To the Flower that Never Bloomed


I always think of you

That little seed, that never bloomed.

People try to relate

Wonder what it would be like

To sit there and say goodbye

To someone they never met

But loved unconditionally

 

 

Years have passed

But the history of you resonates

Every morning

Wondering what it would be like

If things were different

If he’d still be there

Or if he would have ran

Afraid of the power you hold

 

 But you will someday blossom

My flower

And you will make him happy

Because I know I was

when I had you in my vase

 

s.

Two,One.


Close my eyes

listen.

The boats hitting against the dock

and the low hum the water

slow beating of the heart

Two.

hearing wind whistling

in our pink ears

heat soaked into my skin

by him.

Grabs my hand and I am cold

confused

Wondering if this worth

fighting.

Putting on the armor

swinging the sword

Preparing for being

One.

 

 

Yes, I’ve realized I haven’t been around in a long time. I took an unexpected hiatus, hopefully I will be back now.

 

S.

Alone in the Spotless Sky


Blood shot eyes look up at a spotless sky

Crickets quiet themselves enough to listen

Open there ears to hear the low moan of her

The outcry of help,regret.

But nothing would help her

Nothing ever could

The light in her soul has burned

And no love can find her in this

Spotless world.

20 years of waiting for someone to rock her

Coddle.

And only the breeze

Can keep her warm.

 

Saw of my writer friends yesterday, they always get me inspired. I feel like I need to practice, I’m losing my touch.

Sarah.

I Loved you.


 

I told you I loved you

But I will not tell you again.

 

You were 16

laying the backseat

of my 70′ Chevy Cavalier

that night.

Exposed from the waist down

your face reflected the light

from the moon that hung

over the rusty car.

 

Your hands were clammy

holding on,

your eyes rolled

to the back of

your head.

sweat beads were dripping

down your warm,soft cheeks.

Your head thrashing

Right and left.

 

You smiled.

Moving

back

and

forth

with your boney,muscular

hips.

 

I told you I loved you

because I was young

and had a boner

that hadn’t gone away

in about a week.

you were the first

halfway decent

chick

to walk into homeroom

that morning.

I hadn’t slept all night,

 your eyes were tired

and your hair fell

just right.

 

I told you I loved you

because I didn’t know you

I thought you would forget.

I thought you would just ignore me

in the halls the next day.

 

But now I am in sitting in a room

with people

I don’t know.

girls are crying.

you are crying.

 

And I wish I never told you

that I loved you. 

Broken Blood Line


Our veins crossed

Like backroads in a small town.

Blood flowed through us

Like a water slide

You would hold my shoulders tightly,

Squeezing your eyes shut as we flew.

Our heartbeat harmonized

Like the Queen songs

We sang to when we were 17.

Our fingerprints matched

Like our clothes did

Every Christmas

For the first 5 years of our lives.

Today we don’t match

You lay in a box

With your hands folded

Across your chest.

You have a grin on your face

As if you are telling me not to cry

To not be sad that you’re gone

But half of me is lying in a box

Pretending to be sleeping

And I can’t wake me up.

 

 

I could never be a twin.

sarah,

Big Impacts with Few Words.


Sitting here waiting

For darkness to blanket my world

To hear the chorus of the winds.

 

The blue has turned gray

As the water begins to seep

Into my home

 

Glass shattered

Lives ruined by her evil moods

Mother Nature,why?

 

Just a few haikus about the storm.. I’m trying different things when it comes to poetry, hope you guys are cool with that.

sarah.

Stiff Suits and Prayers


                                                                           

He came in a stiff black suit. Sipping my coffee, I watched him as he scanned the room for me.He looked really out of place as little kids with syrup dripping from their chins and old people with Velcro shoes and canes walked past him. He looked serious as he firmly held his briefcase in his left hand. We made eye contact as he walked over in my direction.

“You must be Coran Stevens?” I nodded.

“Steven Spencer. Nice to meet you.” I stood up and shook his hand. He didn’t smile. No warmth, no comfort. I wasn’t surprised though; lawyers weren’t the nicest people in the world. Sitting down, he ordered a coffee and a toasted bagel with cream cheese as if it were programmed. The waitress smiled as she quickly scribbled in her notebook.

“Anything for you Miss?” The waitress chirped in my direction

“No thanks.”

“Okay, thank you,” she grabbed the rest of the menus that were lying on the clean table and walked quickly away.

“So let’s get down to business, shall we?” I nodded as he lifted the shiny black leather briefcase onto the crisp white table. I crossed my legs tight as he pulled packet after packet of paper out of the briefcase.

“You need Doug to sign this line, this line, and this line before anything can be finalized,” He commanded as I followed his finger jump to each page. “You have children right?” I nodded. “If you want full custody of them you must read and sign the next three pages.”I was overwhelmed as he shuffled through the papers quickly. I sipped my coffee as he continued to go on about the legal things that I didn’t understand. His phone started to ring in the pocket of his jacket interrupting him in mid sentence.

