I want to fuck my editor.

I want him to plant his seedinto every word

fertilizing it with red ink and anger.

stroking the pen against paper delicately,

making me feel fizzy

But flat.

Ripping off my top and deleting it

so he can take a look at the similies and metaphors

sucking them till they pop. He’ll scan it

analyzing every muscle, every tense spot.

“work from the bottom and up each stanza”

I crouch down and look down at his tan bare feet

and think

Maybe we can make this ours

A little sexy Ars Poetica…

Wanted to thank  http://ericmvogt.wordpress.com for nominating me for my first award. It’s an amazing feeling to be recongized. I try to write poetry thats not all love poetry and when I do challenge myself and someone notices I really appreciate it. Thank you Eric!!

Ars Poetica

Advertisements

I Loved you.


 

I told you I loved you

But I will not tell you again.

 

You were 16

laying the backseat

of my 70′ Chevy Cavalier

that night.

Exposed from the waist down

your face reflected the light

from the moon that hung

over the rusty car.

 

Your hands were clammy

holding on,

your eyes rolled

to the back of

your head.

sweat beads were dripping

down your warm,soft cheeks.

Your head thrashing

Right and left.

 

You smiled.

Moving

back

and

forth

with your boney,muscular

hips.

 

I told you I loved you

because I was young

and had a boner

that hadn’t gone away

in about a week.

you were the first

halfway decent

chick

to walk into homeroom

that morning.

I hadn’t slept all night,

 your eyes were tired

and your hair fell

just right.

 

I told you I loved you

because I didn’t know you

I thought you would forget.

I thought you would just ignore me

in the halls the next day.

 

But now I am in sitting in a room

with people

I don’t know.

girls are crying.

you are crying.

 

And I wish I never told you

that I loved you. 

Please Don’t Kiss Me


Relationships. I’ve always hated that girl who would purposely kiss her boyfriend in front of people. In a way it angered me because why do you have to broadcast to the world you are in a relationship? Why does it have to be broadcasted over the internet? I’m not into PDA but I know ALOT of people who are. My friend Sean and his girlfriend have been going out for 6 months. She’s 16, and He’s 17 and they are really happy together but every time Sean sees someone staring at them, he’ll like hug her or something,like he’s afraid someone is going to take her away from him. No one is going to take her away from you Sean, cut it with the act. 

When I was in high school, I remember I was going out with  this guy…. lets call him “LawnChair”.LawnChair was a really skinny guy with long legs and blonde hair. I guess back than that was my type.. now… not to much. But Anyway, LawnChair and I met in the 8th grade and didn’t start going out until my sophomore year of High school. It wasn’t your typical relationship to say the very least. I like I was the guy and he was the girl in the relationship. He was a really soft spoken who in a way was too awkward for my liking but I kept the relationship  going because there had to be a glimmer of hope for him, and I also cared about him alot. I remember he would try to kiss me on the bus ride home and I would hate it because I didn’t want everyone to know blatantly, that we were together even though they already knew. We held hands in the hallway but I didn’t really liked doing that either. The other PDA that I didn’t really mind was when noone was in the hallway but a few people and I kissed him before he went to class, I didn’t mind that because it was only a few people. I wasn’t that chick who would flaunt her boyfriend around like a new purse.

The other night I was in Red Bank with Cheekz, we were walking in Riverside Park and these two people were making out right in the park. I was flabbergasted. Can’t you wait till you get in your cars or go to your house or something? I don’t need to put my relationship status of Facebook or twitter or speak to the world. If I love someone, everyone doesn’t need to know. I don’t need to grab your penis in public to prove to you that I love you. 

A few months ago a friend of mine was telling me how wrong it was that I don’t like kissing in her public. I told that some relationships are different than others. The relationship I’m in now is a strange and surprising one to say the very least.I don’t need to walk around and cuddle and shit in public. When I see two people out to dinner eating outside over candlelight, that’s exactly the amount of PDA I would want. It’s enough to say “yes they are dating” but not enough to say “after dinner she may or may not get laid”. Thats the line, don’t have sex in public, even if its a little bit scandalous, don’t. The general public doesnt want to see it. 

