An Ode to the Day


To the day before another day

 a special day

Where two people met for the first time

Where bonds were formed like muscles

and piercing cries echoed empty hallways.

Pale blue pant sets worn over street clothes

Protection of what’s to come.

 

She swears she won’t know what to do with it now

But she’ll figure it out with time.

By 21 she’s cried for 21 years on the same day

Because after today she can’t go back

and teach whats already been taught.

 

Candles flicker in a black room

and people smile,but her.

She knows that her baby has grown

and wont need her,but forever she will be there

Anyway.

 

Tomorrow is my Birthday, and every year I cry the night before. It’s a personal tradition I guess. I hate getting old.

Sarah

Life Changer.


you are a piece of me

like an pendent you sparkle

blinding strangers with your raze of grace you tower high

into this world look down and see nothing

specks of green,brown moving down highways but yet

you feel small,engulfed by crowds of screams and glassy eyes

they await for you

to feel your warmth as you shut the door

they long to move on but in that split second

they are with you

and their lives are changed forever

 

Today is my mom’s birthday and I can’t even tell you how many lives she touches and changes everyday. She is a wonderful women and I’m proud to call her my mom

 

Happy Birthday Mom!

 

Love Sarah.

Skinny on the Fourth of July!


Skinny on the Fourth of July!

Well yesterday was the fourth of July, and I like every year, I celebrated it with my family. This year however, my cousin Joan and I went to the beach instead of tubing down the Delaware like we did last year. When picking out what bathing suit I was going to wear I was hesitant because this is the first year I sported the bikini look. My whole life I was fat, but after hard work I lost 30 lbs! Granted, I gained some back but I’m trying to stay consistent but its hard when its the summer and you are going out and eating and there is chips everywhere. But anyway, I decided to wear my bikini to the beach because, who’s looking at me? I have a boyfriend, I’m not trying to impress anyone, I’m just going to spend time with my cousin. When going to the beach, I didn’t tell her I was wearing a bikini because I still wasn’t sure if I was going to take off my cover up at all. But, once we were all setting up  I found out she was wearing one too! I felt so relaxed because she had been working out hard for months and its paying off and she looks great! My cousin’s boyfriend took a picture of all of us.

It’s always a nice tradition to spend the fourth of July with my family and I can’t wait for next year to do it all over again!

Sarah

My Journey to the Last Frontier


Now that I’m back from Alaska I am humbled by the images I saw everywhere you look was like a picture everywhere you looked you saw these gorgeous mountains that I miss the most about being there. Some people wouldn’t think that Alaska would be a great place to go, or it is too far but I will say this, it was so worth it. After the  10 long hours in the plane, we greeted with this.

 and then I realized that is trip was going to be different.

With a 4 hour time difference from home I fell asleep the minuete I got there. The weirdest thing about Alaska however is that it never got dark there. The sun would set and then never go down.

This is from 11:00 pm granted the flash was on but you can see that you really didn’t need the flash at all. It was beautiful there and I really can’t even describe it because it was just breathtaking. Truly, enough with me talking about it. I think the pictures speak for themselves.

 

 

 

but there is one thing I need  to talk about, you all know I ate during my trip, but I did find the French Toast I’ve ever had.

 

 It was a stuffed French toast with a orange cream with raspberry butter. It was a place called the Snow City Café. It is voted the best Breakfast in Anchorage and I couldn’t agree more. So fabulous.

 

My trip to Alaska was really grand but I am glad to be home. Won’t be going on a plane for a while.

But it was so worth the trip

 

Sarah

17 Years and Still Mourning


Remember the 6th of June

And all the things we put you through.

 17 years vanished from this earth we crawl

 like cockroaches awaiting this destiny we call purgatory

 but we are not scared.

 

Remember the 6th of June because on that day

God created an angel that sits in her rocking chair watching

as her family remembers the empty seat.

17 years and never replaced by a warm body

of someone that couldn’t compare.

 

Remember the 6th of June

and  the smell of red roses, pale skin,

oil paints. Remember the smell of shore washing over the faces

of her grandchildren like waves. Moisture from her memories seeping

into our mourning minds.

We await one day to see her

 to open our hearts and hold her

Just like we had 17 years ago.

 

Grind #3

Today is my Grandma’s Birthday. She died 17 years ago. It feels like a lifetime, but I know she’s always around.

Happy Birthday Grandma. I love you and miss you very much.

 

Sarah.

Something To Think About.


So I’ve finally realized that everything that my mother said in my life has sunk into my brain.

 

 

My mom has been always a constant supporter. She has always told to never give up and that even though “it wouldn’t be forever” to put your heart into it anyway. She always told me not step backwards even if it was more comfortable then where I was at that moment, that one day where I was standing would get too comfortable and I would have to move on. But one of the most important things she told me was to finish what you started. If it meant dancing till the recital or finishing a class even though it was hard. You will feel accomplished once it was over and that you never backed down even if it got hard.