“If you will excuse me” He said, as he slid out of the booth and walked over to the door. Looking down at the many papers it was as if all the letters were mushed together making it hard for me to read. I could over hear him laughing, it was the most emotion that I had seen all morning come out of him. But he didn’t have to be comforting,  He didn’t even have to be nice. He wasn’t my therapist. I ran my fingers through my long braided hair and sighed.

“More Coffee, Miss?” The waitress asked walking in my direction. I nodded as she poured more piping hot coffee into my cold cup.

“Sorry about that, business call” He said as he walked back to our booth. I grinned, looking back down my future, these papers. I rested my head on my hand as I felt the color melt out of my face.

“You sure you want to do this?” He asked, looking almost normal.

“There is no other choice Mr. Spencer. If there was I would be doing it.” He nodded looking down at the papers.

“Then all that’s left to do is for you and Doug to sign the papers than we will have a meeting to discuss what’s next from here.”

“Thank you Mr. Spencer. I will keep in touch I said grabbing my purse as I slid out of the booth.

“Do you have any questions?” He asked as he sipped his coffee not moving from his seat. I grabbed the three piles of papers off the table and smiled.

“No I think I’m okay. Thank you.” I said pulling a few dollars out of my pocket and placing them on the table.

“Nice meeting you Miss Stevens. We will figure everything out, don’t worry.”

“You too, Mr. Spencer. Thank you again.” I waved as I walked out the door. As I got in my car, I wondered how many heartbroken women Mr. Spencer sees a day and if they always meet at that diner. I wondered if Mr. Spencer had a wonderful wife and tried to make his marriage successful. I wonder if Mr. Spencer would make everything wonderful for me.

Inspired by two people at the diner at 10 o’clock at night. For my creative writing class… I don’t know how I feel about it.

Sarah.

Our Last Goodbye.


The loud clanking of my high heels echoed the empty airport when we arrived. With my worn out suitcase in hand, I was off on another journey, another trip. But this time, I wasn’t sure if I was coming back. He grabbed my clammy hand as we walked over to the check in station.

“You’re gunna be fine.” He said, squeezing my hand a little tighter

“I know, but what about you Kris? Fly out for like a week and come back, you can do that.”

“Sar, I can’t do that. I have to work; you know how difficult it is to take time off.” I shrugged; he had to switch with three different people just to be able to take me to the airport. There would be no way for him to just drop everything and leave.

“I want you to do me a favor.”I stopped and looked up at his slicked black greasy hair fall in his face.

“What?”

“I want you to never come back. Don’t come back for me. If we are meant to be together, than we will move on from here. You are better than this place. You have so many more opportunities anywhere else other than shit hole. I regret every day coming back home after college. So please, move on from here.” A tear fell from my face.

“Are you breaking up with me? In a fucking airport?” I asked, dropping my suitcase on the floor.

“No, I just know you. You would come back for me.” I grinned and nodded.

“Why do you have to know me so well?” I laughed, rolling my eyes.

“Would you rather I didn’t ” I shook my head as I swung the heavy suitcase on the counter for the teller. As we walked into the waiting area, more people were starting to file in with coffee and other baked goods in their hands.

“Sar, you’re drooling practically on those people. You want a coffee?” I nodded staring at the little steam floating in the air from their cups. I watched him as he walked to the counter where he ordered me a small coffee with three sugars, light with milk. For four years, it had always been the same and he never forgot. I wonder if I will one day forget what he looked like, what he sounded like, how he takes his coffee. He walked towards me as his black basketball sneakers scuffed the floor.

“Thank you,” I said grabbing it from him, the warmth of the coffee around my hand relaxed my whole body. I sipped the small coffee that had gotten on the lid and smiled.

“I don’t think I will ever find someone who can make my coffee as good as you do. I can’t even do it this good.” He smiled, putting his arm around my shoulders as we walked towards a pair of chairs closest to the gate entrance.

“You wanna hear something that I’m afraid of?”

“What?” He said, as he pulled out his iphone.

“That I’ll forget.”

“Forget what?”

“You.”

“I don’t think you will,” he smirked, giving me a look. I elbowed him and giggled.

“You can’t take anything seriously can you?”

“Nope.” He said as he started to play temple run. I leaned into him, looking over his shoulder.

“Never miss an opportunity?” I sighed.

“Nope.” He said looking intently at the screen; I nudged his arm as I watched the small character fall to his death. I smiled.

“You probably are never going to see me ever again and you play temple run?”

“Whenever I play temple run I’ll think of you.”

“And I how much I hate it?” He laughed

“And how much it ruined your life…” I rolled my eyes.

“Worst thing I ever did in my life was introduce you to temple run.” He put his arm around me and sighed.

“You know what Sarah; I think I am really going to miss you.” I looked out the window as planes zoomed off in the distance. In a few minutes that would be me. I leaned on his shoulder as we both looked out at the sunny sky.

“Hey Kris?”

“Yeah?”

“Promise me something.”

“What?”

“That you won’t ever forget.” Warm tears started to roll down my face. I told myself I would not cry in front of him.

“Sarah, I will never forget. I’ve never had a person ever treat me as well as you did. No, I’ll never forget you.” He leaned down and kissed the tears that were rolling down my face. I smiled. “Don’t be crying, I will see you again. Sooner rather than later.” I nodded as I quickly wiped the tears from my face. The boarding announcement blared in my ear. I looked down at the floor.

