending your money. I’m  working. My life doesn’t revolve around you. You are not my top priority. You need to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around your needs. Just because you want to see me, I don’t need to jump at every single opportunity. You need to be able to live your life, and stop being so dependent on me.”

“Please, because my world revolves around you…”

“If it didn’t, than you wouldn’t have switched with three different people just so you could hang out with me.”

“You’re right.”

“ Ha,I know.”

 My try at dialogue… Sorry  I haven’t been on. I’ve been super busy! 

Have an awesome weekend everybody! 



Get Off The Road.

I think I starting to develop a bit of road rage….

This afternoon I was driving home from work and a woman passed me on the right and rode the shoulder to cut me off. #1 Riding the shoulder is illegal( I just got a ticket, I know) and #2 you shouldn’t pass someone on the right, as long as they turning left on a side street,  then that’s fine. But I was turning right so thats illegal.. Since getting my ticket for riding the shoulder a little over a week ago, I have been extra cautious driving. I hate cops, I can’t deal with cops so if I don’t do anything wrong, I won’t have to  deal with them. New Jersey cops aren’t the nicest people in world and espically to teenagers, they are even worse. Even though I am 19 and barely a teenager, they still look at me as an inexperienced driver.

So anyway going back to this woman, As I was driving behind her, I decided I was going to follow her because I thought it was wrong and I was already slightly aggraviated for another stupid reason that doesn’t really matter but why not add fuel to the fire, shall we? Anyway so I pulled into the parking lot she pulled into ( a  church, ironically) I rolled down the window and started to explain to her ( between calling her an asshole) that she was wrong and that noone was going to cut me off and that her actions were illegal and that she was lucky that I didn’t call the cops. She didn’t care, and insulted my car, and my driving expereince ( because grown adults drive sooo much better..) I called her more than asshole a couple more times and zoomed out of the parking lot. 

After leaving the church, I was shaking I was so mad. I have never been so mad at a stranger just because of their driving. Every once in a while when I am mad at the drivers for going to slow or cutting me off,  I scream at the people but not directly at that. But I know I will not be forgotten today. When I got home, I was mad and I told my mom what happened. She told me that people could be crazy and pull guns out and kill you, but I find that hard to believe. 

Some people shouldn’t be able to get their drivers license…ever. 



Our Book.

I can’t hold her or smell her
But I can remember what she looked like
When she left for the very last time
The way her mouth curved inward
How her screams turned into cries
When I begged for her not to go.
How I longed for her clammy hands
And her blemished face.
Her firey  enthusiasm
her devilish humor.
She put that book
Our book
Back on the shelf
With the rest of the worn out    paperbacks.
She knew she would never read it again
Because she’d never forget
The memories sprawled on each page
Or how shitty the ending was.

This is inspired by my friend Andrew’s poem. I don’t have it show you all unfortunately. 

I’ve been told this doesn’t sound like me at all… that do u think?

You are a Sinner Too.

I”ll never understand


why things happen when

they do.

Why whenever life is great

its gets plummeted

by grief and surrow.

I am haunted by my mistakes

rediculed for my beliefs.

Why that a nineteen

I was forced to make decisions

I had no right to do.

I understand things happen for a reason

But I think I have proved to you


That I am capable of handling

anything you put infront of me.

But why?

Why you fictional character

you mythical creature


Why do you think you have the power

to force me  to grow and learn?

Why must you give me more



I don’t need a crown of thorns

or nails in my hands

to prove to you

I am worthy of your love

because to be honest,

you are just like everyone else.

You aren’t holier than thou.

You mock at people’s mistakes.

You think you have the power to force people

to pay for their sins.

You are a sinner too God.

You enjoy watching people like me

crumble in the dark moments.

I am strong enough to break free

from your spiritual grasp.

I don’t need you to guide me

when its time to leave this earth.

I don’t need you to hold me

As I exit my body.

God, you are selfish.

Why do you think

you have the right

to tell me I have to go?

Why do you think you can

take the people I love

away from me.

What lesson is there to learn here god?

Can’t you just give me a chance to live?

Haven’t I matured enough to know

I am no longer a child of you?

God, why are you doing this?

I haven’t done anything wrong.

I know I have made bad choices

but this isn’t a way to punish me.

Because right now

not even your holy spirit

is going to help me

get through

this nightmare

you’ve set my life

out to be.

If  God  loves us so much, than why does he make our lives a living hell?