the reasons.

You realized your life was over when she walked away

There was no time to grab her shoulder

To turn her around and smack her with your lips

There was not enough “I’m sorry”s in the world to fix this

She doesn’t want you now even though she thought

There wasn’t a world without you before

Too much time has passed and as you wait she falls in love

And gets everything you thought she deserved but was too scared

To give

She had never smiled so beautiful  or glowed so bright

When she was with you because she knew

It wasn’t forever even though it could have been

If she didn’t become a woman in one week

She cried harder then the worst of storms and you hid

Behind a stools and strangers to forget

One day she realized what she wanted

A quiet morning she left what she loved to move on

Running against the current she fought to not look back

But she was being sucked back like a vacuum that you were controlling

Pictures of regrets flashed into your head and you realized why

She wanted to go.

You let her

she is safe now

And you are a man

That will always be just




Thank you for everyone who clicks on my butterfly when they see it!



Taking a Break.

Today is not a poetry day, but there is something I wanted to ask the world that I don’t know the answer to. Is taking a break in a relationship good or bad? In the last 24 hrs, two of my friends had discussions with their significant others on taking a break. Weather it would because one is turning 21 and doesn’t want to have the chain of a relationship around their neck while at the bar to  because they were together for some time and they were arguing. In my opinion taking a break doesn’t mean breaking up, it means giving someone some time to get things done. I had this same conversation with my boyfriend a week ago, I told him we needed to take some time apart so he could get his shit together. There were other things going on around that that aren’t important but the point I’m making is that, your significant may be  distracting you  in getting what you need to get done, done. I can’t even tell you how hard it was to balance a boyfriend,my clubs that I run, my friends  and finals week. Luckily my friends in my clubs took a bit of lead and my boyfriend was very supportive and let me have some time to just get my mind together and to study, even if it meant studying while sitting in his kitchen or making stuff for my clubs at his house. If I had a break during that time, I could see it being easier, but my relationship was somewhat new at that time and taking a break before month number 3 is never an option.

                I think that breaks are necessary sometimes. Sometimes you need that break to realize how important your significant other is to you, how much they make an impact on your lives and how much you can’t live without them. I also thinking that taking a break maybe a bad thing because its just someones way of being a coward and not just ending what they in reality to be ended. I think taking a break can be good and bad, but I know the break has to be mutual because if its not then that’s just you getting dumped.


To all my friends thinking about taking breaks, reevaluate your relationship before making a decision.


How Easter Has Changed.



I never really  thought of Easter as big of a holiday as this year turned out to be. But today was different. Paul ( the new guy) came to dinner with my family and I gotta say, I wouldn’t have what I have any other way. My family loves him, (most) of my friends love him, I love him, it’s all just a wonderful thing. But anyway going back to dinner with my family. It’s funny how a group of people can make you feel so whole even when you think your life is awesome they make it even worth while. At this moment, I am the happiest I will ever be in my life. I have given the opportunity to not only have an amazing family, but also a few amazing friends and an amazing boyfriend. When I was young I thought noone was going to understand me or try to get me. They would judge me but. But right now, no one…. noone is judging me. I am finally genuially happy. My life is exciting and I am eager to see where 5 years down the line takes me. 

Here are some pictures of the day:

Paul and I 


My mom made an arrangement for Paul’s family. 


I have more but i can’t figure out why instagram online can’t put pictures on other sites.. bullshit…


Happy Easter everyone!

Why I am the Luckiest Girl in the World.

I think I am the luckiest girl in the entire world. 

I know I shouldn’t be doing this on my blog but I wanted to tell the world how happy I am and that there is still hope for the world. 

Two weeks ago, I finally realized that I can matter to someone and how even though I thought I was garbage and other people told me I was garbage, someone thought I wasn’t and loved everything about me. from my annoying laugh to my very complex mind and my stupid stories. He liked my gaped teeth smile and how I wasn’t a skinny bitch and for the first time I didn’t have to change who I was to make him happy and I didn’t have to work so hard and pretend to be someone I am not.

