the reasons.


You realized your life was over when she walked away

There was no time to grab her shoulder

To turn her around and smack her with your lips

There was not enough “I’m sorry”s in the world to fix this

She doesn’t want you now even though she thought

There wasn’t a world without you before

Too much time has passed and as you wait she falls in love

And gets everything you thought she deserved but was too scared

To give

She had never smiled so beautiful  or glowed so bright

When she was with you because she knew

It wasn’t forever even though it could have been

If she didn’t become a woman in one week

She cried harder then the worst of storms and you hid

Behind a stools and strangers to forget

One day she realized what she wanted

A quiet morning she left what she loved to move on

Running against the current she fought to not look back

But she was being sucked back like a vacuum that you were controlling

Pictures of regrets flashed into your head and you realized why

She wanted to go.

You let her

she is safe now

And you are a man

That will always be just

Misunderstood.

 

 

Thank you for everyone who clicks on my butterfly when they see it!

Sarah

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Gettin Out.


So the other day I went shopping with my friend Shannon. Shannon and I don’t really hang out much, but when we do, its pretty fun and exciting. She just got a boyfriend and she is pretty excited about it. Every time we talk about our relationships. Hers is a little more complicated because her boyfriend has a kid with another woman and so she has “baby mama drama” and so its a little difficult for her. I know I couldn’t deal with being with someone who has a kid. I mean if they found out they has a kid while I was with them I don’t think I would be too mad but I wouldn’t voluntarily get into a relationship with someone who has a kid. I am not out to be someones mom. I am not going to be someones babysitter. But Anyway, besides that, my relationship and her relationship with her boyfriend are pretty much the same. Her boyfriend is 21 and has a kid and is living in his car because he’s having a tough time with it. Scottie is having a tough time right now financially but I’m not going to get into it, its really none of my business. I know he’s strong enough to get out of it and I have the confidence he will.

Shannon was telling me that shes afraid that her boyfriend would leave her and go to a different state. ( her boyfriend has been thinking about going to North Carolina) And it got me thinking, Scottie wants to go to California and I am perfectly okay with it. It’s his life, not mine and I wouldn’t want anyone telling me I couldn’t go somewhere  that I dreamed of going . If someone told me that I couldn’t go to Georgia because they didn’t want me to I would laugh in their face. I guess I am so used to be independent that its okay that Scottie will eventually move along and move to California. He should live a dream and noone should hold him back.It’s funny how the world works, I’ll see him again for sure.

When I was little, my mom signed a contract from my aunts saying I couldn’t leave the state while I was growing up. They wanted to watch me grow up. My mom loved living in different places but after I was born, she had to get strapped down. It sucked for her because I know she would have love to just go. Now, I want to get out, I hope she comes with me.

People want to get out of their homes. I’ve talked to so many people and they say “I gotta get the hell out of here, move on” and I agree. Middletown New Jersey is not going to help me in my career, even though there are people here I love and memories I will never forget. It’s over for me. I can’t improve anymore here.

Sarah.

 

 

Only with Time.


I wish you the best

but on the inside

I hope you cry yourself to sleep

clutching onto tear soaken pillows

wishing things were better

wishing we were better.

Time

everything takes time.

I look out the window

and think how you can move on with life

without me in it.

how those memories could just fade

into the blue cloudless skys

that shine down on you.

how my smile or  laugh

doesn’t come flashing through your brain

whenever you hear our song.

but in this short time

you have blocked me out of your world

a place where in the first place

I didn’t belong.

but with time

your smile and your laugh

will fade out of my head

whenever I hear our song

and you will fade out of my heart

along with it.

I’ve come to a realization, and with time I will feel better about my decision but hating a person isn’t going to change anything, so whats the point.

sarah.