Close my eyes


The boats hitting against the dock

and the low hum the water

slow beating of the heart


hearing wind whistling

in our pink ears

heat soaked into my skin

by him.

Grabs my hand and I am cold


Wondering if this worth


Putting on the armor

swinging the sword

Preparing for being




Yes, I’ve realized I haven’t been around in a long time. I took an unexpected hiatus, hopefully I will be back now.




the reasons.

You realized your life was over when she walked away

There was no time to grab her shoulder

To turn her around and smack her with your lips

There was not enough “I’m sorry”s in the world to fix this

She doesn’t want you now even though she thought

There wasn’t a world without you before

Too much time has passed and as you wait she falls in love

And gets everything you thought she deserved but was too scared

To give

She had never smiled so beautiful  or glowed so bright

When she was with you because she knew

It wasn’t forever even though it could have been

If she didn’t become a woman in one week

She cried harder then the worst of storms and you hid

Behind a stools and strangers to forget

One day she realized what she wanted

A quiet morning she left what she loved to move on

Running against the current she fought to not look back

But she was being sucked back like a vacuum that you were controlling

Pictures of regrets flashed into your head and you realized why

She wanted to go.

You let her

she is safe now

And you are a man

That will always be just




Thank you for everyone who clicks on my butterfly when they see it!





 Believe in the you that I believe in.

 Believe in the one you wanna be

 but are too scared.

The you that stood over people

who stomped you down with words

 that never mattered.

Who treated you the way they did

Because it was “cool”.

The you that kissed the wrong girls

But doesn’t regret, just laughs and turns red.

Believe in the you that thinks that they don’t have work

Everyday minute to make her happy.

Believe in the you that deserves to be happy

From the moment you wake up to the second

You lay that head on the pillow. The you that smiles

 loves deep.

Believe in the you I believe in

Because you are all I will ever need.

Complex and Content

Staring out the window




did one chapter flow into the next so beautifully

how chapters became strung together

like popcorn on string, where my life

was magnetized to another’s as if I was

the metal and I was just waiting by the phone

for him to stick to me.

I stare out the window

when did god ,fate ,the devil decide

that at this time I would find the treasure after years

of digging and coming up with nothing

except holes and scars.

the glistening gold against salt

gems jewels and you stare back

and I become so lucky

more then I even thought I was before


Just a little poem to start off a dreaded Monday, but hey already starting to plan next weekend and I already can’t wait :)


Life Changer.

you are a piece of me

like an pendent you sparkle

blinding strangers with your raze of grace you tower high

into this world look down and see nothing

specks of green,brown moving down highways but yet

you feel small,engulfed by crowds of screams and glassy eyes

they await for you

to feel your warmth as you shut the door

they long to move on but in that split second

they are with you

and their lives are changed forever


Today is my mom’s birthday and I can’t even tell you how many lives she touches and changes everyday. She is a wonderful women and I’m proud to call her my mom


Happy Birthday Mom!


Love Sarah.

Found Poems

to my Frum sisters out here


Admit it, you’re curious about being submissive

Is she out there?


I’d like to have a baby with an older woman

Be Part of a Loving Family…. LOVE!

Pull. Me. In



Two Found Poems I used Craiglist ads online. I never realized how pathetic people are and how it is so sad that people are so desperate for someone to care for them.


Why I am the Luckiest Girl in the World.

I think I am the luckiest girl in the entire world. 

I know I shouldn’t be doing this on my blog but I wanted to tell the world how happy I am and that there is still hope for the world. 

Two weeks ago, I finally realized that I can matter to someone and how even though I thought I was garbage and other people told me I was garbage, someone thought I wasn’t and loved everything about me. from my annoying laugh to my very complex mind and my stupid stories. He liked my gaped teeth smile and how I wasn’t a skinny bitch and for the first time I didn’t have to change who I was to make him happy and I didn’t have to work so hard and pretend to be someone I am not.

