the reasons.


You realized your life was over when she walked away

There was no time to grab her shoulder

To turn her around and smack her with your lips

There was not enough “I’m sorry”s in the world to fix this

She doesn’t want you now even though she thought

There wasn’t a world without you before

Too much time has passed and as you wait she falls in love

And gets everything you thought she deserved but was too scared

To give

She had never smiled so beautiful  or glowed so bright

When she was with you because she knew

It wasn’t forever even though it could have been

If she didn’t become a woman in one week

She cried harder then the worst of storms and you hid

Behind a stools and strangers to forget

One day she realized what she wanted

A quiet morning she left what she loved to move on

Running against the current she fought to not look back

But she was being sucked back like a vacuum that you were controlling

Pictures of regrets flashed into your head and you realized why

She wanted to go.

You let her

she is safe now

And you are a man

That will always be just

Misunderstood.

 

 

Thank you for everyone who clicks on my butterfly when they see it!

Sarah

Good,Better,Best.


You are my own good

You are the best I possibly could have

You think you can have better

But what is better?

Who can be better, how do you know what

Better looks like?

How would know if there  is any better out there?

How do you know if I’m not the best

You are going to get

Or

If there isn’t anything better

Than me.

Things Left Unsaid.


Every time I hang out with my friend Shannon, we always talk about relationships. I’ve known Shannon since I was in elementary school and its awesome that we still hang out after all this time. We talk about our relationships and things happening in our lives and its really really nice. It’s like a release of everything that has been going on and taking a closer look at it. It helps me analyze not only her life and how I can help her make decisions,but how I can change my life for the better. 

Today we were talking about her new guy she was talking to and how everything is new to her now, now she is not with the same guy she was with before. I know that sounded complicated but there is a point to this madness. I think in relationships alone its all about taking it slow and I think thats how relationships fall short because not many couples do that anymore. I know this one couple that even after a week, they started saying “I love you” to eachother. Bitch please, you can’t love them if you don’t know them. Love takes time. You might be falling in love, but you’re not in love. Falling in love and being in love are two completely different things. 

I think this whole labeling of Boyfriend and Girlfriend are completely ridiculous also. I was talking to Scottie a couple of months ago and he said something that was accurate about relationships. He said that once you label something it starts to have rules,regulations and expectations and what’s the point of that if it will be the same if you just date the without those complicated rules. From the many guys I’ve talked to, I’ve noticed that they are terrified of the labels. It frightens them because now they are locked down. They have to be the ass kisser.

You don’t need to put a name on it to make legit. If you care about the person there is unspoken regulations anyway. I don’t know why there has to be a novel written of rules of how to be in a relationship and what or what not to do while you’re in one. People make it complicated and everything should be simple. 

As I walked through Red Bank tonight alone, I watched as a couple held hands while walking out of the movie theater  I wondered how long it took to get where they were standing and how difficult the road they traveled was. I wondered if the man was a nice guy or if that date to the movies was just a fluke moment in the relationship.I wondered if the girl was happy or if she was only in the relationship because she was afraid to be alone. I wondered if they had a label or their feelings and thoughts were unsaid….

 

 

sarah.

Taking A Chance.


Photo

This semester I purposely put alot on my plate when it came to school. I wanted to see if I could balance going to school full time, going to work,running two clubs,and participating in two others.Plus staying active and still being social. For an ordinary person that might sound like way to much but for me, I am somehow managing it,ontop of having a cold for what feels like a million years. I surprise myself on a daily basis. I’ve realized that with all this pressure comes LOTS of organization skills. I’ve never been organized but now that’s all I think about. I plan my days by the minute and only I can change plans. I know it sounds really bitchy but sometimes I can’t fit everything I want to do before I pass out at the end of the day.

But as a writer, I can’t just sit around and wait for inspiration to strike, I have to go out and find it. I never understood how some writers like Emily Dickinson could just sit in her room all day long and write. I would need to go out and smell the air. I need to look at people and take everything I know about them and slap it on paper. My prompt for this week for my creative writing class is to sit somewhere and watch people talk to eachother and take notes aka stalking them. As a “creep” I think its kind of awesome because I do that alot anyway. I eavesdrop all the time. It’s so difficult for me to sit in a restaurant with someone and not eavesdrop.Dates are the worst for me because with all those people around me at a restaurant, I can’t concentrate on the person in front of me.