I met a person that tells me that I am beautiful and will continue to tell me until I accept it for myself. It’s amazing finally finding someone who loves every single part of you  and even things you don’t even notice about yourself. When you find someone who is so excited to see you, and not try to get in your pants or just to suck your lips off. This person is amazing to me because I thought every man was an asshole; i guess I was wron

I never realized how much shit I was dealing with until it was gone. How feerer I feel about myself and how life can be so relaxing and not so hard and complicated. I am the type of person who is used to being beat up and hurt and  stuck doing all the work ,but now, I don’t have to do anything. I’ve never smiled so much in my life. He is opening doors for me that I didn’t even know they even existed. 

and I finally found a person who loves me. 

and that’s why I am the luckiest girl in the world. 




At this moment

This millisecond

I am the happiest

I will ever be.

You are far out into the distance

Where traffic lights are turning red

But yet some people,

including you, will go anyway.

I watch


Kiss concrete so delicately,

Sipping warm coffee

Made just right.

You pants lay on the floor

A souvenir of your existence

Watching me

Screaming at


I walk over them

Like an uneasy bridge

Shuffling across the hardwood floor

Of mine,



The clock ticks loudly

Hanging over my head

It counts the seconds


Till you are home again.


You are my own good

You are the best I possibly could have

You think you can have better

But what is better?

Who can be better, how do you know what

Better looks like?

How would know if there  is any better out there?

How do you know if I’m not the best

You are going to get


If there isn’t anything better

Than me.

Things Left Unsaid.

Every time I hang out with my friend Shannon, we always talk about relationships. I’ve known Shannon since I was in elementary school and its awesome that we still hang out after all this time. We talk about our relationships and things happening in our lives and its really really nice. It’s like a release of everything that has been going on and taking a closer look at it. It helps me analyze not only her life and how I can help her make decisions,but how I can change my life for the better. 

Today we were talking about her new guy she was talking to and how everything is new to her now, now she is not with the same guy she was with before. I know that sounded complicated but there is a point to this madness. I think in relationships alone its all about taking it slow and I think thats how relationships fall short because not many couples do that anymore. I know this one couple that even after a week, they started saying “I love you” to eachother. Bitch please, you can’t love them if you don’t know them. Love takes time. You might be falling in love, but you’re not in love. Falling in love and being in love are two completely different things. 

I think this whole labeling of Boyfriend and Girlfriend are completely ridiculous also. I was talking to Scottie a couple of months ago and he said something that was accurate about relationships. He said that once you label something it starts to have rules,regulations and expectations and what’s the point of that if it will be the same if you just date the without those complicated rules. From the many guys I’ve talked to, I’ve noticed that they are terrified of the labels. It frightens them because now they are locked down. They have to be the ass kisser.

You don’t need to put a name on it to make legit. If you care about the person there is unspoken regulations anyway. I don’t know why there has to be a novel written of rules of how to be in a relationship and what or what not to do while you’re in one. People make it complicated and everything should be simple. 

As I walked through Red Bank tonight alone, I watched as a couple held hands while walking out of the movie theater  I wondered how long it took to get where they were standing and how difficult the road they traveled was. I wondered if the man was a nice guy or if that date to the movies was just a fluke moment in the relationship.I wondered if the girl was happy or if she was only in the relationship because she was afraid to be alone. I wondered if they had a label or their feelings and thoughts were unsaid….




Our Last Goodbye.

The loud clanking of my high heels echoed the empty airport when we arrived. With my worn out suitcase in hand, I was off on another journey, another trip. But this time, I wasn’t sure if I was coming back. He grabbed my clammy hand as we walked over to the check in station.

“You’re gunna be fine.” He said, squeezing my hand a little tighter

“I know, but what about you Kris? Fly out for like a week and come back, you can do that.”

“Sar, I can’t do that. I have to work; you know how difficult it is to take time off.” I shrugged; he had to switch with three different people just to be able to take me to the airport. There would be no way for him to just drop everything and leave.

“I want you to do me a favor.”I stopped and looked up at his slicked black greasy hair fall in his face.


“I want you to never come back. Don’t come back for me. If we are meant to be together, than we will move on from here. You are better than this place. You have so many more opportunities anywhere else other than shit hole. I regret every day coming back home after college. So please, move on from here.” A tear fell from my face.

“Are you breaking up with me? In a fucking airport?” I asked, dropping my suitcase on the floor.