The other night while driving home from Scott’s I thought about girls and PDA and stuff and I was reminded that not every person is the same. People like to keep their shit to themselves and I respect that greatly. I like to keep some things to myself but if something is bothering me or weighing on my head, I am going to say something I can’t handle the pressure. Some girls want the affection all the time. They want to feel wanted. I know I’m wanted because he wouldn’t keep me around if he didn’t feel that way. The point I’m trying to make is that you don’t need to kiss on a school bus, or hold hands down the street just because you are in a relationship. It’s the simple things like a kiss good night when your half sleep or a simple “Night” text because I think when they think about you when you’re not around, that’s when you know they care.

It was a nice sleep last night.I just wish my dreams were reality. 

sarah. 

Choices.


Yesterday I was talking to my friend about sex. When I was younger I never talked about sex, It was NOT in my vocabulary.  When people would talk about it, I would just brush it off and chuckle because honestly I had no idea what they were talking about. Now that I know what they are talking about, I have realized I jump at a conversation that consists of sex. Everyone has their opinion about sex. I don’t think I’d call it a controversial issue because everyone has sex, no matter what their opinion is on it.But there is deffinatly a mix basket of opinions on the topic.

I was researching online after my talk with my friend because I wanted to see other peoples opinions on sex.  My friends opinion is ridiculous but that’s my opinion. He thinks sex is something you must do to survive. Like a vampire sucking blood out of a human ( True Blood reference). But he is a guy and many guys and some girls think like that, but I am not one of them. During my research I found out that #1 little girls are experiencing sex, like girls who are 13,14 years old. Then they go online and panicking because they aren’t sure if they are pregnant. If you don’t know your body than you shouldn’t be experimenting with it. #2Many people are against sex to begin with. They will say “You can get pregnant anywhere ( which is true) and than your life is over so don’t even bother having sex.” If a young girl read that on the internet, it would scare the shit out of them. I also realized that so many people are trying to have kids and can’t and I feel so bad for them. There are so many young people who are getting pregnant and having abortions and some people who want children can’t even have them. I think god works in mysterious ways and sometimes I question what he does. Why won’t he give the people who want children and opportunity to get pregnant and not the people in broken homes or people who really aren’t ready?

I believe that if you are to have sex, you should be prepared  to make big decisions. After making the decision to actually have sex then you are mature enough to make decisions if god forbid you get pregnant.Everyone should have a choice to what they want to do, but they should expect the consequences of their decisions. I don’t think there is a good decision when you are pregnant and you don’t want to be. Either way, your life is going to change.

Now that I am getting older, some of my friends are getting pregnant or already have children. I am almost 20 years old. I don’t know what I would do if I was put in that situation. I guess you don’t know until the time comes.

sarah.

May I have this Dance?


I want to lay here

Wrapped in your strong arms

Your soft skin

Your warm body.

You cling to me

As if we are 1 person

But with 2 minds.

I close my eyes gently

Your grasp weakens

You’ve slip inside a different world

Where imagination takes over.

I do the same.

 

I imagine we are dancing

With nothing on.

Frank Sinatra booming out of old speakers

That your cats have been ruining for years.

You hold me tight that as if

You’d let go

I would fall into the fires of hell.

I feel your slow breath against my chest

Your heart is beating quicker

I watch your eyes squint open

As you press play

On the cassette player and whisper

“May I have this dance?”

Magazine’s are Deceiving


Yesterday, I was looking at a Sports Illustrated magazine, and I was baffled by what I saw. In my whole 19 years of life, I have never ever, touched a sports illustrated, playboy, or playgirl magazine… it just isn’t my thing, but the other day, I was at Barnes and Noble and the sports illustrated caught my eye. It wasn’t like the traditional sports illustrated covers where the girl is half naked on the cover. It had like colors and Kate Upton was on it. I personally like Kate Upton, she seems like a normal human being and she’s not a total stick.

After going through the magazine, I was shocked by what I was seeing. I thought it was going to be all about sports, because you know it’s called “Sports Illustrated”, but no. I was mistaken…. yet again. Every page had a different girl on it. Some yes, were gorgeous, but some were just bodies with ugly faces. They were holding footballs, soccerballs, and tennis rackets against their small chests. I didn’t find any part of this attractive.

As I continued to skim through the book, I was looking at not the girl’s bodies, but their faces. They were not happy. You could see it in their eyes that they were only doing this because they wanted money. As much as Sports Illustrated is a top magazine and a great opportunity, I don’t think it’s worth taking your clothes off for.