I met a person that tells me that I am beautiful and will continue to tell me until I accept it for myself. It’s amazing finally finding someone who loves every single part of you  and even things you don’t even notice about yourself. When you find someone who is so excited to see you, and not try to get in your pants or just to suck your lips off. This person is amazing to me because I thought every man was an asshole; i guess I was wron

I never realized how much shit I was dealing with until it was gone. How feerer I feel about myself and how life can be so relaxing and not so hard and complicated. I am the type of person who is used to being beat up and hurt and  stuck doing all the work ,but now, I don’t have to do anything. I’ve never smiled so much in my life. He is opening doors for me that I didn’t even know they even existed. 

and I finally found a person who loves me. 

and that’s why I am the luckiest girl in the world. 



Behind the Closed Door

He told me not to do it

But I wrapped my fingers around the doorknob

He said no, I don’t want

You to see me



He told me not to do it

But I wrapped my fingers around the doorknob

Because I wanted to see what

He’d do to me

If he found

Out why.

He told me not to do it

But I wrapped my fingers around the doorknob

Because I never listened

I say,

I don’t care what you look


It’s been years Jared,


I won’t judge you, you know


He told me not to do it

But I wrapped my fingers around the doorknob

Because I respected him, not only as a person

But also as a friend

I say you aren’t in Iraq

So don’t be worried

Then I let go

He whimpers on the other side

Of the door, but I haven’t walked away


But I slide down the door


For him

To call out

And willing to wait

Is worth it

And I will wait,

Will you?

Inspired by the poem BlueBird By Charles Bukowski

Here’s the link if you want to check it out

Thank you Adele for getting me through this long night.

Beautiful Girl.


I watch the men and women

People I knew

People I loved

Black dresses, suits

Emerging into all doors

The clicking of high heels

Echo the empty church

We are waiting

for her

The organ begins to play

An hour glass of time

Till we will see her

Men weeping for a woman

Who touched the young, old

And me, we watch

As she is glides

in a shiny oak casket

Towards the man who she had always loved

Even though he took her only son

The perfume of flowers

Engulf our sense

As our priest

Blankets her in frankincense

Blessing her

And wishing her a safe trip

I watch her daughter

My friend

Stand at a podium

Telling the world how wonderful her mother is


And me thinking

“thank god it wasn’t mine”

salt from my eyes

Slip into my mouth

I look at her


she smiles down

At the mother she once hugged

Once kissed

And says

“I will make you proud mom”

RIP Yvonne Mckay 12/2007

Heavy Foot,Heavy Heart.

I heard the door creek open


Walk in thinking I can’t hear you

Thinking I don’t know what you’re about to tell me

What I’m about to hear

You walk up the stairs one heavy foot

After the other saying prayers in your head

Wishing things weren’t like this

Wishing you could go back in time

Thinking how I’ll react or

If I’ll react at all

You look at me and turn

And put your head down in shame

I listen to your heavy heart beat as you  walk closer

You sit on the couch

Tan,dirty,warn out

Filled with memories

Ripped at the seams you didn’t care

You were in the moment and said you’d fix it later

But never got around to it

you take off your bulky snow shoes

It wasn’t snowing, you just liked how it looked

With your outfit

But today

You didn’t care about your outfit

Or anything in that matter

I put my arm around you

Your breath s are heavy and you face is red

Not only from the cold

But I knew you were crying

I knew it wasn’t easy

Did you laugh,did you tell

Anyone but me?

“I have to tell you something”

You said moving away from my grasp

I could feel the coldness taking over your body

This news couldn’t wait you thought

Even though it was something

I already digested.

You threw up the words

As you bit furiously at your lip

Piercing it with your teeth


Held onto to whatever was left

Of strength you had

Silence hugged you as I looked blankly out the window

Unsure of what to say

Unsure of what to feel .

You slipped your boots onto your feet

As teardrops hit the floor

You weren’t crying

your heart just didn’t know what to do

I didn’t know what to do

“I’d better go” you said

Slipping on your jacket

You were always cold

But today

You were even colder

And days to come it would be the coldest

You would ever be.

You grabbed my hand and looked up at me

Your eyes glistened in the dim street light

You were so pale, so fragile

“I’m sorry “ you said

I held you, I felt every inch of your soul

I could feel your heart break against me

And I had no tape to piece it back together

“we will get through this” I said “Just like we always had”

You sniffled and nodded not even looking up

I watched you walk away

Your boots shuffle across the concrete


Slid into your car

I see your break lights shine against the white houses

I turn to walk away

Not knowing how we would get through this

Or if we would at all.