You Stay.

that winding road you drive down

will be closed  one day. That hand you hold

will let go one day and you will stand alone.

Rain will hit your shield but you will feel


One day the world will spin off its axis

and you will stand feet buried

in the sand.


You always need a rock in your life I’m glad I have mine




Stepping in the Right Direction.

It’s funny what a year can do. It’s funny how time can change a person so much you don’t even realize it. I was reading back at my old posts from the beginning of this blogging adventure and I must say that I was one immature chick. I was whining and talking about the same things over and over and over again. I realize you people are not idiots and have gotten my point, but I am not as cooky as you think.

I haven’t written on here in a while and in a way, I miss it. I miss writing my thoughts down and being able to see my thought pattern, even though its crazy and unorganized.But in the hiatus of time I have changed a little as a person. I am now 20 years old and I think   I am finally seeing how the world is supposed to be. How I am supposed to be. But in another way, its just another thing I am putting on the backburner. It’s just another thing I have to do. It used to be a relaxing thing but after a while it became a chore, and I am not into chores one bit.

Now that I am back (for now), I realize that this blog is about me but not the me sitting here now. My life isn’t all that interesting. I am just a 20 year college student from New Jersey trying to follow a dream. Everyone has a dream. All college kids have goals, why am I pointed out, why is my dream more important than others?

Today I was talking to my friend John about goals.  After a long time  he is very close to his goal,his dream. He got out of an enviroment that wasn’t fit for him, he focused on more than just partying and drinking and now he is in the right place at the right time. I asked him how it must feel knowing that it’s so close, so right in your face. I don’t know what I would do if that was me. He said it was an awesome feeling and that he has no regrets.

Maybe getting a successful blog is my goal and writing on here is just another step in the right direction. The other day I got asked to read at my professors Visiting Writer Series out of his chapbook. It was an honor and just an another step in the right direction. I feel like I am going through this world with my eyes closed. I don’t know what is the right turn and what is not. But I know whatever road I choose I know you all will be there, supporting me and anxiously eager to know more.


Thank you all for your support.


Gettin Out.

So the other day I went shopping with my friend Shannon. Shannon and I don’t really hang out much, but when we do, its pretty fun and exciting. She just got a boyfriend and she is pretty excited about it. Every time we talk about our relationships. Hers is a little more complicated because her boyfriend has a kid with another woman and so she has “baby mama drama” and so its a little difficult for her. I know I couldn’t deal with being with someone who has a kid. I mean if they found out they has a kid while I was with them I don’t think I would be too mad but I wouldn’t voluntarily get into a relationship with someone who has a kid. I am not out to be someones mom. I am not going to be someones babysitter. But Anyway, besides that, my relationship and her relationship with her boyfriend are pretty much the same. Her boyfriend is 21 and has a kid and is living in his car because he’s having a tough time with it. Scottie is having a tough time right now financially but I’m not going to get into it, its really none of my business. I know he’s strong enough to get out of it and I have the confidence he will.

Shannon was telling me that shes afraid that her boyfriend would leave her and go to a different state. ( her boyfriend has been thinking about going to North Carolina) And it got me thinking, Scottie wants to go to California and I am perfectly okay with it. It’s his life, not mine and I wouldn’t want anyone telling me I couldn’t go somewhere  that I dreamed of going . If someone told me that I couldn’t go to Georgia because they didn’t want me to I would laugh in their face. I guess I am so used to be independent that its okay that Scottie will eventually move along and move to California. He should live a dream and noone should hold him back.It’s funny how the world works, I’ll see him again for sure.

When I was little, my mom signed a contract from my aunts saying I couldn’t leave the state while I was growing up. They wanted to watch me grow up. My mom loved living in different places but after I was born, she had to get strapped down. It sucked for her because I know she would have love to just go. Now, I want to get out, I hope she comes with me.

People want to get out of their homes. I’ve talked to so many people and they say “I gotta get the hell out of here, move on” and I agree. Middletown New Jersey is not going to help me in my career, even though there are people here I love and memories I will never forget. It’s over for me. I can’t improve anymore here.




Picture Perfect Dreams.

There are things we dream of

Like a big house and a family

2 boys

1 girl.

A white picket fence

And a golden retriever

That you will probably name buddy

But you see in reality

The fence with get dirty

The children will grow

And life will change.

There won’t be a need for a playground in the backyard

Or lemonade stands in the summer

You will start to worry about

Curfews and dates

And broken hearts

Children think that life is a picket fence

Waiting to be jumped over

But I say it’s more like barbed wire

You must get hurt

In order to escape

This world we live in is very cliche I’ve noticed.. but my  generation is trying to change that, and I am very happy :) 

Congrats to all the 2012 Middletown High School North Grads! You’re finally out of hell! 


Finally Finding the Light.

