The Telephone.


It seems that
Whenever I am having a bad day
You are the first person that I call
It could be 2 am
or 1 pm
but you answer anyway.
Its like you know when its important
It’s like you know when I need you.
You could be having a bad day yourself
But yet you comfort me
Without even trying.
You make me laugh
And help me forget
Whats going on around me.
You tell me how much you can’t wait to see me
Even though I don’t think
You really care.
Your voice is a reminder
That life will be okay
Because you’re in it.

I was having a Bad day yesterday… I wanted to do some classic love poetry.. I used to write this word vomit all the time..

Sarah.

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Mysterious and Misunderstood


Mysterious and Mistunderstood

the two things you are to me

as much as I try so hard

I can’t seem

to let you go.

I cry for you. I cry with you.

With you

It’s a two way street.

You make life easy,

I guess that’s why I should leave.

Life shouldn’t be easy,

Life should have

Mountains,Pot Holes,

cracks in the worn down road.

I love you so much

I can’t stand you.

You make me so happy

I could punch you.

I know you love me

I can see it in your eyes.

It’s hidden behind

this hard exterior

that you portray to people.

But I see through

your hard  metal shield

You close your eyes,

I look out your window.

Children laugh

and run around.

One little boy

let’s out a loud laugh.

I giggle absent mindedly,

noticing our

similarities.

I can feel you staring.

I can feel you slipping

into my mind,

just like you’ve slipped into my heart

12 long months ago.

I look at you

you smile.

My heart melts.

Son of a Bitch,

you’ve done it again.

I Surprise Myself.


So Today I was going through old pictures with my mom. Oh have I changed.

But besides looking at my  chubby face and my variety of odd hair do’s and ugly clothes, I thought about the girl in the picture. That girl in the picture would never believe the things I have overcome in the  last 19 years of my life. Even looking in the Mirror today, I still can’t believe the girl staring back at me has overcome the obsticles put infront of her and is still standing tall.

I surprise myself sometimes. Today I was driving my car and it hit me that I was  actually operating the vehicle. I have the capability of controlling a 20 ton car with no problem. I look at my mother with amazement seeing that she can control an entire school bus with 54 screaming children inside it.

The other night I was talking to my friend Krystal. I hadn’t seen Krystal in 2 years and it didn’t feel weird. I was worried that it would have, but it didn’t. I was telling her about some stuff that has happened in my life recently and she said “Showed you how strong you  really are, huh?” and I never thought about it. I never thought about myself through the pain and problems I was going through. I was trying to get through one day at a time. I think if I thought about myself I wouldn’t have gotten through it.

But now that the nightmare is over, I feel like I can get through anything. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I feel like if I didn’t go through the problems in my life I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I have cried enough in the last 2 months to fill an ocean, I have freaked out enough to be in a loony bin. and I have wrote my problems out so many times I could make a novel. But that’s me.

Tomorrow is the 24th. I hate the 24th of the month. It’s the unluckiest day of the month. But I am happy I will be tail gating tomorrow at the Jason Aldean concert instead of sitting home alone. I don’t think I would want to be alone tomorrow. Being alone makes you more depressed sometimes. I know when people are depressed, all they want to do is be alone;but I think that people make you stronger. They make you realize you have a purpose in life.

I know without my friends, I don’t think I would have gotten through the last few months. Within the last couple months, I have found out who my real friends are. From the ones who let me sleep on their couch after a long horrendous day, to the ones I call crying so hard I can’t speak and they just listen. I am grateful for the people who are in my life now. They have  literally picked up when I fell and showed me how strong I was capable of being. They have made me feel wanted when I thought no one cared.  I have grown up tremendously in the last month that even I have noticed it. I have become an adult. I have never felt this confident with myself. These people in my life don’t judge. They don’t lie. I know they would never screw me over. They have been by my side and I will be there for them.

I’m going to hang out with my friend Liz. Who say’s hi to all you followers and friends.

xo Sarah

The Trouble with Friends.


Today I was talking to my friend Andrew about friends. Andrew is a very complex guy. When he talks, everything has more than one meaning. Sometimes its irritating but sometimes I just want to figure out what he’s saying, when I have time to think. Andrew and I have deep conversations, he’s a good resource for my blogs because he has an opinion on everything. Andrew was the first friend I made in Creative Writing Club. I sat next to this kid Evan who was new to the club one day because I thought he was cute. Meanwhile, Andrew was sitting in the seat in front of him. I started talking to him and this kid Damian who sat behind me. At the time I thought Damian was cute too, but that’s a long story that I will tell at a different time. But Andrew was really funny. He seemed like a real guy. He wasn’t stuck up or yuppie writer like.He was loud obnoxious and witty. The other obnoxious one was my friend Sam. He was one I needed getting used to, but he is harmless and really nice.

When I met Andrew and Sam they accepted me, unlike some of the other kids I met in school. It wasn’t like I didn’t know anyone in Brookdale,I just rather not see people I saw everyday in High School. College is a fresh slate. You don’t want to just be friends with people from your High School. That won’t help you grow.

There is also a Con to meeting new people. It’s  that they don’t know the real you. They don’t know how you think, and what you look like a 7 am and half asleep like the kids you went to High School with do. The majority of the kids you went to high school with most likely have known you for 10 + years. These new people either only see you in class, or in clubs. I had an idea of what the people in my high school thought of me. They thought I was the quiet girl in the back of the classroom who read books constantly.The girl who scribbled in her journal and always would just walk out in the middle of the class (I had the tendency to get bored.)No one really talked to me and I was perfectly fine with it. I had friends and they actually liked me.

The one t shitty thing about High School was that by the end of the year,everyone was close with each other. I didn’t like it really. If you didn’t talk to me the whole 4 years we went to school, don’t write in my yearbook saying that you will miss me. I don’t even know you.Everyone became really fake. Hugging each other good bye, and waving to eachother in the hallways. It made nausus.I guess the thing was that, if you were probably never going to see them again might as well leave a good impression.

When I went to college, I was reluctant to make friends. I had a boyfriend, a best friend, a friend who I’ve known since forever and other just acquaintances.  I thought I was all set. But the problem was that I  didn’t have anyone in my classes that I knew. It was difficult in the beginning but I made some friends. I wasn’t in dire need of friends, it just helped me.

I always had trouble making friends and keeping them in my life. I was just talking to my mom about this and she said” they don’t realize how giving you are. When you meet someone, you are overly nice to them, many people are not used to that.” I kinda agree. But also, I don’t want to be a bitch to them and give a bad impression. I will never win.

Night.

sarah