One Day


we will be leaving

one day

to never look back at the streets we know so well

to the neon sign of the Wawa hanging in the air

one day

we will leave this town where it grew as we grew

and now it  seems too small

one day

we will say goodbye to familiar faces

kids of kids we played with in the yard

one day

we will drive up to a sign we had never seen

and smile because

one day

this will be our home.

Grind #7

I know its been a while but with now three jobs and a boyfriend and a family, I never get time for myself.

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Where to Go Next?


So I found out the other day that I am going to be getting my associates in the spring and I am excited yet terrified at the same time. in 1 year I’ll be on my own. It’s extremely overwhelming. I am going to be leaving my friends, family and everything I’ve ever known and probably not coming back. Every time I think or talk about it I start crying. When I was in High School, I didn’t go to a four year school because I didn’t think I was ready to leave home. I was not the adult I am now 2 years ago. I was still a kid and I never could have imagined being self sufficient at 18 years old. Even though I’m only 19, 18 to 19 is a really big step, it was for me especially. Now that I am almost 20 years old ( ew that sounds ancient) I think even though I may not be psychically ready to leave home, I know mentally I can do it. 

As an only child I got many perks. I never had to share a room. My room is and has been my own room for my entire life. It’s going to be very weird living with someone I just met. You have to trust them not to steal your stuff while you’re in class. That would be the one thing that would scare me. I think I would have to get a safe because after living in the neighborhood I have been living in my whole life, you trust no one and no one trusts you. I don’t know how that whole roomie thing is going to work out.

Also, not having a car I know for me is going to be a huge problem. I don’t know how these college do it without a car. I heard that some people can’t bring cars if they are first years. I don’t know because I am a transfer student that I would be considered a first year. I will go into anxiety mode, I know so. If I didn’t have a way to go home even if it meant days worth of driving, at least I  would have the oppurtunity and the ability  to if I really needed. 

I am just worried about this moving away from home thing. I have a tight group of friends, I have a guy, my home, my family, my heart is here. It’s really scary leaving. I am the only one out of my family that even considered leaving. My uncle left when he was my age, but he came back. I don’t know if I am coming back. I know I am going somewhere I love but what if I get there and hate it? This is one of the biggest decisions of my life. I thought the last 2 years was difficult but now that I have to leave everything I know go somewhere that I don’t know.. It’s hell of alot more difficult. 

I have to take one step at a time.. its just crazy and overwhelming. 

Sarah. 

 

 

I Wonder.


I’m wondering if you’re counting down the days

Till I get on a plane and leave

Leaving you behind.

I wonder what you’re going to do

As you sit in the diner alone

Eating a bagel

That you bought

With your own money.

I wonder if you’ll think of me

On the cold crisp nights

Wishing my car would be sitting there

Waiting for you to come home.

I wonder if you’ll listen for the door to open

And the sound of footsteps

Coming up the stairs.

I wonder if you’ll miss my gap teeth and stringy hair

My texts, my calls

And my “I hate you” face.

I wonder if you will miss me.

I wonder.

I found out that I am graduating in the spring.. It’s kind of bittersweet but I know leaving this place is for the best.

Sarah.