 

and now I am telling others to do the same.

 

There are many people who have no confidence and granted, even though my mother’s words of wisdom helped me throughout life, I wasn’t the most confident person in the world. Going through tasks in my life, I doubted myself and my decisions but with my decisions became lessons. Even though they were learned the excuenatingly hard way, they were lessons I had to learn to be the person I am today. Some people fall and sometimes don’t get back up and I wish I could help the world. I wish they all had a mother that said “why are you falling? Is it comfortable on the ground? Why aren’t you getting back up and proving them wrong?”

 

I had a friend who was like that. All he wanted to do was prove people wrong, even though he may have been wrong, he was never going to prove the other man right. In a way that showed me that you can have confidence even if youre wrong but if you know youre wrong, own up to do. Admit that you are wrong and move on. But this friend fought with the world and tried to show the world he was better, but in the end, the world won.

 

I also have another friend who is the complete opposite. He thinks that the world and the people who bring him down are right. I used to be like that. But just like you are wrong sometimes, the world is also wrong too. People make judgments and critize people who shouldn’t be critized, but that’s how the world works.  People who are strong can find the balance. To have confidence but also take the critisms and run with it. Make yourself better for yourself.

 

I wish everyone had a mom like mine. I hope one day if unfortunately I have children, I hope to be a mom like her. She may have her moments of self doubt but she is level headed and is able to have that balance of confidence to self doubt. I know there are moms out there who are the opposite of mine. They tell their kids they aren’t going to be successful and won’t do anything with their lives. How do you expect the kid to be confident in themselves if the only support they think they have doesn’t support them?

 

I hope people find the support they need to get through life. Because even though life may be hard, life is a forest, pick a trail and run.

 

 

Sarah.

Happy Mother’s Day.


Photo: Happy Mother's Day mom :) love you lots

 

Oh Mom, I love you so much.

 

I gotta say this mother’s day is a little more special to me. This year I have gained a lot of women in my life that love me like daughters and I care about and appreciate what they do for me. From caring for me as I smack my head, to guiding me through my academic life these women in my life are always there. My own flesh and blood mother will always be my constant support academically,emotionally and physically. When picking out flowers for my Boyfriend’s mom yesterday I was thinking about all the sons and daughter who won’t get to see their moms on mothers day. Either they are up in heaven or on the other side of the world. I have a facebook friend who skyped with her family and posted pictures because she goes to school all year around. I hope I am here every Mother’s day because it would break my heart not to see my mom on her special day. My mother and I have a bond that no one will break. We may not always get along, she may not always like my decisions, but she  supports me and will never walk away. She is the one I talk to when I come home late and the first person who texts me in the morning when I am not home. I love her with all my heart, and I wish she wasn’t working today, but I am glad I got to spend the day with her yesterday.

 

To all my Moms… but most importantly my real mom.

Happy Mother’s Day

 

Love Sarah.

How Easter Has Changed.


Easter. 

 

I never really  thought of Easter as big of a holiday as this year turned out to be. But today was different. Paul ( the new guy) came to dinner with my family and I gotta say, I wouldn’t have what I have any other way. My family loves him, (most) of my friends love him, I love him, it’s all just a wonderful thing. But anyway going back to dinner with my family. It’s funny how a group of people can make you feel so whole even when you think your life is awesome they make it even worth while. At this moment, I am the happiest I will ever be in my life. I have given the opportunity to not only have an amazing family, but also a few amazing friends and an amazing boyfriend. When I was young I thought noone was going to understand me or try to get me. They would judge me but. But right now, no one…. noone is judging me. I am finally genuially happy. My life is exciting and I am eager to see where 5 years down the line takes me. 

Here are some pictures of the day:

Paul and I 

 

My mom made an arrangement for Paul’s family. 

 

I have more but i can’t figure out why instagram online can’t put pictures on other sites.. bullshit…

 

Happy Easter everyone!

Beautiful Girl.


 

I watch the men and women

People I knew

People I loved

Black dresses, suits

Emerging into all doors

The clicking of high heels

Echo the empty church

We are waiting

for her

The organ begins to play

An hour glass of time

Till we will see her

Men weeping for a woman

Who touched the young, old

And me, we watch

As she is glides

in a shiny oak casket

Towards the man who she had always loved

Even though he took her only son

The perfume of flowers

Engulf our sense

As our priest

Blankets her in frankincense

Blessing her

And wishing her a safe trip

I watch her daughter

My friend

Stand at a podium

Telling the world how wonderful her mother is

Was

And me thinking

“thank god it wasn’t mine”

salt from my eyes

Slip into my mouth

I look at her

Tearless,

she smiles down

At the mother she once hugged

Once kissed

And says

“I will make you proud mom”

RIP Yvonne Mckay 12/2007