An Ode to the Day


To the day before another day

 a special day

Where two people met for the first time

Where bonds were formed like muscles

and piercing cries echoed empty hallways.

Pale blue pant sets worn over street clothes

Protection of what’s to come.

 

She swears she won’t know what to do with it now

But she’ll figure it out with time.

By 21 she’s cried for 21 years on the same day

Because after today she can’t go back

and teach whats already been taught.

 

Candles flicker in a black room

and people smile,but her.

She knows that her baby has grown

and wont need her,but forever she will be there

Anyway.

 

Tomorrow is my Birthday, and every year I cry the night before. It’s a personal tradition I guess. I hate getting old.

Sarah

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Life Changer.


you are a piece of me

like an pendent you sparkle

blinding strangers with your raze of grace you tower high

into this world look down and see nothing

specks of green,brown moving down highways but yet

you feel small,engulfed by crowds of screams and glassy eyes

they await for you

to feel your warmth as you shut the door

they long to move on but in that split second

they are with you

and their lives are changed forever

 

Today is my mom’s birthday and I can’t even tell you how many lives she touches and changes everyday. She is a wonderful women and I’m proud to call her my mom

 

Happy Birthday Mom!

 

Love Sarah.

Something To Think About.


So I’ve finally realized that everything that my mother said in my life has sunk into my brain.

 

 

My mom has been always a constant supporter. She has always told to never give up and that even though “it wouldn’t be forever” to put your heart into it anyway. She always told me not step backwards even if it was more comfortable then where I was at that moment, that one day where I was standing would get too comfortable and I would have to move on. But one of the most important things she told me was to finish what you started. If it meant dancing till the recital or finishing a class even though it was hard. You will feel accomplished once it was over and that you never backed down even if it got hard.

 

and now I am telling others to do the same.

 

There are many people who have no confidence and granted, even though my mother’s words of wisdom helped me throughout life, I wasn’t the most confident person in the world. Going through tasks in my life, I doubted myself and my decisions but with my decisions became lessons. Even though they were learned the excuenatingly hard way, they were lessons I had to learn to be the person I am today. Some people fall and sometimes don’t get back up and I wish I could help the world. I wish they all had a mother that said “why are you falling? Is it comfortable on the ground? Why aren’t you getting back up and proving them wrong?”

 

I had a friend who was like that. All he wanted to do was prove people wrong, even though he may have been wrong, he was never going to prove the other man right. In a way that showed me that you can have confidence even if youre wrong but if you know youre wrong, own up to do. Admit that you are wrong and move on. But this friend fought with the world and tried to show the world he was better, but in the end, the world won.

 

I also have another friend who is the complete opposite. He thinks that the world and the people who bring him down are right. I used to be like that. But just like you are wrong sometimes, the world is also wrong too. People make judgments and critize people who shouldn’t be critized, but that’s how the world works.  People who are strong can find the balance. To have confidence but also take the critisms and run with it. Make yourself better for yourself.

 

I wish everyone had a mom like mine. I hope one day if unfortunately I have children, I hope to be a mom like her. She may have her moments of self doubt but she is level headed and is able to have that balance of confidence to self doubt. I know there are moms out there who are the opposite of mine. They tell their kids they aren’t going to be successful and won’t do anything with their lives. How do you expect the kid to be confident in themselves if the only support they think they have doesn’t support them?

 

I hope people find the support they need to get through life. Because even though life may be hard, life is a forest, pick a trail and run.

 

 

Sarah.

Happy Mother’s Day.


Photo: Happy Mother's Day mom :) love you lots

 

Oh Mom, I love you so much.

 

I gotta say this mother’s day is a little more special to me. This year I have gained a lot of women in my life that love me like daughters and I care about and appreciate what they do for me. From caring for me as I smack my head, to guiding me through my academic life these women in my life are always there. My own flesh and blood mother will always be my constant support academically,emotionally and physically. When picking out flowers for my Boyfriend’s mom yesterday I was thinking about all the sons and daughter who won’t get to see their moms on mothers day. Either they are up in heaven or on the other side of the world. I have a facebook friend who skyped with her family and posted pictures because she goes to school all year around. I hope I am here every Mother’s day because it would break my heart not to see my mom on her special day. My mother and I have a bond that no one will break. We may not always get along, she may not always like my decisions, but she  supports me and will never walk away. She is the one I talk to when I come home late and the first person who texts me in the morning when I am not home. I love her with all my heart, and I wish she wasn’t working today, but I am glad I got to spend the day with her yesterday.

