An Ode to the Day

To the day before another day

 a special day

Where two people met for the first time

Where bonds were formed like muscles

and piercing cries echoed empty hallways.

Pale blue pant sets worn over street clothes

Protection of what’s to come.


She swears she won’t know what to do with it now

But she’ll figure it out with time.

By 21 she’s cried for 21 years on the same day

Because after today she can’t go back

and teach whats already been taught.


Candles flicker in a black room

and people smile,but her.

She knows that her baby has grown

and wont need her,but forever she will be there



Tomorrow is my Birthday, and every year I cry the night before. It’s a personal tradition I guess. I hate getting old.




You are my own good

You are the best I possibly could have

You think you can have better

But what is better?

Who can be better, how do you know what

Better looks like?

How would know if there  is any better out there?

How do you know if I’m not the best

You are going to get


If there isn’t anything better

Than me.

Something I Can’t Change.

I am not a people person

I am not deep,clever

or witty in any sense.

I don’t play with words

just so men will be confused by what I say,

by what I mean.

I listen to country music because I feel the heart

in every word they sing.

I am attracted to men who can protect me

because I am afraid I can’t take care of myself.

I am stuck on a guy who will always care

because he knows I won’t be going anywhere.

I write meaningless poetry because its illegal to kill people

and socially unaccepted to have intercourse in public.

I cry because I have scars that are starting to heal

and some that are still raw and growing infected

that just need to be cleaned.

I hold secrets deep within my soul

and regret and grief  haunt me.

I am envious of pretty girls

because I know I will never be as perfect as them

I am not pale with a curvy figure

and light eyes.

I hide behind laughs and smiles

because I know being depressed gets you nowhere

and I’ve already gone through that phase.

I am worried alot more than I portray

I am afraid of men in the white coats

I am afraid of what they will say.

I don’t want to feel the cold stethoscope

against my breast.

I don’t want to hear how I need to lose weight

by a man I barely know.

I know I am fat

you don’t have to tell me twice.

I may look patient

but in about 2.5 seconds

I could change my mood

because my heart and head play tug of war

and  I don’t know what to think.

I think about  how the world is

and how the times have changed since I was little.

when I didn’t worry about gynecologists

and children and STDS.

I wish upon stars

I pray to people who love me

just like  I always have.

I get a stomach ache when I am nervous.

I studder and get light headed

when I’m mad.

I get excited when I see people I love

My heart is too big for me

and at times I don’t know how to use it

but that’s me.

and that’s something I can’t change

especially not for you.

My thoughts on Paper.

For the month of March I had been recording reminders to myself. Now that April has just begun, I wanted to share my list. March has been a productive and LONG month. Lot has changed. I have changed, just in this month of march.

I’m glad I wrote my thoughts/encouragments down, its funny looking back.

(Its not in order)

Here’s my list for ya.

March 8th:Print out Poem for asshole girl, like she really wants it anyway.

March 19th :Make an appointment to get your hair cut, it looks hideous.

March 24: Try not to think about the past.

March 18: Don’t forget to smile, its your last day of work.

March 30th: DO NOT attack Scottie when you see him, he won’t appreciate it.

March 10th : Let the countdown begin.

March 14th: Don’t think too hard.

March 2nd : Just go with the flow, you don’t have to be in charge.

March 17th: Don’t cry as you watch her leave

March 4th: You can be a writer, get off your ass and write

March 1st: Enjoy your time here, don’t be homesick

March 20th : Don’t be discaouraged, not everyone is going to like your hair.

March 29th: Don’t get so pumped up to see him, he’s not half as happy to see you

March 22 : STOP RESEARCHING and making yourself go crazy

…… April 2nd: There’s always light at the end of the tunnel.