17 Years and Still Mourning

Remember the 6th of June

And all the things we put you through.

 17 years vanished from this earth we crawl

 like cockroaches awaiting this destiny we call purgatory

 but we are not scared.


Remember the 6th of June because on that day

God created an angel that sits in her rocking chair watching

as her family remembers the empty seat.

17 years and never replaced by a warm body

of someone that couldn’t compare.


Remember the 6th of June

and  the smell of red roses, pale skin,

oil paints. Remember the smell of shore washing over the faces

of her grandchildren like waves. Moisture from her memories seeping

into our mourning minds.

We await one day to see her

 to open our hearts and hold her

Just like we had 17 years ago.


Grind #3

Today is my Grandma’s Birthday. She died 17 years ago. It feels like a lifetime, but I know she’s always around.

Happy Birthday Grandma. I love you and miss you very much.





We stood single file in front of a small window


for an emotionless Indian receptionist

with a colored turban and a mustache

she looks down not staring us in the eye because

she doesn’t want to judge us. She hands us the packet

the contract telling us that there is no turning back, we cannot find a neon sign

and run. The fire exit is locked and the only way down is the elevator shaft

but that will make a scene, and we aren’t going to make a scene.


we shuffle our feet slowly

against the mucus colored carpet and we think

what would be like if we actually went along with it?

13 to 30 we stand like a unenthusiastic conga line


Not waiting for anything important like a movie ticket

or an amusement park ride feeling like clouds are in my throat

This is not like that.

My stomach acid is churning like butter with the little

water I was only allowed to drink and it tastes like skin.


I look at the clipboard, the piles of papers

asking me for my social security number,telephone number,

my insurance provider, and my name

and I don’t know

because this isn’t me.

Broken Blood Line

Our veins crossed

Like backroads in a small town.

Blood flowed through us

Like a water slide

You would hold my shoulders tightly,

Squeezing your eyes shut as we flew.

Our heartbeat harmonized

Like the Queen songs

We sang to when we were 17.

Our fingerprints matched

Like our clothes did

Every Christmas

For the first 5 years of our lives.

Today we don’t match

You lay in a box

With your hands folded

Across your chest.

You have a grin on your face

As if you are telling me not to cry

To not be sad that you’re gone

But half of me is lying in a box

Pretending to be sleeping

And I can’t wake me up.



I could never be a twin.


Bloodshed and Broken Hearts in Colorado.

I really can’t believe what this world is really coming to….


After hearing about the shooting in Colorado at the Dark Knight  Rises midnight Premiere and reading this article, I am amazed at some of these people in this country. According to this article, this was the largest shooting the country ( 71 victims total) has ever had. After watching many videos and news reports about this terrifying incident, I found out that the youngest victim dead was a 6 year  old. Someone must be sick minded to kill a small child. The Dark Knight Rises was a well anticipated movie especially since the prequel to that featured the late Heath Ledger. 59 anticipating individuals gathered to the theater with costumes or “batman gear” eagerly waiting to see the film. Who knew that some of them, would never be able to see the ending.

I thought about the movies after hearing about all this and I don’t think I’ve ever been to the movies alone. I mean I guess you could go alone.But it seems kind of weird to me, like you can easily get The Dark Knight Rises on bootleg for the fraction of the cost for a ticket and sit at home and watch it if you can’t get someone to go with you. I don’t know, I think if I  was working at the movies I would find a single person ticket to be a little strange. Apparently the shooter bought a ticket and than snuck out of the emergency exit. Isn’t there like a beeping sound whenever you open one of those doors? Maybe its not like that in Aurora Colorado…. who knows.

According to this one news report I watched, they referred to the victims as “sitting ducks” and personally, I agree.A movie theater, especially for a well anticipated film is a perfect place for a massacre… and movies theaters don’t have security. I know  that for a fact because I’ve snuck into a few R rated moves in my day without a problem. The shooter threw tear gas into the crowd of people and with all that confusion and special effects of the film, I too would have been confused of what was going on. This man who killed all these people was twisted because that tear gas made it impossible for the paramedics to get to the wounded innocent people and some of them died, and that is the worst part.

This one video I watch was from a cell phone that someone took while the aftermath of the massacre was taking place. #1 who in their right mind would take a video of what was going on? I mean sure, it was great for the public but I would be running my ass off so I wouldn’t be shot #2 Who has the guts to stay there? I mean, a man just shot 59 people, randomly. why are you videoing what happened?

I am curious to why people decide to kill innocent people. Like, you don’t know these people… these people are innocent. I don’t understand. The one thing that boggles my mind is that we have drills at the schools now because of Columbine and Virginia Tech.We have to worry about children in the schools, now we have to worry about going to the movies.We can’t do anything alone anymore.

The world we live in  is a rough one… Americans attacking other Americans….can’t we all just take care of each other in this country?

For the victims of the Colorado shooting living and deceased, my heart goes out to you at this tragic time.