An Ode to the Day


To the day before another day

 a special day

Where two people met for the first time

Where bonds were formed like muscles

and piercing cries echoed empty hallways.

Pale blue pant sets worn over street clothes

Protection of what’s to come.

 

She swears she won’t know what to do with it now

But she’ll figure it out with time.

By 21 she’s cried for 21 years on the same day

Because after today she can’t go back

and teach whats already been taught.

 

Candles flicker in a black room

and people smile,but her.

She knows that her baby has grown

and wont need her,but forever she will be there

Anyway.

 

Tomorrow is my Birthday, and every year I cry the night before. It’s a personal tradition I guess. I hate getting old.

Sarah

Preparing for Change.


I always wondered what it would be like to just one day, pack up all your things and leave and not even turn around to say goodbye.Last night Paul and I were talking about the coming months and for the first time ever in my life I was scared. I wasn’t scared because more time is passing and I am getting older, I was scared because in 6 months I will be leaving home for the first time to live on my own. Granted, I’ll be living in a dorm with a complete stranger but to me, It will be as close to being alone as I’ve ever gotten. I’ve been away from home before, like on vacation but I always came back to something familiar after a week of being gone but being away at school is not just a week, its months at a time.

I won’t be very far though, only 45mins away, but it is different. not being able to come home grab my clothes and go down the street to Paul’s will be strange. Not seeing my mom everyday or atleast being able to pop in at Acmoore or wherever she may be will be difficult.

Ive never been afraid of change. When I was younger I’d change my hair constantly. I never cried when they chopped It off because I’d know it would grow back in a few months and I’d be back in the salon getting it chopped off again. But In the last few years I was afraid of what fate will give me. What god thinks I can handle.I don’t want to miss out on a thing but I also want to be my own person and see what I want to see with the people I want to be with . I know these next few months will be preparing months and months after will be hard but if life was easy, no one would be pushing themselves to be better and I know I want to be better then I am today.

One Day


we will be leaving

one day

to never look back at the streets we know so well

to the neon sign of the Wawa hanging in the air

one day

we will leave this town where it grew as we grew

and now it  seems too small

one day

we will say goodbye to familiar faces

kids of kids we played with in the yard

one day

we will drive up to a sign we had never seen

and smile because

one day

this will be our home.

Grind #7

I know its been a while but with now three jobs and a boyfriend and a family, I never get time for myself.

I Surprise Myself.


So Today I was going through old pictures with my mom. Oh have I changed.

But besides looking at my  chubby face and my variety of odd hair do’s and ugly clothes, I thought about the girl in the picture. That girl in the picture would never believe the things I have overcome in the  last 19 years of my life. Even looking in the Mirror today, I still can’t believe the girl staring back at me has overcome the obsticles put infront of her and is still standing tall.

I surprise myself sometimes. Today I was driving my car and it hit me that I was  actually operating the vehicle. I have the capability of controlling a 20 ton car with no problem. I look at my mother with amazement seeing that she can control an entire school bus with 54 screaming children inside it.

The other night I was talking to my friend Krystal. I hadn’t seen Krystal in 2 years and it didn’t feel weird. I was worried that it would have, but it didn’t. I was telling her about some stuff that has happened in my life recently and she said “Showed you how strong you  really are, huh?” and I never thought about it. I never thought about myself through the pain and problems I was going through. I was trying to get through one day at a time. I think if I thought about myself I wouldn’t have gotten through it.

But now that the nightmare is over, I feel like I can get through anything. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I feel like if I didn’t go through the problems in my life I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I have cried enough in the last 2 months to fill an ocean, I have freaked out enough to be in a loony bin. and I have wrote my problems out so many times I could make a novel. But that’s me.

Tomorrow is the 24th. I hate the 24th of the month. It’s the unluckiest day of the month. But I am happy I will be tail gating tomorrow at the Jason Aldean concert instead of sitting home alone. I don’t think I would want to be alone tomorrow. Being alone makes you more depressed sometimes. I know when people are depressed, all they want to do is be alone;but I think that people make you stronger. They make you realize you have a purpose in life.

I know without my friends, I don’t think I would have gotten through the last few months. Within the last couple months, I have found out who my real friends are. From the ones who let me sleep on their couch after a long horrendous day, to the ones I call crying so hard I can’t speak and they just listen. I am grateful for the people who are in my life now. They have  literally picked up when I fell and showed me how strong I was capable of being. They have made me feel wanted when I thought no one cared.  I have grown up tremendously in the last month that even I have noticed it. I have become an adult. I have never felt this confident with myself. These people in my life don’t judge. They don’t lie. I know they would never screw me over. They have been by my side and I will be there for them.

I’m going to hang out with my friend Liz. Who say’s hi to all you followers and friends.

xo Sarah