I was talking to my friend Andrew about Sports Illustrated because he is a guy, and I wanted a guy’s opinion on this. I asked him if he minded his daughter being in the magazine. He said he wouldn’t have minded. That boggled my mind. If my daughter was in Sports Illustrated I would be embarrassed. I wouldn’t want dirty old men looking at my child in a bathing suit or lingerie. I wouldn’t want men to be getting a hard on from a picture of my daughter. But in some ways his opinion made sense because he also said Sports Illustrated is all about Sports, as much as people don’t read the print. It’s all about sponsoring players. But can’t they sponsor players in more clothing, like maybe a nightgown? or a tee shirt and jeans?

As I looked at the magazine, there was a man standing next to be looking at the same magazine. He was in his late thirties, I could tell. I was curious on what his opinion on it was because I wasn’t sure if he was looking at for pleasure or if he was actually reading the words. He said that it was better than Playboy, and that he wouldn’t mind if his daughter was in Sports Illustrated because it’s not a white trash magazine like Playboy is.

I think my opinion lies with fact that I would never be caught dead in that magazine, let alone be a model. I could go on for days on why I don’t think modeling is such a wonderful profession, but I’ll leave that for another time. Sports Illustrated is degrading women. If it’s not considered a dirty magazine, then the girls should put some clothes on.

As much as I love Kate Upton, I don’t think I’ll ever touch a Sports Illustrated magazine again.

xo Sarah.

My Views on Kissing…. and other things.


At this very moment I am having a discussion with my friend John about kissing.

I never understood why “kissing” is … well I don’t know, a mechanism for getting into a girls pants?You get the girl so excited that she gets into this “moment” that she will gladly take off her pants for you.As a girl myself, I have been i these exact situations. When your hooking up with a guy, for those couple minuets when you are in their arms, it  makes you realize your pretty enough that a guy would go out of his way to make you happy. Or, it makes you realize you need to be less easy  and you need to “reevaluate your decision making” (Andrew O’Hare).

Some guys I have talk to… like my friend Tyler, says things a little different.He believes that kissing is just kissing… he could kiss a million girls and it doesn’t faze him. I don’t know if I am calling him a “man whore” on the internet or if he actually has a point. My friend Andrew, (the one I quoted above) says the opposite.He states that “hooking up is a big deal, but the act has gravity.”

My opinion the importance of “hooking up” varies. If I really think the person is attractive,ofcourse I would like hook up with with them… and hooking up I mean as in “making out” (for the people who think that “hooking up” is having sex, its not. Welcome to to 21st century). But if I am drunk and at a bar and thought the guy was hott, I wouldn’t just walk up to him and stick my tongue down his throat,thats just distasteful.

But when you are hooking up with someone you REALLY like and or love,its a completely different kind of hooking up. It feels more real, more safe, When I hook up with someone I love, I tend to close my eyes. I don’t know if anyone else does that. I don’t need to look around and look at whose staring at me,or if someone is staring at me. When I am kissing someone I love,I am proud those lips are on mine. Kissing doesn’t go into having sex all the time. For many girls it does,but for me I would much rather kiss someone then take off my clothes for them.

Sex to me is a very touchy subject ( like the sex pun?). Some may call me a hypocrite for the things I am about to say, but as I grow up I realize I change my mind on subjects constantly,I’m not very firm on things (haha another one).

When it comes to sex, you NEED to be in love with them or else its not going to  be satisfying. Having sex because you can is bullshit. When you can be comfortably naked around someone, to me is a HUGE step. Once you have sex with someone its likes you showing them another side of you that not many people (are supposed to ) see.

Sex isn’t all about “getting the job done”. Majority of the men I know think this way. When they see a chick they think is hott, they automatically picture her naked… Being naked to me, is a security issue. If I can take off my clothes in front of someone, I believe they can look past my flaws and see the me I want to be. A curvy woman who loves her body. When you can take off your clothes in front of someone it means that you may not feel good about your image, but you know in your heart, that person who your exposing yourself too won’t judge you, no matter how ugly you think you are.

Today I looked at my friends in a new perspective. All of them. I realized that we all have flaws. We all have our quirks about us. Some of us ( like myself) aren’t as smart as others. Some of us don’t give a shit about religion, comic books,the Odyssey, or the movie “Bridesmaids”. Some of us need to think about our lives. Some of us need to stop thinking sex, and hooking up is something that NEEDS to happen because everyone is doing it.And lastly, some of us need to grow the fuck up.

Thank you to all the guys who helped me write this piece…. it showed me who is an asshole and who isn’t.

Night All.

Sarah