I read this article on thought catalog today and I was almost in tears, not because it was badly written ( which it wasn’t) it was the fact that it was incredibly relatable. I wish I wrote this because it was me in this piece.
I must be completely cliche but there are things that have made me into the most bitter person. I am worried all the time. I have no confidence. I am never happy. I always just want to be alone. But when I am alone, I want to be with people. It’s a lose/lose situation. I miss what I used to be. I miss how easy life was. I miss how easy being with him was. I thought back then it was hard but compared to what I am doing now, it was cake.
It’s funny how when you get to know someone you see the weird things that make them who they are. It could be as simple peeing with the door open, or sending a text because he worries about me to cutting all the food on his place before he eats it. It’s funny how there are things you hate about a person, as much as you may love them. It could be how they eat food ( I can never look at him when he eats, it grosses me out) to checking out EVERY SINGLE GIRL HE SEES. I’ve gotten used to his annoying traits, but it doesn’t mean I don’t hate them.
If I ever stop talking to him, I wonder if I will be able to listen to music again. I wonder if I will be able to function like the girl in the article did. I wonder if I am strong enough that I can live without him.This man has watched me grow in ways noone has seen before. I became a woman in 1 short year. I was a child when I was met him. I was naive,innocent,and desperatly trying to get out of world I knew I didn’t belong.
When the time comes I will miss him. I will miss his weekly WWE Raw commentary texts every Monday night, I will miss our awkward good byes,I will miss listening to his low voice as he recites poems by Charles Bukowski. I will miss discussing ginger chicks and how much I hate them. I will miss laying next to him on his couch and feeling so safe. I will miss his surprising texts when I miss him. But most of all, I will miss how he makes me feel. Angry,happy,sad,excited,scared,nervous,anxious,giddy,emotional,calm and relaxed all at that same time. It’s a crazy feeling and I would only describe it as love and love alone.
2:30 am rants are always fun. UGH!