 

To all my Moms… but most importantly my real mom.

Happy Mother’s Day

 

Love Sarah.

Beautiful Girl.


 

I watch the men and women

People I knew

People I loved

Black dresses, suits

Emerging into all doors

The clicking of high heels

Echo the empty church

We are waiting

for her

The organ begins to play

An hour glass of time

Till we will see her

Men weeping for a woman

Who touched the young, old

And me, we watch

As she is glides

in a shiny oak casket

Towards the man who she had always loved

Even though he took her only son

The perfume of flowers

Engulf our sense

As our priest

Blankets her in frankincense

Blessing her

And wishing her a safe trip

I watch her daughter

My friend

Stand at a podium

Telling the world how wonderful her mother is

Was

And me thinking

“thank god it wasn’t mine”

salt from my eyes

Slip into my mouth

I look at her

Tearless,

she smiles down

At the mother she once hugged

Once kissed

And says

“I will make you proud mom”

RIP Yvonne Mckay 12/2007

Magical Wands


When I was little, my mom would read me bedtime stories every night. It was our thing; our bonding time. In a way it taught me how to read by just listening to her voice.   While she read, she would give each of the characters a different voice and it made it more realistic for me. The books that I remember the most were the Harry Potter series.  My mom and I together read books 1-4 and enjoyed every single one of them. As she was reading the books, I became so into the characters and the book itself. I started to dress up and think I could cast spells and other things. I remember I asked my mom if I could go to Hogwarts instead of school that fall. Instead of sending me to Hogwarts, she signed me up for a Harry Potter camp at Poricy Park.

I remember for my first day of camp I wore my Harry Potter cloak and hat that my aunt made me.  It had the characters all over it and it was a royal blue with gold trim. I wasn’t the only one doing this. At 6 years old, we weren’t out to impress. I walked into the science center where the faculty decorated the room just like the Great Hall and stared in pure amazement .Everything was glittery and the house banners were hanging from the walls. It was a small group of us. We were all about 6 or 7 years old and so excited to be there. After the official greeting, we had to be sorted into a house. I was hoping I would get in Gryffindor but it didn’t matter, I liked all of them but Slytherin. We all went up to the talking hat, just like it was in the book,and was assigned a house. I was put in Gryffindor. Hermione was my favorite character and she was also in Gryffindor, so that was pretty cool.

After everyone got sorted into their houses we walked to the woods on the grounds. They were trying to replicate the Forbidden Forest. We had to meet Hagrid. Hagrid was my mom’s favorite character. He lived right outside the forbidden forest in a small hut. Right before entering the woods, there was a wooden hut. A man with a beard walked out of it and greeted us as Hagrid. He told us before we entered the forest; we had to make our wands. With medium sized sticks, we were asked to decorate our wands. We all piled into the hut where there were small desks with stickers, glitter and paint waiting for us. We each grabbed a stick and went to our work station. My stick was a little shorter than the others but I didn’t care, this was my wand. I covered it in silver and pink glitter. Glitter was not only covering the wand, it was also covering me.

As we waited for our wands to dry, Hagrid told us about the dangers of Forbidden Forest and how evil lurks there. I remember from the books that Harry faced many troubles in the Forbidden Forest but he always got out alive, so I was confident I would too. With our glittery wands in hand we walked single file into the forest. I had been in Poricy part woods before, but being in my costume with my wand made seem it like I was transformed into the book. We had to find acorns and stuff or the potions we were going to make and other sticks back at the hut later in the day. We had to collect our things but also watch out for the weeping willow or other dark magic lurking in the forest. I clenched onto my pink wand thinking it could actually work, like it could protect me.

I still have my wand in my night stand. I must sound ridiculous even keeping the old glittery stick, but it’s always there, for my protection and a wonderful memory.

*I had to do an assignment for my creative writing class about an artifact I still have. I still am a Harry Potter nerd. I still love Hermione and I still have my cloak,hat and wand.*

Sarah.

Generations of Women.


So Today is Grandparents Day and I’ve been thinking about my Grandma all day. My grandma died when I was 3 years old, but it feels like yesterday. As I am getting older, my memories of her are fading but I will never forget her. Even in her passing, she has helped me in ways noone can. She has paid for my college education. She has watched over me my whole life, and protecting me every step of the way.I was the last grandchild she had but I wasn’t loved any less. I just wish I had more time with her. She was an amazing woman. She was an amazing mother and she has formed my mom into  a pretty awesome mom.

