I Loved you.


I told you I loved you

But I will not tell you again.


You were 16

laying the backseat

of my 70′ Chevy Cavalier

that night.

Exposed from the waist down

your face reflected the light

from the moon that hung

over the rusty car.


Your hands were clammy

holding on,

your eyes rolled

to the back of

your head.

sweat beads were dripping

down your warm,soft cheeks.

Your head thrashing

Right and left.


You smiled.





with your boney,muscular



I told you I loved you

because I was young

and had a boner

that hadn’t gone away

in about a week.

you were the first

halfway decent


to walk into homeroom

that morning.

I hadn’t slept all night,

 your eyes were tired

and your hair fell

just right.


I told you I loved you

because I didn’t know you

I thought you would forget.

I thought you would just ignore me

in the halls the next day.


But now I am in sitting in a room

with people

I don’t know.

girls are crying.

you are crying.


And I wish I never told you

that I loved you. 


A Dirty Place.

It was musty before I cleaned the place. Each stair was draped in a blanket of dust. I walked up them, making footprints behind me and rolled my eyes. I could smell the lingering odor of fesus in the air. I questioned how he could have lived here; how he could close his eyes knowing that the piles and piles of dirty inside out clothes could suffocate him. I walked towards the kitchen where the floor was beginning to turn a weird shade of yellow. Brown liquid was dripping out of the broken clogged sink. I was afraid to question. Walking back to living area, there was a small pile of crumpled up tissues laying on the ground. I wondered what the story was behind those tissues. Was he crying as he finished the bottle of Jameson that was turned over on its side? Was he wondering why life has given him such curve balls? Was he scared of what the future held? Was he going through old pictures, reminiscing on the good times when the people were real and the times were good? Drips of alcohol stained the white paper surrounding the pictures in the album. A frozen memory of him and his brother looked back at me. His smile was the biggest I’d ever seen as he lightly held a can of Coors Light in his hand. It was winter because they were wearing sweatshirts and they were at a bar with many people I didn’t recognize around them. He was the happiest I’d ever seen him. That man in the picture would never have left this place like this. That man cared about himself. That man had a heart. I looked out the dirty window of the apartment and wondered where he could be. What he was doing, but I hope whatever he is doing, I hope he was happy.

I had to write about a place I’d been before, I think I am going to turn this into something. I wrote this in my creative writing class. You’re probably going to see alot of stuff from my class. 


I Will Miss You Someday.


I read this article on thought catalog today and I was almost in tears, not because it was badly written ( which it wasn’t) it was the fact that it was incredibly relatable. I wish I wrote this because it was me in this piece.

I must be completely cliche but there are things that have made me into the most bitter person. I am worried all the time. I have no confidence. I am never happy. I always just want to be alone. But when I am alone, I want to be with people. It’s a lose/lose situation. I miss what I used to be. I miss how easy life was. I miss how easy being with him was. I thought back then it was hard but compared to what I am doing now, it was cake.

It’s funny how when you get to know someone you see the weird  things that make them who they are. It could be as simple peeing with the door open, or sending a text because he worries about me to cutting all the food on his place before he eats it. It’s funny how there are things you hate about a person, as much as you may love them. It could be how they eat food ( I can never look at him when he eats, it grosses me out) to checking out EVERY SINGLE GIRL HE SEES. I’ve gotten used to his annoying traits, but it doesn’t mean I  don’t hate them.

If I ever stop talking to him, I wonder if I will be able to listen to music again. I wonder if I will be able to function like the girl in the article did. I wonder if I am strong enough that I can live without him.This man has watched me grow in ways noone has seen before. I became a woman in 1 short year. I was a child when I was met him. I was naive,innocent,and desperatly trying to get out of world I knew I didn’t belong.

When the time comes I will miss him. I will miss his weekly WWE Raw commentary texts every Monday night, I will miss our awkward good byes,I will miss listening to his low voice as he recites poems by Charles Bukowski. I will miss discussing ginger chicks and how much I hate them. I will miss laying next to him on his couch and feeling so safe. I will miss  his surprising texts when I miss him. But most of all, I will miss how he makes me feel. Angry,happy,sad,excited,scared,nervous,anxious,giddy,emotional,calm and relaxed all at that same time. It’s a crazy feeling and I would only describe it as love and love alone.

2:30 am rants are always fun. UGH!


My Mistake.

I am not a slut

I was just in love

With the wrong man

A man who watched me

Formed me

Into the woman I am today

Who told me I was ugly

And I believed it

Who only loved me

When we were alone

Because he hated seeing me smile

He aged me

In ways you will never understand

He took advantage of the fact

That in my eyes he could do no wrong

That I would love him forever

But you see I’m finally walking away

Even though his kisses are the most pure

And his touch warms my soul

I can’t be bleeding from my heart anymore

Because every time he tells me I’m not good enough

I bleed a little harder

I grow a little weaker

I die a little faster


I love you

I love you too much I think

Because every time I think of walking away from you

I get instantly pulled back into your grasp

It’s not that I don’t like being there

It’s that you deserve better.

You are afraid of commitment because

You are looking for someone

That is impossible to find.

I have found a human being inside you

That I wouldn’t be afraid

To feel for

To care for

Each and every day of my life.

The fact that I can sleep peacefully in your arms

Is something that I thought I’d never be able to do

With anyone.

People don’t understand

How I could love someone

Who doesn’t really care

But I say, you don’t know him like I do.

You don’t know how beautiful he is when he sleeps

Or how painful it is to hear him sick

Or how wonderful it feels to have his cold moist lips against yours.

Maybe if they felt this they’d understand

But I doubt they would.

Torn Dragonfly Wings

There you sit

Broken, alone

In the darkness

Drowning yourself

In your own broken


You wait for someone

Who will never come.

It’s been haunting you

For months

The whispers you hear

The disapproval you get.

Your world has turned toxic

The words that come out

Of your useless mouth

Have become cancerous

For the rest of world.

Guilt follows you

Like the Grim Reaper

As he patiently waits

To capture your heart and soul

And turn them into darkness

The wind dries

Your Meaningless tears

That  fall falsely

Down your pale

Sunken face.

Under the bridge

We found your

Lifeless body

The wings

Of Fallen angels

Have taken you

Away from

This withering world

Where the mosquitoes

Suck every ounce

Of your being.

Listen to Secondhand Serenade and you get this. he he 

This is NOT the sequal to “Not So Happy Ending”, I am working on it.