Taking a Break.

Today is not a poetry day, but there is something I wanted to ask the world that I don’t know the answer to. Is taking a break in a relationship good or bad? In the last 24 hrs, two of my friends had discussions with their significant others on taking a break. Weather it would because one is turning 21 and doesn’t want to have the chain of a relationship around their neck while at the bar to  because they were together for some time and they were arguing. In my opinion taking a break doesn’t mean breaking up, it means giving someone some time to get things done. I had this same conversation with my boyfriend a week ago, I told him we needed to take some time apart so he could get his shit together. There were other things going on around that that aren’t important but the point I’m making is that, your significant may be  distracting you  in getting what you need to get done, done. I can’t even tell you how hard it was to balance a boyfriend,my clubs that I run, my friends  and finals week. Luckily my friends in my clubs took a bit of lead and my boyfriend was very supportive and let me have some time to just get my mind together and to study, even if it meant studying while sitting in his kitchen or making stuff for my clubs at his house. If I had a break during that time, I could see it being easier, but my relationship was somewhat new at that time and taking a break before month number 3 is never an option.

                I think that breaks are necessary sometimes. Sometimes you need that break to realize how important your significant other is to you, how much they make an impact on your lives and how much you can’t live without them. I also thinking that taking a break maybe a bad thing because its just someones way of being a coward and not just ending what they in reality to be ended. I think taking a break can be good and bad, but I know the break has to be mutual because if its not then that’s just you getting dumped.

 

To all my friends thinking about taking breaks, reevaluate your relationship before making a decision.

Sarah.

Family Balances Lives.

So Today I got to see my cousin Juliana. It was also the first time I saw my family in  a month. It was like a ground moving moment. We were just hanging out talking about Honey Boo Boo child and  about life in general. I couldn’t imagine my family  not being really close. I couldn’t imagine not speaking to my family at all. My dad doesn’t talk to his side that much and I don’t really understand it honestly. I hadn’t seen my family in a month and I felt off. Now we got to talk and spend time together, I feel like I am whole again. Like I can go on with my days level headed. Lately my life has been really busy. I am trying to squeeze everyone in as well as I can. If it means not going to the gym ( Which I am so upset about) than so be it. I am trying to  juggle work,school,friends and the gym with two hands and sometimes, its alot harder than I ever imagined. But today it was different, I actually got to hang out with my family and no one was wanting me or pulling me away from what I wanted to do. I was actually relaxed and going with flow. I managed to fit family, the gym and work all in 1 day and I’m not even that tired… yet. 

Seeing Juliana is a big deal for our family because we only get to see her once a month. We make it a party everytime she comes. This time it was a Halloween party. We could dress up if we wanted but  I didn’t because I had to go to work. It was so fun seeing her and spending time with her and watching her grow up. It’s funny to think she will be in high school next year. I remember when she was born. It’s crazy and I feel ancient. 

She dressed up like a giraffe. She loves giraffes, it was so cute. My cousin was the progressive woman and her boyfriend was Gieko lizard. Everytime my family and I spend anytime together its a party, and I love that. 

I wish I could have spent more time with them but Kohls and money and responsibility and reality were calling, and I had to answer.

 

Here are a few pictures from the day, it was such a wonderful day. Also, Candy Corn Oreos…. Try them NOW!!

Sarah.

 

 

 

 

 

Stiff Suits and Prayers (Revised)

He came in a stiff black suit. Sipping my coffee, I watched him as he scanned the room for me. He looked really out of place as little kids with syrup dripping from their chins and old people with Velcro shoes and canes walked past him.  Loud noises echoed the crowded diner as he walked past families together; husbands with wives holding hands and sharing toast. I wasn’t sure why he wanted to meet a diner; his office was just up the street. He looked serious as he firmly held his briefcase in his left hand. I wasn’t going to question his suggestions.

“You must be Coran Stevens?”He said walking in my direction.

