Well yesterday was the fourth of July, and I like every year, I celebrated it with my family. This year however, my cousin Joan and I went to the beach instead of tubing down the Delaware like we did last year. When picking out what bathing suit I was going to wear I was hesitant because this is the first year I sported the bikini look. My whole life I was fat, but after hard work I lost 30 lbs! Granted, I gained some back but I’m trying to stay consistent but its hard when its the summer and you are going out and eating and there is chips everywhere. But anyway, I decided to wear my bikini to the beach because, who’s looking at me? I have a boyfriend, I’m not trying to impress anyone, I’m just going to spend time with my cousin. When going to the beach, I didn’t tell her I was wearing a bikini because I still wasn’t sure if I was going to take off my cover up at all. But, once we were all setting up I found out she was wearing one too! I felt so relaxed because she had been working out hard for months and its paying off and she looks great! My cousin’s boyfriend took a picture of all of us.
It’s always a nice tradition to spend the fourth of July with my family and I can’t wait for next year to do it all over again!
I never really thought of Easter as big of a holiday as this year turned out to be. But today was different. Paul ( the new guy) came to dinner with my family and I gotta say, I wouldn’t have what I have any other way. My family loves him, (most) of my friends love him, I love him, it’s all just a wonderful thing. But anyway going back to dinner with my family. It’s funny how a group of people can make you feel so whole even when you think your life is awesome they make it even worth while. At this moment, I am the happiest I will ever be in my life. I have given the opportunity to not only have an amazing family, but also a few amazing friends and an amazing boyfriend. When I was young I thought noone was going to understand me or try to get me. They would judge me but. But right now, no one…. noone is judging me. I am finally genuially happy. My life is exciting and I am eager to see where 5 years down the line takes me.
Here are some pictures of the day:
Paul and I
My mom made an arrangement for Paul’s family.
I have more but i can’t figure out why instagram online can’t put pictures on other sites.. bullshit…
I think I am the luckiest girl in the entire world.
I know I shouldn’t be doing this on my blog but I wanted to tell the world how happy I am and that there is still hope for the world.
Two weeks ago, I finally realized that I can matter to someone and how even though I thought I was garbage and other people told me I was garbage, someone thought I wasn’t and loved everything about me. from my annoying laugh to my very complex mind and my stupid stories. He liked my gaped teeth smile and how I wasn’t a skinny bitch and for the first time I didn’t have to change who I was to make him happy and I didn’t have to work so hard and pretend to be someone I am not.
I met a person that tells me that I am beautiful and will continue to tell me until I accept it for myself. It’s amazing finally finding someone who loves every single part of you and even things you don’t even notice about yourself. When you find someone who is so excited to see you, and not try to get in your pants or just to suck your lips off. This person is amazing to me because I thought every man was an asshole; i guess I was wron
I never realized how much shit I was dealing with until it was gone. How feerer I feel about myself and how life can be so relaxing and not so hard and complicated. I am the type of person who is used to being beat up and hurt and stuck doing all the work ,but now, I don’t have to do anything. I’ve never smiled so much in my life. He is opening doors for me that I didn’t even know they even existed.
and I finally found a person who loves me.
and that’s why I am the luckiest girl in the world.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and it is my favorite holiday. I must sound like a fatass that way but I don’t care about anyone’s judgments. Thanksgiving is the ultimate cheat day and I must say after all the hard work I’ve done losing 20 lbs in 3 months, I think I deserve it, even though I’ll be regretting it hours later.
Even though Thanksgiving is about food, there is a bigger picture to it. Thanksgiving is all about being Thankful for what you have. Since the hurricane, I’ve really been thankful for everyone and everything in my life. I can go home and put a light on, watch tv, go on my computer without a problem. Some people who live down the street from me don’t even have homes; let alone a computer, tv and lights. It must be so hard for everyone who has been affected around now. They dont have money to start buying presents.. they are living in other people’s houses. I think its such a shame.
But fortunately for me, I get to have a wonderful thanksgiving tomorrow with all my family. Tomorrow I am making breakfast. I never do so it will be fun. I am making Cranberry Walnut pancakes;like the ones I had in Cape Cod;but hopefully better. For the dinner I am going to make Walnut Crumb Cake, don’t worry I will take pictures of all the delciousness tomorrow.
My favorite part of Thanksgiving is the parade. For as long as I can remember I remember sitting on the couch and watching the parade, then we would go to my aunts house and I would finish watching it there. It’s always the same crap every year but its always special, especially at the end when Santa comes.. I think that’s my favorite because its the start of the holiday season.. and even though I work in retail, I really am excited this year.
I’ve never felt this way about the coming fall before.
I’ve never been so excited about school in my entire life. I remember when I was little I dreading labor day weekend because even though it was going to be fun, it meant I was going to back to school and school meant concentration camp and I wasn’t feeling it. I would always dread seeing my friends in the school environment where we couldn’t talk at any moment we wanted because a teacher was telling us useless information that I frankly still do not remember. But this year is so different, I have been itching to go back to school. I cannot wait to see all my friends and see how their summer went. I can’t wait to meet new people and learn new information that I actually will remember.
I remember my first day of college. I walked into my class and I thought I wasn’t going to meet anyone. I missed my friends so much because they were away at school and I couldn’t get over the fact that I wasn’t going see them until November.But now, I have weeded out the friends who really don’t matter and kept the ones that I truly care about. This time last year I wasn’t ready to become an adult and I think I am a completely different person now than I was back then. If I could talk to my last year self I would warn her of the troubles the year was going to bring, and always remember the good times, because there was going to be alot of them.
At this moment, I actually am content with ways things are going. I have a pretty decent group of friends. I have a guy who’s alright most of the time. I got a job, that I hopefully am going to love,I think I am on the right track. But I always think, something is going to happen because life is going so well. Life shouldn’t be this perfect. I hope life stays like this for a while, bumps in the road are unnecessary.
So I submitted to my first contest tonight, I am kind of excited but I am not sure if I should be. I could win a nook and be published in Biographile its a magazine that strictly for memoirs and stuff but its only on the internet. I must say, Twitter has been helping me TONS because I wouldn’t get any information if I didn’t have one. Also, Twitter has made my friend Andrew and the the stupid things he says… very popular. I also have magazines following me and also having a blog is very fun too because you all get to enjoy what I love to do. There isn’t really a point to this entry besides that I am very humbled and appreciative that you all enjoy my work so much. I try very hard, to submit something everyday. That was the goal when I made this was to write everyday, and since I’ve been doing this for over a month now, I think I’ve done a pretty successful job. My life isn’t very exciting, but its full of creative ideas. I don’t understand why things happen the way they do, as you can tell from my past entries. Today I reached 300 views in 30 days… thats pretty amazing. Thank you all so much. When at the end of day, and I get new followers and comments, it gives me confirmation that I am not wasting my time. After going to the AWP conference, writing has become my top priority. I can honestly say I am a writer. This has become not just a hobby, it has become my life. I know my writing will take me places where I thought I would never go. It will give me opportunities I will never in a million years get, and it will change me, it has already changed me. The writer me is pretty cool, I’d be friends with writer me.