So yesterday, I have officially found the University I want to go to after Brookdale.Since High School, I had been searching for  countless hours for writing schools. I went to AWP and met writing schools but I didn’t really feel a connection with any of them. This College wasnt even at AWP but I love it anyway.

Before I tell you what college I picked (I want to give it some suspense) I want to tell you a backstory of why I picked this area to even think about going to school.

Last summer for my graduation, my mom surprised me with a trip to Disney. I hadn’t gone to disney since I was 6 yrs old. Alot of rides had opened within that 12 years I wasnt there. They also created a Harry Potter theme park, and me being a some what Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go and see what it was all about. But to my surprise, Florida was the least most enjoyable part of the trip. Besides going to Nashville and the Grand Ole Opry on the way there, the trip was a roller coaster of emotions and for a while it wasn’t much fun.On our way home, we stopped in Savannah Georgia. My mom and I have been watching the Food Network together for as long as I could remember. I’ve always wanted to jump into the Tv and taste Paula Deen’s Food. Paula Deen  coincidentally, is from Savannah Georgia. I wanted to see the Lady in Sons ( her restaurant) in person because I had heard about it on the show.

Once we got into the town of Savannah, I instantly fell in love with the atmosphere. The roads in downtown Savannah were small, but it was okay. It reminded me a little bit of Red Bank, which made me feel comfortable so far away from home. When we walked into The Lady and Sons I felt like I had finally jumped into the Tv, I could smell the sweet smell of southern comfort food, it was something I had NEVER smelt before in my life. The earliest time we could get a table would have been late so we didn’t eat there but we did buy a piece of Paula Deen’s Pecan Pie and let me tell you, it was the best pecan pie I have ever had in my entire life. As I was eating I was telling my mom I wanted it at my wedding. Before leaving Savannah we went to Paula’s brothers restaurant. It was called Bubbas.It was a seafood restaurant that sat right on the bayou.As we were driving to the restaurant, I kept staring out the window in amazement. The moss that was hanging from the trees was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Once we pulled into the restaurant, I heard the crickets begin to chirp. It wasn’t like New Jersey crickets, these were much louder.

When we walked into the restaurant, I was seated by one of the most attractive men I had ever seen in my life. Sitting down I was shell shock, I had walked into the cowboy Macy’s and I was going to enjoy the good food and the nice view. If I thought the mater de was hott, my waiter was even hotter. His name was mitchell and he sounded like Blake Shelton. He was telling us that New Jersey’s rep was ruined and he was happy we weren’t all guidos. Damn Snookie, ruining our rep.

Anyway, as I sat and ate the best corn bread I’ve ever had, I listened to our waiter talk about the grits,seafood and his life in Georgia. He was really nice, our waiters here are  nicer than in New Jersey, so it was a surprise to me. He even let us take a picture with him at the end. My friends wouldn’t believe how hott he was otherwise.

As I was leaving Savannah, I was stuffed, satisfied,and disappointed all at the same time. Savannah itself didn’t disappoint me, leaving Savannah itself did. I didn’t want to leave. I wish I could have spent a week there. Savannah felt like home. Everyone was so nice, and kind it was a BIG difference compared to New Jersey.

So when looking for a school, I decided that a school in Savannah would be the perfect choice. I love the south, I love country music, and finding a writing school in Savannah put the icing on the cake of love and passion. I was talking to this one girl in my English class a few months ago about colleges, she told me she  wanted to go to Savannah College. I had never heard of Savannah College. She didn’t tell me at the time it was a university for the arts. So yesterday as I looked up Savannah College for the first time, I was pleasantly surprised that it was a school for the arts. It has my major, it isn’t that expensive, and it is in a good area of Savannah.

I have decided I want to go there for my bachelors instead of my masters. I was going to do a NJ BFA and then a Savannah MFA, but after talking to my friend about it, I have decided that I am too, done with New Jersey. New Jersey is my home, My family, but Savannah and SCAD are my future and I cannot wait to jump into it.

I am not going for another year and a half, but getting all the information was exciting and I thought I would share my excitment with you!


The Golden Key

The Golden truth lies

In the hearts of lost boys

Hoping, dreaming of becoming

The superheroes in their comic books

Saving the day and getting the girl

Of their dreams.

The key to their hearts

are hidden, Lost,

Guarded by villains and monsters

of their withered imaginations.

Their Hopes and dreams

Are crushed underneath

Lies and deceit

That are lost

In the fictional characters

That are made up

In their dark, damaged


But you see

The Golden Key

Is hidden

Beneath the surface

Of the world

Where black

has turned white

And Happiness

Has turned into sadness

And imagination

Is our new reality.


Inspired by my friend Sam. He wrote this poem that was really interesting. if you wanna read it you can go to I got pretty inspired, hope you do too!