“Steven Spencer. Nice to meet you.”  I nodded as I stood up and shook his hand.  His hand was firm as he squeezed my limp, small fingers. He didn’t smile. No warmth, no comfort. I wasn’t surprised though; lawyers weren’t the nicest people in the world. Sitting down, he ordered a coffee and a toasted bagel with cream cheese as if it were programmed. The waitress smiled as she quickly scribbled in her notebook.

“Anything for you Miss?” The waitress chirped in my direction

“No thanks.”

“Okay, thank you,” she grabbed the rest of the menus that were lying on the clean table and walked quickly away.

“So let’s get down to business, shall we?” I nodded as he lifted the shiny black leather briefcase onto the crisp white table. I crossed my legs tight as he pulled packet after packet of paper out of the briefcase.

“You need Doug to sign this line, this line, and this line before anything can be finalized,” He ordered as I followed his finger jump to each page. “You have children right?” I nodded. “If you want full custody of them you must read and sign the next three pages.” Stacy and Jeremy didn’t understand why I did this, but all they knew it had to be done. They were too young to understand and I was too old to explain. I was overwhelmed with emotion as he shuffled through the papers quickly. It wasn’t that I was rethinking my decision; it was just a lot more paper work than I thought. The thought of partly signing my kids away was something that I never in a million years thought I would do.  I sipped my coffee as he continued to go on about the legal things that I didn’t understand. I looked down at my phone where my kids happy faces stared back at me. His phone started to ring in the pocket of his jacket interrupting him in mid sentence, pulling me back to reality.

“If you will excuse me” He said, as he slid out of the booth and walked over to the door.   I looked down at the many papers lying before me. It was as if all the letters were mushed together making it hard for me to read. I could over hear him laughing, it was the most emotion that I had seen all morning come out of him.  I wondered who was on the other end; I wonder if he was mocking my patheticness.  He smiled as he leaned against the front door. Maybe it was his wife, it probably was; I could see it in his eyes. I ran my fingers through my long braided hair and sighed, looking out the window into the beaming sun.

“More Coffee, Miss?” The waitress asked walking in my direction. I nodded as she poured more piping hot coffee into my cold cup.

“Sorry about that, business call” He said as he walked back to our booth. I grinned, looking back down my future, these papers. I rested my head on my hand as I felt the color melt out of my face.

“You sure you want to do this?” He asked, sounding almost comforting.

“There is no other choice Mr. Spencer. If there was I would be doing it.” He nodded looking down at the papers.

“Do you think he will sign them?”

“Does he have a choice?” I looked down and wondered what if he didn’t sign them. What if he kept locked in this nightmare forever. I pulled my sleeves down on my shirt and looking up at him.

I wouldn’t worry Miss Stevens; men don’t usually fight against the woman. I nodded. We drank more coffee and by the fourth cup, I thought it was time for me to leave.

“Is there anything else to do?” I asked

“All that’s left to do is for you and Doug to sign the papers than we will have a meeting to discuss what’s next from here.”

“Thank you Mr. Spencer. I will keep in touch I said grabbing my purse as I slid out of the booth.

“Please, call me Steve. “He said grabbing my hand. “Look, everything is going to be fine. I try to make this process go quickly as possible.” He smiled as he let go of my hand.

“Thank you Mr. Spencer for your comfort but I think I am okay. I am doing whatever I can make it easy for my kids, so the quicker all this shit gets done the happier I will be.” I said swinging my bag over my shoulder, feeling a little taken aback.

“Nice meeting you Miss Stevens. We will keep in touch.” He said not moving from his seat.I got up and grabbed the papers off the table and shoved them in my oversized bag.

“You too, Mr. Spencer. Thank you again.” I waved as I walked out the door. As I got in my car, I wondered how many heartbroken women Mr. Spencer sees a day and if they always meet at that diner. I wondered if Mr. Spencer had a wonderful wife and tried to make his marriage successful. I wondered if Mr. Spencer was always that touchy with his clients; or if I was an exception. I drove away from the diner not looking back as the paperwork became my passenger.

