For the last week I haven’t been able to really have time to sit and write on here so I thought I’d catch you up on what is going on..
My life is crazy busy. I’ve never had such a crazy life. I feel like I can’t keep up. I am starting to worry about school since its the end of the semester and I want to make sure I do really well. I have been this whole time, but panic mode kicks in about 3 weeks before the end of the semester and you question where the hell you were this whole time. I’ve been trying to do as much extra credit as I possibly can in this few short weeks left and I feel like nothing is ever going to be enough to where I will feel comfortable. Maybe next semester wont be so crazy, but I highly doubt it.
Today I found out that I lost 26 lbs in 1 year. I never realized how fat I was a year ago. I don’t know how any man, especially Scottie found me attractive… but who knows.. men lie too. I also never realized how 1 year can make such an impact. In 1 short year I have turned into a more shapely girl, but more mature than I was before. I internally and externally changed. It’s hard to look at the old me and not cringe. My mother always told me that I was beautiful but I knew that I wasn’t and I had alot of changing to do. Since September I lost close to 20 lbs, its hard and I can feel the difference but I have to work harder. It’s alot of work keeping the weight off and not starve yourself. But you take one day at a time until you get to the goal you wanna reach.
I’ve never wanted my Christmas shopping to end so badly in my life. Before working in retail I wanted the Christmas season to always be around, I wanted to take my time shopping and pick out the perfect gifts. Now, please I just want to find something and throw it under the tree. I think retail have ruined my Christmas because it just so freaking stressful. It’s so busy and your watching people shop for Christmas and you think “shit, I haven’t even started yet” every single time you have a customer. Also, the more assholes in the store at this time of the year, which means more patience.. and after a long day at school you sometimes just can’t take it.
Tomorrow is another busy day, again. Gym and work and also running my creative writing club at night. Maybe I’ll get some writing done while waiting for everyone to get there. Let’s just hope!
This semester I purposely put alot on my plate when it came to school. I wanted to see if I could balance going to school full time, going to work,running two clubs,and participating in two others.Plus staying active and still being social. For an ordinary person that might sound like way to much but for me, I am somehow managing it,ontop of having a cold for what feels like a million years. I surprise myself on a daily basis. I’ve realized that with all this pressure comes LOTS of organization skills. I’ve never been organized but now that’s all I think about. I plan my days by the minute and only I can change plans. I know it sounds really bitchy but sometimes I can’t fit everything I want to do before I pass out at the end of the day.
But as a writer, I can’t just sit around and wait for inspiration to strike, I have to go out and find it. I never understood how some writers like Emily Dickinson could just sit in her room all day long and write. I would need to go out and smell the air. I need to look at people and take everything I know about them and slap it on paper. My prompt for this week for my creative writing class is to sit somewhere and watch people talk to eachother and take notes aka stalking them. As a “creep” I think its kind of awesome because I do that alot anyway. I eavesdrop all the time. It’s so difficult for me to sit in a restaurant with someone and not eavesdrop.Dates are the worst for me because with all those people around me at a restaurant, I can’t concentrate on the person in front of me.
As a writer you have to creep around a little just to get inspiration. You have to dig deep into a person’s soul for ideas because your soul holds only so much and there is some stuff you may not want to share to the world. When you’re a writer you MUST take a chance. It may be publishing, or just writing about something you aren’t too comfortable talking about. Last semester,I took a nonfiction writing class, and I must say, that class is the definition of risk. There were tear stains on my paper when I was handing them in. That class showed how much the world wants to hear your story, even if you don’t want to share it. But as a writer, you must have the confidence in yourself to write it down.
I believe that writing is a way for people to tell the world how they feel without getting beat up in the process. In alot of my writing, especially in fiction writing, I write things that I wish could happen in my life, or things I wish I could have said or how I felt about a person when I met them. After becoming friends with fellow writers, I’ve realized that we are all very judgmental people. I can say that I am one of them. We have gut reactions and they may or may not form into characters but with every person I meet, a little inspiration is left with me.
With my life and in my writing I take chances.maybe I’m just crazy… who knows.. We’ll find out at the end of the semester..
For some reason I can never be exactly on time for anything. I am always way to early or extremely late to the point where it is no longer fashionable. I feel like every minuete of my day is planned. I have to be calculate every single moment of my life because I really don’t want to be late or miss out on anything. I think I am like that now is because when I was little, we were always really late getting places or extremely early. I never got to school right when the bell rang, I got there like a half hour before. Sometimes because I am so worried about being on time that there is so much dead time of me just sitting and waiting for things to happen.
I can’t grasp how people can just go with the flow on things. It would drive me completely bat crazy if I didn’t know what I was doing every second of everyday. I make sure plan the day days and days in advance because I know when I get up in the morning, I wouldn’t want to think about what to do. I dont understand how people can just sit around all day and do absoluetly nothing. It’s just a waste of time. You’ve wasted your whole day looking at what other people are doing with their day. There are so many things to do. Exersising would be one thing. You can take a run or ride a bike or anything to keep yourself busy.
I was talking to this one kid I know and he would sit infront of the tv all day and do nothing… I made him go to college because nobody would want to be with someone who does nothing with their life. That is someone who is boring. The more things you do with your life, the less boring you are, and the more you have in common with someone else.
I’ve been so busy lately I am surprise I have time to write on here. I shock myself with the many things I do in 1 short day. I now understand how adults are. They are going all day and by the time they get to relax they are so tired they just want to sleep. I guess thats why god created weekends.