Well I haven’t been on this in a really long time and so much as happened. I am writing from the glorious Fairleigh Dickinson University laundry room where I am having a beer ( THAT I PURCHASED!!) listening to Andrew’s 90’s getting laid playlist on his Pandora. I haven’t been home in almost two weeks, and I really hate it. I am so sad but this is the decision I chose. I know it was the right decision but being here makes me think too much which makes me question what I am doing . Yeah, you can imagine how much that sucks. In my lonely times I watch Awkward ( which is an amazing MTV show that I feel like is controlling my life) and while I watch people who don’t really want to get to know me walk back to their rooms,I question if I belong here.My time at Brookdale was amazing. I ran that school more than I thought I did and I wonder if I should run FDU as well or if I should sit in the passenger seat here as well. My relationship with Paul is okay, things have changed a lot but its something that is going work or its not and I am not going to be the one who makes that decision, that’s fates job.
I wonder if fate can just control my life because people keep telling me that everything is happening for a reason but I wonder if I should jump at every opportunity or just focus on my studies instead of worrying about making friends and making a representation of myself. On the other hand with having no friends besides Andrew here, I am so lonely. I know how it feels to have a great support system, a pretty large group of people who backed me up and supported me in everything I do, and Andrew was one of them. I am so happy he is here but at times I need my space and I need other friends and that’s something and that no one wants to be around here, my friend.My aunt told me I need to meet 1 friend a week and I just am too tired to do that. I don’t want to make an effort because I put 115% percent in Brookdale and I HATE starting over. I’ve been here for almost a month and I’ve only made 2 friends. I don’t have a social problem, these people don’t like outsiders and I am definitely an outsider…. actually, I am a random.