So after some critiques I revised this a little. Let me know what guys think.

Sarah.

Stiff Suits and Prayers

                                                                           

He came in a stiff black suit. Sipping my coffee, I watched him as he scanned the room for me.He looked really out of place as little kids with syrup dripping from their chins and old people with Velcro shoes and canes walked past him. He looked serious as he firmly held his briefcase in his left hand. We made eye contact as he walked over in my direction.

“You must be Coran Stevens?” I nodded.

“Steven Spencer. Nice to meet you.” I stood up and shook his hand. He didn’t smile. No warmth, no comfort. I wasn’t surprised though; lawyers weren’t the nicest people in the world. Sitting down, he ordered a coffee and a toasted bagel with cream cheese as if it were programmed. The waitress smiled as she quickly scribbled in her notebook.

“Anything for you Miss?” The waitress chirped in my direction

“No thanks.”

“Okay, thank you,” she grabbed the rest of the menus that were lying on the clean table and walked quickly away.

“So let’s get down to business, shall we?” I nodded as he lifted the shiny black leather briefcase onto the crisp white table. I crossed my legs tight as he pulled packet after packet of paper out of the briefcase.

“You need Doug to sign this line, this line, and this line before anything can be finalized,” He commanded as I followed his finger jump to each page. “You have children right?” I nodded. “If you want full custody of them you must read and sign the next three pages.”I was overwhelmed as he shuffled through the papers quickly. I sipped my coffee as he continued to go on about the legal things that I didn’t understand. His phone started to ring in the pocket of his jacket interrupting him in mid sentence.

“If you will excuse me” He said, as he slid out of the booth and walked over to the door. Looking down at the many papers it was as if all the letters were mushed together making it hard for me to read. I could over hear him laughing, it was the most emotion that I had seen all morning come out of him. But he didn’t have to be comforting,  He didn’t even have to be nice. He wasn’t my therapist. I ran my fingers through my long braided hair and sighed.

“More Coffee, Miss?” The waitress asked walking in my direction. I nodded as she poured more piping hot coffee into my cold cup.

“Sorry about that, business call” He said as he walked back to our booth. I grinned, looking back down my future, these papers. I rested my head on my hand as I felt the color melt out of my face.

“You sure you want to do this?” He asked, looking almost normal.

“There is no other choice Mr. Spencer. If there was I would be doing it.” He nodded looking down at the papers.

“Then all that’s left to do is for you and Doug to sign the papers than we will have a meeting to discuss what’s next from here.”

“Thank you Mr. Spencer. I will keep in touch I said grabbing my purse as I slid out of the booth.

“Do you have any questions?” He asked as he sipped his coffee not moving from his seat. I grabbed the three piles of papers off the table and smiled.

“No I think I’m okay. Thank you.” I said pulling a few dollars out of my pocket and placing them on the table.

“Nice meeting you Miss Stevens. We will figure everything out, don’t worry.”

“You too, Mr. Spencer. Thank you again.” I waved as I walked out the door. As I got in my car, I wondered how many heartbroken women Mr. Spencer sees a day and if they always meet at that diner. I wondered if Mr. Spencer had a wonderful wife and tried to make his marriage successful. I wonder if Mr. Spencer would make everything wonderful for me.

Inspired by two people at the diner at 10 o’clock at night. For my creative writing class… I don’t know how I feel about it.

Sarah.

Patience is Stronger than Love.