As a writer you have to creep around a little just to get inspiration. You have to dig deep into a person’s soul for ideas because your soul  holds only so much and there is some stuff you may not want to share to the world. When you’re a writer you MUST take a chance. It may be publishing, or just writing about something you aren’t too comfortable talking about. Last semester,I took a nonfiction writing class, and I must say, that class is the definition of risk. There were tear stains on my paper when I was  handing them in. That class showed how much the world wants to hear your story, even if you don’t want to share it. But as a writer, you must have the confidence in yourself to write it down.

I believe that writing is a way for people to tell the world how they feel without getting beat up in the process. In alot of my writing, especially  in fiction writing, I write things that I wish could happen in my life, or things I wish I could have said  or how I felt about a person when I met them. After becoming friends with fellow writers, I’ve realized that we are all very judgmental people. I can say that I  am one of them. We have gut reactions and they may or may not form into characters but with every person I meet, a little inspiration is left with me.

With my life and in my writing I take  chances.maybe I’m just crazy… who knows.. We’ll find out at the end of the semester..

Sarah.

Three Small Words


So my friend and I were talking yesterday about Love. As you can probably tell love is a huge topic in my life. I am really intrigued by love because it’s the most misinterpreted feeling ever. People may think they feel love, but in reality love  is bigger than those 3 little words and honestly it really can’t be described.

When I watch those romance comedies I think “wow,that man really said i love you to that chick. He’s really got some balls” because men and the words “I love you” don’t usually go together. I was reading a post about this on thoughtcatalog the other day and it was about what is the best ways to say I love you and in reality there really isn’t the best way. I remember when I told someone I loved them for the first time I held my breath because I was afraid of the reaction and I also in shock that it came out. I remember I said it over and over  in my head just so I wouldn’t mess up. So I wouldn’t have to repeat it. I don’t think I’ve ever been so vulnerable in my life when I said it. I unfortunately didn’t get an “I love you too” response but I wasn’t expecting it either. It was just something I had to say.

I think men are afraid of the words I love you because those words hold a world full of baggage. A commitment is enough baggage, and then you have to love them too? If you aren’t organized, than all your baggage will fall out of your hands and your relationship will fall apart too.

To me, you don’t have to say I love you to love someone. If you show them respect and you enjoy being around them than that’s love. I wrote another post about what exactly love is and it’s all about emotion.You don’t need to hold the door or buy me gifts. That isn’t love.

I think people don’t use “I love you” seriously. Kids/teenagers are throwing those words around like it’s a normal thing to say. I wouldn’t say “i love you” to someone if I didn’t mean it. If I am seriously telling you that I love you, I mean that I have given you my heart and you are mine and I will keep your best interest and I will be there for you, no matter what. When people say “I love you”, to me it’s like a promise. It’s a vow that you will always care about this person because this person has touched your heart in ways no one has before and  you are acknowledging and appreciating  them everyday.

I know people don’t say I love you anymore because now its lost a lot of meaning. It’s not the same as it used to be. I think it’s a shame that we have overrated love to the point where no one can say I love you. But I believe that you don’t have to hear someone tell you they love you, you just have to feel it.

Sarah.

I’m a Lucky Girl.


As I walked into the 7/11 last night, I realized how lucky I am. I was watching this girl  who was with her boyfriend and I felt like was watching my reflection. She was standing at the doorway of waiting for her boyfriend who was getting coffee. She didn’t look happy but when she saw him walking towards her,she smiled really wide. But than, the guy just walked past her without any recollection of her at all. She followed him with her head down and her smile disappeared. That whole scenario wasn’t my reflection but when the girl left, I asked Scottie if he saw what just happened. He was also getting coffee next to the asshole guy so he didn’t see anything, of course. It hit me that if I was that girl and I smiled really huge when Scottie was walking up to me, I don’t think he would ignore me. He would roll his eyes and call me a geek and we would walk out together.I am lucky that I am not stuck in a situation like that girl was in. In a way, I actually understood her because I was like that atleast once in my life. You’re trapped because you love the person so much  because if you left them, it would  kill you

After our trip to 7/11, Scottie and I we were talking about eyes. Recently, eyes have started to intrigue me. I wonder what people see when they see me. Supposedly I am easy to read, but reading me and looking in my eyes are two very different things. My eyes can tell you one story but “I” can tell you another. He said something that really got me thinking. He said “when you look in my eyes, you see only one thing, right?” and I shook my head. He was surprised. When I look into peoples eyes I see what they want to say but are too afraid to say. I see stories that I can’t read. I see a beautiful mixture of colors that make a person unique. I see the tears that will eventually come. I see feelings that are hidden deep within them. I look into his eyes, I realize how lucky I am.

