Next Trip: Massachusetts Poetry Festival in Salem!
AWP was such a wonderful time! If anyone gets the opportunity to go, GO it’s such an experience.
My fellow writers, has anyone gone to any festivals or conferences? and if you have what one was your favorite?
Eager to hear your responses
sarah.
It’s funny what a year can do. It’s funny how time can change a person so much you don’t even realize it. I was reading back at my old posts from the beginning of this blogging adventure and I must say that I was one immature chick. I was whining and talking about the same things over and over and over again. I realize you people are not idiots and have gotten my point, but I am not as cooky as you think.
I haven’t written on here in a while and in a way, I miss it. I miss writing my thoughts down and being able to see my thought pattern, even though its crazy and unorganized.But in the hiatus of time I have changed a little as a person. I am now 20 years old and I think I am finally seeing how the world is supposed to be. How I am supposed to be. But in another way, its just another thing I am putting on the backburner. It’s just another thing I have to do. It used to be a relaxing thing but after a while it became a chore, and I am not into chores one bit.
Now that I am back (for now), I realize that this blog is about me but not the me sitting here now. My life isn’t all that interesting. I am just a 20 year college student from New Jersey trying to follow a dream. Everyone has a dream. All college kids have goals, why am I pointed out, why is my dream more important than others?
Today I was talking to my friend John about goals. After a long time he is very close to his goal,his dream. He got out of an enviroment that wasn’t fit for him, he focused on more than just partying and drinking and now he is in the right place at the right time. I asked him how it must feel knowing that it’s so close, so right in your face. I don’t know what I would do if that was me. He said it was an awesome feeling and that he has no regrets.
Maybe getting a successful blog is my goal and writing on here is just another step in the right direction. The other day I got asked to read at my professors Visiting Writer Series out of his chapbook. It was an honor and just an another step in the right direction. I feel like I am going through this world with my eyes closed. I don’t know what is the right turn and what is not. But I know whatever road I choose I know you all will be there, supporting me and anxiously eager to know more.
Thank you all for your support.
sarah.
Hi everyone:
So its been a really long time since I’ve written on here and I wanted to apologize for my absents. Working around the clock and going to school and also trying desperately to have a social life is alot to do for 1 person, especially around the holidays. I hope everyone had a great christmas and a new year filled with much fun.
Now that 2013 has started, I honestly think that this year will be the year of change. Change that I personally am not ready for. For my whole life I hated change, I hated friends leaving my life and me having to start over again with different people and me telling them the same stories I told the last friend. Your life gets sorta boring when you are telling people the same stories and you get the same reaction. But this year I have a feeling that I will change even more then last year, and I know it will be painful and hard just like it was last year. But if I can get through 20 years of living and learning than I can get through another year just fine.
When a new year starts I always look back on myself a year ago to the day January 4th 2012, what was I doing, what was I feeling. I remember feeling like something was about the change, that I was going evolve into a different person and come spring, I wasn’t the same person I started the year out to be. I was a stronger individual with passion an inspiration going through my veins. I was confident and thought I could conquer the world. But that fizzled out by the fall and pretty soon I was back to being me,the old me.
I hope the old me will fizzle out soon, I hope I learn more this year and I hope this year doesn’t bring hardships, but even though I hope, it will happen because there wouldn’t be triumphs without hardships first.
I will be writing more, I promise.
sarah.
Even though its starting to get cold, I’m welcoming fall with open arms.
The fall is one of my favorite seasons.Besides the fact that its the almost the ending of the year, I love how everything is starting to change around you and you really don’t realize it until your nose begins to run or you’re starting to look down and see leaves on the ground. To me fall is a reflection time. In the fall I reflect on the past season. I analyse each event that had happened in the past 3 months wondering if I could have done more with my time or if I managed to learn alot in a short period of time. To me everything I do is a lesson learned later. Whether it be working as a cashier or meeting new people, everything to me a lesson or a skill that I will need in days to come. Fall to me is like inventory is a for a store. I figure what I have in my brain that I will need to keep for the upcoming year. It’s like spring cleaning but without spring.