So the other day I was talking to my friend Mike about his relationship with his girlfriend. His girlfriend is from Brazil and they have been together for a little over six months. They are really cute together and I think he really loves her. It’s funny when you look at someone who is already in love and see the similarities and differences you have with them even though the feeling you both have for a different person is the same. He was telling me how at times he is unsure if he wants to stay with her when things get rough. She is a little older than him and sometimes she worries about the future will hold for both of us. My friend doesn’t think in the future, he only thinks in the moment, so he doesn’t really worry about those kinds of things. I guess living in the moment is a kind of good thing because you don’t have to worry about whats going to happen. I always have to have a game plan so living in the moment is not for me.

But as we were talking, he was explaining to me his relationship with him and his girlfriend. He does cute things for her like surprise her and show up at her house without notice. How him and her have movies weekends and they go to the movies all the time. She teaches Portuguese and he loves it. It’s being with a foreign chick thing. I’ve never been with someone who wasn’t american and I don’t think I’d know what to do if I was with a foreign person. But anyway, they do their own thing and its so cute.

But during our conversation, he said something that really got me thinking. He said that he doesn’t leave her because she is so good to him. He said he wasn’t ever going find someone who understands him like she does. I immediately thought of Scottie, of course. At times, I think that I deserve so much better than I have but at other times I don’t think that anyone would understand me like he does.Even though he’s crazy I enjoy how stupid and ridiculous he is. If he wasn’t a nerd or didn’t have conversations to his friends saying things like “No, I don’t want to be a Jedi” I don’t think I would like him. He would be boring, and I really really hate boring people.

People come into your life for a reason. It may teach you things like Portuguese or maybe its an even bigger lesson of patience. While being with Scottie, I have learned to be extremely patient because I would have already turned into a crazy bitch if I wasn’t patient.Patience is a virtue. It takes practice to be calm all the time. If I didn’t practice I would be disappointed and I would be selfish and crazy.

After a long night of changed plans dinner alone, I have learned that in life you just have to roll with what gives you. If tonight was meant for the gym and Keeping up with the Kardashians, than I guess  so be it.

Sarah.

It’s all in the Eyes.

Love. People define love in several different ways. Some people don’t believe in it because they have been hurt. Some don’t even know what it is at all.  But when you do fall in love, you can’t believe that your heart can give off such love to just one person. Everyday I look at the man I fell in love with and think why did I pick him  out of all the people in world? Why was he there at the right place at the right time?

I was at this luncheonette  with my friend Cheekz today and there was a couple in front of us that were having lunch  together and  also on their computers. When I looked at them for the first time, I didn’t even know they were together.They looked like they were business partners or co workers . I didn’t find out they were together until the woman stood up and kissed the man on the head before walking into the bathroom. I was surprised because usually you can  tell if people are together when you see them. They usually either stand close to each other or the man puts his arm around the woman. After seeing this couple however, I was increasing intrigued about their relationship. In some ways, I felt like I was looking at a reflection of my relationship. You don’t have to spread it  to the world that you love someone. You can just look into their eyes and it can take your breath away and that is better than any  form of PDA.  I never knew that a man could take your breath away until it happened a year and a half ago.

When I was talking to Cheekz over lunch, she was giving me advise about my life. She said that someone may love you and you don’t even notice it. I can never imagine that any guy would fall in love with me. I can’t imagine a man feeling the way I  feel everyday of my life. I can’t imagine me being on someones mind everyday.I can’t imagine being theirs. I’ve  never had a man tell me that he loved me but  when it does happen, I don’t think I will believe it. I know men can feel,  but the feeling of falling in love is probably the most powerful and passionate feeling I’ve ever felt. It’s like your heart beats because of them. I can’t even put into words how unbelievable it feels to fall in love with someone. It can suck sometimes because no matter what they do, you can’t mentally wrap your head around them not being part of your life. But when you get in your car alone after a long day together and you can just sit there  feeling amazed that that was you, all the hard work is worth it .

I’ve been asked a million times ” why do you want a guy in your life?” “why don’t you just stay free and single in college?” I honestly don’t ever want to feel like a floater again. Being single for all those years sucked. Your confidence decreases because even though your mother thinks you’re beautiful,   it doesn’t mean the guy you’ve crushed on for years is going to think the same way. You are just waiting around for someone to like you. You are the puppy and no longer the puppy catcher.