“No, I just know you. You would come back for me.” I grinned and nodded.

“Why do you have to know me so well?” I laughed, rolling my eyes.

“Would you rather I didn’t ” I shook my head as I swung the heavy suitcase on the counter for the teller. As we walked into the waiting area, more people were starting to file in with coffee and other baked goods in their hands.

“Sar, you’re drooling practically on those people. You want a coffee?” I nodded staring at the little steam floating in the air from their cups. I watched him as he walked to the counter where he ordered me a small coffee with three sugars, light with milk. For four years, it had always been the same and he never forgot. I wonder if I will one day forget what he looked like, what he sounded like, how he takes his coffee. He walked towards me as his black basketball sneakers scuffed the floor.

“Thank you,” I said grabbing it from him, the warmth of the coffee around my hand relaxed my whole body. I sipped the small coffee that had gotten on the lid and smiled.

“I don’t think I will ever find someone who can make my coffee as good as you do. I can’t even do it this good.” He smiled, putting his arm around my shoulders as we walked towards a pair of chairs closest to the gate entrance.

“You wanna hear something that I’m afraid of?”

“What?” He said, as he pulled out his iphone.

“That I’ll forget.”

“Forget what?”


“I don’t think you will,” he smirked, giving me a look. I elbowed him and giggled.

“You can’t take anything seriously can you?”

“Nope.” He said as he started to play temple run. I leaned into him, looking over his shoulder.

“Never miss an opportunity?” I sighed.

“Nope.” He said looking intently at the screen; I nudged his arm as I watched the small character fall to his death. I smiled.

“You probably are never going to see me ever again and you play temple run?”

“Whenever I play temple run I’ll think of you.”

“And I how much I hate it?” He laughed

“And how much it ruined your life…” I rolled my eyes.

“Worst thing I ever did in my life was introduce you to temple run.” He put his arm around me and sighed.

“You know what Sarah; I think I am really going to miss you.” I looked out the window as planes zoomed off in the distance. In a few minutes that would be me. I leaned on his shoulder as we both looked out at the sunny sky.

“Hey Kris?”


“Promise me something.”


“That you won’t ever forget.” Warm tears started to roll down my face. I told myself I would not cry in front of him.

“Sarah, I will never forget. I’ve never had a person ever treat me as well as you did. No, I’ll never forget you.” He leaned down and kissed the tears that were rolling down my face. I smiled. “Don’t be crying, I will see you again. Sooner rather than later.” I nodded as I quickly wiped the tears from my face. The boarding announcement blared in my ear. I looked down at the floor.

“I guess this is it?” He nodded. “I love you Kristopher, don’t forget that.” I said as I clinged to his pea-coat.

I’ll see you soon. I nodded as I bit my lip. I let go and walked through the gate. Before walking away. He winked at me. I smiled.


I had to do an assignment with just dialogue.. Thank you old texts and Facebook chats! 

I really am not good at dialogue, narrative is my thing.. what do you guys think?


Live in Reality Sweetie.

While on Facebook today I was looking at all the stupid posts that are  like this:

and this

and I thought to myself… What the hell kind of world do we live in. Since when do these girls want these perfect boyfriends? In reality I’ve never met a guy who is like any of these things. My friend John is the nicest guy I know and even he isn’t like this. Every guy that I have ever talked to are not necessarily always the same, but at some point in their lives have been the same. It’s always like who having sex with the most women.. I don’t understand this competition because if chicks did this we would be considered whores.

I was talking to Scott the other night about chicks and I realized that men don’t love like women do. Men are very complex when it comes to their hearts. Women just know when they are in love. I know I did. But men are very different, they have to really look deep into the person, mind, body, and soul to figure out if she is worthy of their heart. I understand why men right write love songs now. They write them because its unbelievably more painful for men because men are careful and they still get shit on. When I fell in love, I took a big risk. I didn’t care if I was eventually going to get hurt. I knew at that moment nothing else mattered.

In a way  men are very smart. I wish I actually assessed the situations in my life before giving my all to 1 person. It would save much heartache in the end that’s for sure.

Maybe one day a guy will realize they can trust me with their heart but I know its not now.