Another reason I enjoy fall is the clothing. I really hate showing my body to the world and wearing a bathing suit especially in public is not on my top list of favorite things to do. I love wearing socks and uggs and long pants. I love wearing warm clothes and sweatpants.Fall is a cuddling season. When I was younger I loved to cuddle. My cousins hated when I slept over because I always cuddled. Now, I don’t cuddle, maybe with a few, but if I’m falling asleep, I need to sleep alone.The other night Cheekz and I had a sleepover and I got absolutely no sleep because I kept waking up and seeing her there. Maybe I’m just used to sleeping by myself, but I can’t have people touch me or hold me when i sleep. I guess cuddling isn’t for me.but regardless of my lack of cuddling, I love fall nonetheless.
Welcome Fall. Can’t wait to see what you and winter bring this year!
sarah.
So the other day I went shopping with my friend Shannon. Shannon and I don’t really hang out much, but when we do, its pretty fun and exciting. She just got a boyfriend and she is pretty excited about it. Every time we talk about our relationships. Hers is a little more complicated because her boyfriend has a kid with another woman and so she has “baby mama drama” and so its a little difficult for her. I know I couldn’t deal with being with someone who has a kid. I mean if they found out they has a kid while I was with them I don’t think I would be too mad but I wouldn’t voluntarily get into a relationship with someone who has a kid. I am not out to be someones mom. I am not going to be someones babysitter. But Anyway, besides that, my relationship and her relationship with her boyfriend are pretty much the same. Her boyfriend is 21 and has a kid and is living in his car because he’s having a tough time with it. Scottie is having a tough time right now financially but I’m not going to get into it, its really none of my business. I know he’s strong enough to get out of it and I have the confidence he will.
Shannon was telling me that shes afraid that her boyfriend would leave her and go to a different state. ( her boyfriend has been thinking about going to North Carolina) And it got me thinking, Scottie wants to go to California and I am perfectly okay with it. It’s his life, not mine and I wouldn’t want anyone telling me I couldn’t go somewhere that I dreamed of going . If someone told me that I couldn’t go to Georgia because they didn’t want me to I would laugh in their face. I guess I am so used to be independent that its okay that Scottie will eventually move along and move to California. He should live a dream and noone should hold him back.It’s funny how the world works, I’ll see him again for sure.
When I was little, my mom signed a contract from my aunts saying I couldn’t leave the state while I was growing up. They wanted to watch me grow up. My mom loved living in different places but after I was born, she had to get strapped down. It sucked for her because I know she would have love to just go. Now, I want to get out, I hope she comes with me.
People want to get out of their homes. I’ve talked to so many people and they say “I gotta get the hell out of here, move on” and I agree. Middletown New Jersey is not going to help me in my career, even though there are people here I love and memories I will never forget. It’s over for me. I can’t improve anymore here.
Sarah.
Today I was thinking back to my High School days and I must say, being in college is a hell of alot harder mentally than high school. In high school you don’t think about money, a job, gas, ways to get financial aid and all that shit. Your biggest concern is whether or not you’re going to have a date to the prom. I was talking to my old friend Stephanie a couple of days ago and she was catching me up on her life because I hadn’t seen in her god knows when. She was telling me all about these guys who liked her and all this shit. She was going on and on about how much her life is wonderful and her boyfriend is wonderful but she isn’t sure if he’s cheating on her and blah blah blah. As I was continuing to listen, I was realizing that her life has absolutely NO substance. She has no troubles in her life but yet she is still trying to find out something bad in her wonderful situation. Granted, sometimes when my life begins to turn awesome, I am waiting and in some ways hoping something shitty happens because life isn’t suppose to be awesome all the time.
I was watching Keeping up with the Kardashians for many hours yesterday and I noticed that they blow the littlest things completely out of proprotion. Like just because Khole isn’t hanging out with you, doesn’t mean she hates you. I don’t know why I watch that show besides that I was waiting for Sex and the City to come on after and there was nothing else on. Reality TV is stupid, like how can you become famous by having a camera man follow you around in your pj’s?
I don’t think I’d want to be a TV personality. I wouldn’t want every single detail of my life aired on national television. There are somethings in my life that I would much rather keep private. I don’t even like when people watch me fight or if I’m fighting in public, its just embarrassing. People don’t have any class anymore.