Yup, I am really corny… and a little cute <3

Sarah.

A Mutual Feeling.


The love I have for you in indescribable

its like going to a place where you know you are destined to be

its like crying when you see your child for the first time

its an unbelievable feeling

its an uncontrollable feeling.

I know you’ve felt this before

but I know it wasn’t because of me

so I know you can relate.

It’s like you can cry because you have no idea

why your heart is beating and breaking

all at the same time.

You thrive to know answers

to dig deep inside your mind

to figure out why

when did this happen

and you come out with nothing

because only your  heart knows why and how it happened

But I am glad my heart chose you.

YAYAY I got a poem out of my system. WRITERS BLOCK FOR TWO WEEKS SUCKS!

sarah.

Pulling the Petals Off.


Last night I was hanging out with my friends Andrew and Sam. We usually hang out every couple weeks. I am used to seeing every week during the school year but now that its the summer, things have changed. But nonetheless, I enjoy hanging out with them. It’s funny how you meet people, complete strangers and than they turn into your friends. I was reading a blog post and the girl was talking about how amazed the “friend flower” blooms on some and not on the other.This post got me thinking after that for a while, friends are infact like flowers. Some you kill   because its too hot or some love the heat and will bloom anyway.

For my whole life, it always took me a while to get over the people who are no longer in my life. I am not the type of person who can just brush a person out of my life. If I have a bond with you, and I care about you, know I will love and appreciate you like family, and no other way.When people say I can’t get over the fact that we aren’t friends, I am over the fact we aren’t friends, I can’t get over the fact that you think that what you did was okay.

My new friends now are awesome because they get it. We all understand that our friendship may or may not stay together because we are going to all different schools but its okay because we are having fun now. It’s going to be tough for me because I care about them so much but I know if our friendship is strong enough we can atleast try to make it work.

The worst is when the people I really care about shit on me and think they are going to get away with it. I mean what makes them think “oh I’m gunna shit on Sarah today,  I don’t know why exactly, I just wanna see her cry.” Maybe I am too nice because I’ve never thought like that.

No matter how nice you are, everyone has a dark side. I know for a fact I do. With my creative mind I come up with things I wish I did, things I could say when I’m mad. People should be put in their place, and not many people do that anymore. In everyones life, they have one of those moments where they think they are all that, but really in this fucked up world we live in, everyone is the same.

People are fucked up in this world and its a shame..

Sarah.

Kind Eyes.


I may not miss you today

I may not miss you tomorrow

but in a lifetime

I know I will.

It may not be tomorrow

It may not be today

but in a lifetime

I will long for you

your sweet smile

and mysterious eyes.

Eyes that hold so many secrets

so many lies.

It may not be today

It may not be tomorrow

but someday

I will find out what you hide

Behind those kind eyes.

Today my mom and I talked about her past relationships and how my relationships with guys are almost the same as hers were. It’s nice that she can finally understand me.  I am so happy I can finally talk to her about everything without feeling like I have something to hide.She can feel what my heart is feeling because she has already felt it. She has gone through what I am going through and didn’t care about how anything was going to turn out, just like I don’t. I’m glad somebody finally understands. 

Night.

Sarah. 

All That Matters.


You walk with me down the river bank
Your hand feels clammy
I look at you
You look nervous
I smile
I try to comfort you
Nervous is the last thing you should be feeling
I will make you see
That the simple things in life
Mean more than the bigger things
That a simple good morning
Could make your day
Or a kiss goodnight
Will help you sleep better at night
We start to run
Feel alive
Feel free
We are together
And that’s all that matters.

 

Inspired by the song Cough Syrup by Young the Grant.Apparently its really popular… I am extremely unaware of the new music out there..I’m stuck in the country world! 

Happy Rainy Monday!

Sarah.