“I guess this is it?” He nodded. “I love you Kristopher, don’t forget that.” I said as I clinged to his pea-coat.

I’ll see you soon. I nodded as I bit my lip. I let go and walked through the gate. Before walking away. He winked at me. I smiled.

 

I had to do an assignment with just dialogue.. Thank you old texts and Facebook chats! 

I really am not good at dialogue, narrative is my thing.. what do you guys think?

Sarah.

Sniffle #2


 

I felt like I was coming down with something. Like a cold I couldn’t shake off; like a never ending allergic reaction. I looked out the window hoping something could give me relief. I sniffled, breathing out of my mouth along with a moan of frustration. It had been six weeks and I felt like I was getting worse. Crumbled up tissues surrounded me like a barricade. The waste basket was already filled to the rim and I refused to throw my snot on the floor. I grabbed the tissue box and rocked it in my arms like a child. I took one out as the sandpaper tissue hugged my already pink tinted, scaly nose. I blew.

Looking out the window I stared at the many people scurrying down below. They looked like small ants in stiletto heels and glittery shirts.  Their hair bounced as the light wind from the late autumn night caught it. They linked arms with tall men with broad shoulders and shiny shoes. The radiant glow of the moon made shadows behind them as they walked past the tall cement buildings. I sniffled again, grabbing another tissue out of the box. I leaned my clammy face against the moist, cool window and sighed with relief. The city lights were so far from reach. I closed my eyes as I breathed slowly out of mouth.

The low melody of my Beethoven cd was on its last track and I wasn’t going to start it again. Standing from the warmth of the sill, I proceeded to my bedroom that reeked of antiseptic and eucalyptus. My tired, swollen eyes scanned the room. It felt so stale, so repeated, so boring. I looked down at my black pumps still sitting in its box not yet worn. I sniffled again. Maybe next weekend I would feel better enough to go dancing, or to at least debut my new shoes. I took off my clothes to change into fresh pajamas, even though I didn’t leave the house all day, and climbed into bed.

I opened my eyes to the blaring of honking horns and screeching breaks outside the open window. Rubbing my crusty burning eyes, I looked out at the sunny day. It was a Sunday and I thought Sunday was a day of rest. I slid out of bed and walked over to the open window and shut it, closing myself from the rest of the world. I slipped on my pink fuzzy slippers that looked like wet dog hair and dragged my stiff tired legs to the bathroom.

Looking at my reflection I noticed that any amount of color that had ever been in my face had been drained out. I spit in the sink as I sniffled. I ran my fingers through my dried out frizzy hair and shook my head with disgust. This sickness was not going to overpower me. I turned on the shower and waited for the steam to fill the small bathroom. The mirror began to fog up, fading my reflection in the mist. I leaned against the sink and put my head in my hands. Frustration filled my brain as the steam began to seep through my congested nose. I sniffled again.

The rest of Sniffle… It’s due tomorrow. 

Sarah.

               

Three Small Words


So my friend and I were talking yesterday about Love. As you can probably tell love is a huge topic in my life. I am really intrigued by love because it’s the most misinterpreted feeling ever. People may think they feel love, but in reality love  is bigger than those 3 little words and honestly it really can’t be described.

When I watch those romance comedies I think “wow,that man really said i love you to that chick. He’s really got some balls” because men and the words “I love you” don’t usually go together. I was reading a post about this on thoughtcatalog the other day and it was about what is the best ways to say I love you and in reality there really isn’t the best way. I remember when I told someone I loved them for the first time I held my breath because I was afraid of the reaction and I also in shock that it came out. I remember I said it over and over  in my head just so I wouldn’t mess up. So I wouldn’t have to repeat it. I don’t think I’ve ever been so vulnerable in my life when I said it. I unfortunately didn’t get an “I love you too” response but I wasn’t expecting it either. It was just something I had to say.

I think men are afraid of the words I love you because those words hold a world full of baggage. A commitment is enough baggage, and then you have to love them too? If you aren’t organized, than all your baggage will fall out of your hands and your relationship will fall apart too.

To me, you don’t have to say I love you to love someone. If you show them respect and you enjoy being around them than that’s love. I wrote another post about what exactly love is and it’s all about emotion.You don’t need to hold the door or buy me gifts. That isn’t love.

I think people don’t use “I love you” seriously. Kids/teenagers are throwing those words around like it’s a normal thing to say. I wouldn’t say “i love you” to someone if I didn’t mean it. If I am seriously telling you that I love you, I mean that I have given you my heart and you are mine and I will keep your best interest and I will be there for you, no matter what. When people say “I love you”, to me it’s like a promise. It’s a vow that you will always care about this person because this person has touched your heart in ways no one has before and  you are acknowledging and appreciating  them everyday.

I know people don’t say I love you anymore because now its lost a lot of meaning. It’s not the same as it used to be. I think it’s a shame that we have overrated love to the point where no one can say I love you. But I believe that you don’t have to hear someone tell you they love you, you just have to feel it.

Sarah.