Living in my neighborhood, I’ve realized that people DO NOT have class at all. They’d rather walk around with no bra on and mow the front lawn than to actually look decent in public. I don’t cut the lawn, I actually don’t have much lawn but if I did,I would atleast put a bra on.
People should present themselves better, maybe they’ll actually get treated with respect.
Sarah.
So today while I was on twitter I found this account called “College Bucket List”. I thought it was awesome because I never thought of doing a college bucket list. I do a yearly bucket list, I guess you can call it a goal list more so than a bucket list. So I’ve decided I’m going to write my own and share it with you. If you think some should be added, please let me know.. the world is huge and the opportunities are endless
1.Go to a Frat Party: Since I’m in Community College, frat parties don’t exist. I don’t even think parties really exist but since I’ve started college. I haven’t gone to any college parties. You see them on movies where girls go to the fraternities and than get passed out drunk and get date raped. I don’t necessarily want to get date raped but I just want to see the atmosphere and have a good time, and use the funnel.
2. Wear a Bikini: I’ve never worn a full bikini. Even when I was little, my mom always put me in a one piece bathing suit. Bikinis + chubby girls =hot mess. Even my mom was smart when dressing me. My goal is to be able wear a bikini with confidence, even it means wearing it under my graduation gown, I’ll be confident nonetheless.
3. Go to the City with Friends: I’ve never been to New York without my parents and now that I’m almost 20 years old, I think its time I need to spread my wings and fly to the New York world. I personally hate New York City. It’s not my style but everything is exciting there. My friend was telling me how he went on this theatrical bus tour in New York, that sounds really awesome. And I kinda wanna go to the Sex Museam, and that would be awkward to go with your mom..
4. Go Zip lining: Apparently zip lining is the new thing, and with my fear of heights, I think I should do it just to get rid of my fear. Being afraid of things aren’t going get you anywhere. You may fall and hurt yourself but its all about the adrenaline and who knows, you may like it much more than you think.
5.Compete in an Eating Contest: When I was thinking of this I started to laugh. I’ve always wanted to do this but I always feel like a fatass, and than I chicken out. I don’t think I could do hot dogs, but if its like pie, I could do it. I don’t think I’d train or anything. Fatass or Not, we are all going to be puking together after so whats the point of judging?
6. Go To A Rave: I always see all these people in Neon colors going to all these clubs and grinding up on strangers on facebook.I think going to a club would be fun but with that many people and all that music, it must be exciting.Dancing with strangers that you will never see again would be interesting. I hope when I go I don’t discover I have epilepsy or anything.
7.Fall in Love Again: People say that when you first fall in love, you’ll never forget them for the rest of your life. Since I’ve fallen in love so early, I am curious to whether I will ever fall in love again. I wonder if it will feel the same way I do now. I wonder if it will hurt as much as it’s going to. I wonder if the feeling will be better, we’ll just have to wait and see.
8.Go Cowtipping:I know this is EXTREMELY inhumane and I really love animals,but I saw this on tv once and I’ve always wanted to do it. I wanna run around and laugh my ass off as I tipped over cows. I don’t know why people would find this entertaining but I’m strangely really curious. Maybe I’ll just come and watch the cow tipping because #1 I don’t think I’m strong enough to tip over a cow and #2 I don’t think I have the guts to do it.
9. Go to an ABC Party: If you don’t know what an ABC party, its an anything but clothes party. My friend alexis went to one and she wore a garbage bag. She was trying to pull of the “White Trash” look. I think I’d make a dress out of license plates or books, be really creative . I don’t think I’d go all Lady Gaga and wear a meat dress, I think thats kinda gross and cliche.
10. Date a Professor: I’ve only had one remotely cute professor but he had three little kids and drove a mini van so he was out of question completely. Before I graduate I must at least kiss a professor. I know it sounds gross but age doesn’t matter to me. I’m not one of those girls who will sleep with their professors for grades. I’ll bust my ass in the class, but its nice to get a reward at the end of day if you know what I mean ;)
Besides giving me my diploma, I hope college gives me memories and friends that will last a life time.