I was thinking about how some people treat their moms lately. My one friend doesn’t like his mom, but for good reasons. It was a messy divorce and she wasn’t too understanding that the kids were going to get involved too. My other friends mom talks down to her son because he is trying make a life for himself without help, and she doesn’t get that. I think some people shouldn’t be parents.

Some of my friends think its weird of how close I am with my mom. They always ask “why do you tell her everything?” I tell them because she has been my best friend my whole life. She was always the one constant friend I had. She will never stop being my friend either. Some parents don’t know how to balance being a friend  and being a parent at the same time. I think my mom does a pretty good job at that. I had one friend that was friends with her mom before she was the daughter, and in the end, she was surprised because her “friend” was now reprimanding her. My mom and I are really close but I know she always keeps her best interest in me. Now that I am older, there isn’t much reprimanding because she trusts me to know what I am doing. But when I was little, I understood that she had to do it because she loved me. I’d rather have a mom like mine who I can tell things to than a mom that I can’t tell anything to because sometimes being on your own in alot scarier than it looks.

After my observations of other people’s mothers and mine, I know when I have children I am not going to shelter them, it makes them run when they can. My friends mom shelters my friend, still. My friend is 19. You can’t shelter an adult. You can’t tell them they can’t leave the house. When I go out, I tell her I am going, I don’t ask. I only ask if I sleep over someones house still. I think its just a habit. I just don’t want her to worry. My mom and I have an understanding that I need to either check in or atleast let her know whats going on while I am out. I know some kids who won’t call their parents all night, or they’ll ignore their call. Really? How do you know if that’s the last phone call you’ll get from them? I know I sometimes miss my moms calls, but I make sure I call her right back.

People should appreciate their moms today along with their grandparents. If it wasn’t for your grandparents, your parents wouldn’t be the way they are.

Thanks Grandma.

Sarah.

A Mothers Love.


 

A mother’s love is unconditional

But at times I tend to disagree.

Reprimanding them because

That’s not what you wanted them to do

Like they’re fucking robots or dogs.

You carried them for nine months

All because of a twenty  minuet fling.

You take it out on your child

Because you aren’t getting laid every week

Like you used to.

Now she’s four and you haven’t had a good night sleep in 3

And you sip black coffee like an adult.

You bring her to dance classes and soccer games

In a minivan you bought

A year after she was born.

You have stickers on your windows

And sing along CD’s instead of Aerosmith

In your radio.

Radio Disney is the first station programmed instead of z100

And you haven’t had a drink in four years.

But you love her.

You love her because when they put her in your arms you cried

Because you were tired and thought she was beautiful.

She will always be beautiful

Because she is yours.

And her love for you

Will be unconditional.


			

Kind Eyes.


I may not miss you today

I may not miss you tomorrow

but in a lifetime

I know I will.

It may not be tomorrow

It may not be today

but in a lifetime

I will long for you

your sweet smile

and mysterious eyes.

Eyes that hold so many secrets

so many lies.

It may not be today

It may not be tomorrow

but someday

I will find out what you hide

Behind those kind eyes.

Today my mom and I talked about her past relationships and how my relationships with guys are almost the same as hers were. It’s nice that she can finally understand me.  I am so happy I can finally talk to her about everything without feeling like I have something to hide.She can feel what my heart is feeling because she has already felt it. She has gone through what I am going through and didn’t care about how anything was going to turn out, just like I don’t. I’m glad somebody finally understands. 

Night.

Sarah. 

Home is Where the Rainbows End.


Today as I was driving home, I saw  a rainbow. In New Jersey, you hardly see rainbows so this rainbow sighting was pretty cool. For some reason, when I see rainbows, I always go back to my childhood. When I was really little, my mom used to yell from outside the house whenever a rainbow would show up. I would run out and together her and I would look up and watch the rainbow until it faded. We both thought they were beautiful. I remember I used to wonder why I could only see a few colors and not the whole rainbow. The rainbows I saw growing up used to fade quickly, but today I drove through the rainbow, I thought that was really cool. It looked like an arch over my town. I felt like I was finally home, because once I got to my town, the rainbow had faded. I still managed to take few pictures while driving because I couldn’t waste that incredible,pure,childlike moment. 

Have a Good Night. 

Sarah.