I wonder if I intrigue people when I go out. I wonder what they think when I am sitting at a table with a man as I am trying so hard not to smile, I must look a little crazy. I wonder if they see my eyes. Because if they do, they would know  the whole story.

Love,

Sarah.

Walking Books.

So yesterday I met this guy while walking in Riverside park with my friends. He was an interesting character to say the very least. When I walked passed him he was scribbling in a notebook, I had a feeling he was writer. I love meeting other writers. It doesn’t matter what they write, but in some sense they have the same mind set as me. Not many people have a creative mind, so when you meet people that do, its like a gold mine.

I guess I whisper really loud and he asked me if I wanted to read his stuff. I walked back and started reading his stuff. It was pretty good, but it wasn’t my style of poetry. I don’t really like things that rhyme, but that’s just me. I don’t like writing poetry with form because I personally am NOT a person of form. My other friends who are also writers came over and started talking to the guy. It was really awesome just meeting someone off the street and talking to them like you know them. I found out he was 20 and a big druggie and a writer. Most writers and college students are druggies so I wasn’t surprised or judgmental. He was telling us that he just applied to Brookdale. ( Point in my book) I started telling him about the creative writing club and he seemed to be really interested. I hope we recruited him.

Lately I was trying to form another writing group but I don’t know how I’d really start. It would be mostly adults. I want to join a readers group because I NEED to start reading, I feel I’m becoming illiterate. I am really trying to read this book called “Jay’s Journal”. It’s the sequal to Go Ask Alice. I really enjoyed Go Ask Alice, I read it in a day. This book on the other hand, I am having a difficult time getting through it. I am also reading Charles Bukowski’s Prettiest Woman in Town and other short stories. Those stories are strange I am telling you. There was this one story I read how the girl ( ironically named Sarah) was a witch and shrunk all the men to be 6 inches tall and than had sex with them. It was very strange.. I really don’t know where Charles Bukowski came up with this. Than there was another one that the girl was a robot and all she did was have sex with people. I mean wonder why Charles Bukowski only wrote about sex. Maybe his sex life wasn’t as great as he says it was. I say this because as a writer, we are all story tellers and liars.

If you guys know any good books, write them in the comment box. I must read more this school year. 2 books this summer is  a disgrace.

Sarah.

A Creeper with a Cause.

Yesterday I went out to dinner with my mom for her birthday. As we were sitting at the bar waiting for the rest of my family to come, I was eavesdropping on the people next to me. I tend to do that a lot. It’s weird but I think it’s a writer thing. I do that in many places, especially in restaurants. If I go out with people, some of them get really annoyed but it’s just something I do. It’s not that I don’t think my conversation is uninteresting, I am just gravitated to people I don’t know.,My creative energy may pick up something really inspiring. Most of my poetry is either inspired by people in my life, or my eavesdropping adventures.

But anyway, last nights eavesdropping experience wasn’t the greatest. The minute I sat down, I automatically got a bad vibe.  They started talking about sex and other really inappropriate things that 50 years shouldn’t be talking about at a bar. This one woman laughed really loud and it was REALLY ANNOYING. I don’t know why I was getting so mad and it’s really stupid and some would call me creepy ( I have to live up to my nickname, you know…) but the more aggravated I was getting, the more I wanted to listen. My mom was concerned and wondering why I was spontaneously getting really mad. She didn’t understand because she can tune them out, I can’t. I never could.

When I was a child, I always evesdropped. It’s not one of my greatest traits but its something I just do. It may not be my business and I am well aware of that but its just something I do. It’s totally rude but beautiful pieces of writing comes out of my creepiness. I am a creeper with a cause.

 

I am going to the beach and do some more eavesdropping… I shouldn’t leave the house. Haha

Sarah.