Sarah.
So yesterday, I have officially found the University I want to go to after Brookdale.Since High School, I had been searching for countless hours for writing schools. I went to AWP and met writing schools but I didn’t really feel a connection with any of them. This College wasnt even at AWP but I love it anyway.
Before I tell you what college I picked (I want to give it some suspense) I want to tell you a backstory of why I picked this area to even think about going to school.
Last summer for my graduation, my mom surprised me with a trip to Disney. I hadn’t gone to disney since I was 6 yrs old. Alot of rides had opened within that 12 years I wasnt there. They also created a Harry Potter theme park, and me being a some what Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go and see what it was all about. But to my surprise, Florida was the least most enjoyable part of the trip. Besides going to Nashville and the Grand Ole Opry on the way there, the trip was a roller coaster of emotions and for a while it wasn’t much fun.On our way home, we stopped in Savannah Georgia. My mom and I have been watching the Food Network together for as long as I could remember. I’ve always wanted to jump into the Tv and taste Paula Deen’s Food. Paula Deen coincidentally, is from Savannah Georgia. I wanted to see the Lady in Sons ( her restaurant) in person because I had heard about it on the show.
Once we got into the town of Savannah, I instantly fell in love with the atmosphere. The roads in downtown Savannah were small, but it was okay. It reminded me a little bit of Red Bank, which made me feel comfortable so far away from home. When we walked into The Lady and Sons I felt like I had finally jumped into the Tv, I could smell the sweet smell of southern comfort food, it was something I had NEVER smelt before in my life. The earliest time we could get a table would have been late so we didn’t eat there but we did buy a piece of Paula Deen’s Pecan Pie and let me tell you, it was the best pecan pie I have ever had in my entire life. As I was eating I was telling my mom I wanted it at my wedding. Before leaving Savannah we went to Paula’s brothers restaurant. It was called Bubbas.It was a seafood restaurant that sat right on the bayou.As we were driving to the restaurant, I kept staring out the window in amazement. The moss that was hanging from the trees was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Once we pulled into the restaurant, I heard the crickets begin to chirp. It wasn’t like New Jersey crickets, these were much louder.
When we walked into the restaurant, I was seated by one of the most attractive men I had ever seen in my life. Sitting down I was shell shock, I had walked into the cowboy Macy’s and I was going to enjoy the good food and the nice view. If I thought the mater de was hott, my waiter was even hotter. His name was mitchell and he sounded like Blake Shelton. He was telling us that New Jersey’s rep was ruined and he was happy we weren’t all guidos. Damn Snookie, ruining our rep.
Anyway, as I sat and ate the best corn bread I’ve ever had, I listened to our waiter talk about the grits,seafood and his life in Georgia. He was really nice, our waiters here are nicer than in New Jersey, so it was a surprise to me. He even let us take a picture with him at the end. My friends wouldn’t believe how hott he was otherwise.
As I was leaving Savannah, I was stuffed, satisfied,and disappointed all at the same time. Savannah itself didn’t disappoint me, leaving Savannah itself did. I didn’t want to leave. I wish I could have spent a week there. Savannah felt like home. Everyone was so nice, and kind it was a BIG difference compared to New Jersey.
So when looking for a school, I decided that a school in Savannah would be the perfect choice. I love the south, I love country music, and finding a writing school in Savannah put the icing on the cake of love and passion. I was talking to this one girl in my English class a few months ago about colleges, she told me she wanted to go to Savannah College. I had never heard of Savannah College. She didn’t tell me at the time it was a university for the arts. So yesterday as I looked up Savannah College for the first time, I was pleasantly surprised that it was a school for the arts. It has my major, it isn’t that expensive, and it is in a good area of Savannah.
I have decided I want to go there for my bachelors instead of my masters. I was going to do a NJ BFA and then a Savannah MFA, but after talking to my friend about it, I have decided that I am too, done with New Jersey. New Jersey is my home, My family, but Savannah and SCAD are my future and I cannot wait to jump into it.
I am not going for another year and a half, but getting all the information was exciting and I thought I would share my excitment with you!
Sarah.
sarahviveca 