For the last week I haven’t been able to really have time to sit and write on here so I thought I’d catch you up on what is going on..

My life is crazy busy. I’ve never had such a crazy life. I feel like I can’t keep up. I am starting to worry about school since its the end of the semester and I want to make sure I do really well. I have been this whole time, but panic mode kicks in about 3 weeks before the  end of the semester and you question where the hell you were this whole time. I’ve been trying to do as much extra credit as I possibly can in this few short weeks left and I feel like nothing is ever going to  be enough  to where I will feel comfortable. Maybe next semester wont be so crazy, but I highly doubt it.

Today I found out that I lost 26 lbs in 1 year. I never realized how fat I was a year ago. I don’t know how any man, especially  Scottie found me attractive… but who knows.. men lie too. I also never realized how 1 year can make such an impact. In 1 short year I have turned into a more shapely girl, but more mature than I was before. I internally and externally changed. It’s hard to look at the old me and not cringe. My mother always told me that I was beautiful but I knew that I wasn’t and I had alot of changing to do. Since September I lost close to 20 lbs, its hard and I can feel the difference but I have to work harder. It’s alot of work keeping the weight off and not starve yourself. But you take one day at a time until you get to the goal you wanna reach.


I’ve never wanted my Christmas shopping to end so badly in my life. Before working in retail I wanted the Christmas season to always be around, I wanted to take my time shopping and pick out the perfect gifts. Now, please I just want to find something and throw it under the tree. I think retail have ruined my Christmas because it just so freaking stressful. It’s so busy and your watching people shop for Christmas and you think “shit, I haven’t even started yet” every single time you have a customer. Also, the more assholes in the store at this time of the year, which means more patience.. and after a long day at school you sometimes just can’t take it.

Tomorrow is another busy day, again. Gym and work and also running my creative writing club at night. Maybe I’ll get some writing done while waiting for everyone to get there. Let’s just hope!

Hope everyone’s lives aren’t as crazy as mine!




This year was the first year that I participated in the cyber monday festivities and I must say, It has now become the most dangerous holiday ever. First of all, I have never shopped online before so I didn’t realize how easy it was. You simply put in your credit card number and BAM there you go and it will be shipped to your house and in your hands in a matter of days. I only got a few things but those few things add up. It’s terrifying because I hate,hate,hate, hate spending money. A few months ago, I ran out of money and I had to use other peoples money and I hated it. I hate feeling poor and not have enough money. I don’t mind spending money on other people, but forget it if I have to buy something for myself. I feel like I just wasted my entire life. It’s absoultly terrible.

This shopping online thing is too dangerous for me. I might buy one more thing right before christmas and then I will be closing the book on online shopping and not open it again until next cyber monday. But there are some really awesome qualities of online shopping. First, you don’t have to talk to anyone. you don’t have to walk around a store or wait in line. It’s nice that way. I work at Kohls, so the less I have to be in a store when I am not on the clock, the happier I am.

With my addicted personality, I’d be afraid with this easy access to every item in the world I would be shopping everyday and draining my bank account dry. It’s a scary thing, but it was nice to get some really cool things that my friends/family will love when they open them on christmas morning.

Let the Christmas Shopping begin!


I’m a Lucky Girl.

As I walked into the 7/11 last night, I realized how lucky I am. I was watching this girl  who was with her boyfriend and I felt like was watching my reflection. She was standing at the doorway of waiting for her boyfriend who was getting coffee. She didn’t look happy but when she saw him walking towards her,she smiled really wide. But than, the guy just walked past her without any recollection of her at all. She followed him with her head down and her smile disappeared. That whole scenario wasn’t my reflection but when the girl left, I asked Scottie if he saw what just happened. He was also getting coffee next to the asshole guy so he didn’t see anything, of course. It hit me that if I was that girl and I smiled really huge when Scottie was walking up to me, I don’t think he would ignore me. He would roll his eyes and call me a geek and we would walk out together.I am lucky that I am not stuck in a situation like that girl was in. In a way, I actually understood her because I was like that atleast once in my life. You’re trapped because you love the person so much  because if you left them, it would  kill you

After our trip to 7/11, Scottie and I we were talking about eyes. Recently, eyes have started to intrigue me. I wonder what people see when they see me. Supposedly I am easy to read, but reading me and looking in my eyes are two very different things. My eyes can tell you one story but “I” can tell you another. He said something that really got me thinking. He said “when you look in my eyes, you see only one thing, right?” and I shook my head. He was surprised. When I look into peoples eyes I see what they want to say but are too afraid to say. I see stories that I can’t read. I see a beautiful mixture of colors that make a person unique. I see the tears that will eventually come. I see feelings that are hidden deep within them. I look into his eyes, I realize how lucky I am.

Yup, I am really corny… and a little cute <3


Gettin Out.

So the other day I went shopping with my friend Shannon. Shannon and I don’t really hang out much, but when we do, its pretty fun and exciting. She just got a boyfriend and she is pretty excited about it. Every time we talk about our relationships. Hers is a little more complicated because her boyfriend has a kid with another woman and so she has “baby mama drama” and so its a little difficult for her. I know I couldn’t deal with being with someone who has a kid. I mean if they found out they has a kid while I was with them I don’t think I would be too mad but I wouldn’t voluntarily get into a relationship with someone who has a kid. I am not out to be someones mom. I am not going to be someones babysitter. But Anyway, besides that, my relationship and her relationship with her boyfriend are pretty much the same. Her boyfriend is 21 and has a kid and is living in his car because he’s having a tough time with it. Scottie is having a tough time right now financially but I’m not going to get into it, its really none of my business. I know he’s strong enough to get out of it and I have the confidence he will.

Shannon was telling me that shes afraid that her boyfriend would leave her and go to a different state. ( her boyfriend has been thinking about going to North Carolina) And it got me thinking, Scottie wants to go to California and I am perfectly okay with it. It’s his life, not mine and I wouldn’t want anyone telling me I couldn’t go somewhere  that I dreamed of going . If someone told me that I couldn’t go to Georgia because they didn’t want me to I would laugh in their face. I guess I am so used to be independent that its okay that Scottie will eventually move along and move to California. He should live a dream and noone should hold him back.It’s funny how the world works, I’ll see him again for sure.

When I was little, my mom signed a contract from my aunts saying I couldn’t leave the state while I was growing up. They wanted to watch me grow up. My mom loved living in different places but after I was born, she had to get strapped down. It sucked for her because I know she would have love to just go. Now, I want to get out, I hope she comes with me.

People want to get out of their homes. I’ve talked to so many people and they say “I gotta get the hell out of here, move on” and I agree. Middletown New Jersey is not going to help me in my career, even though there are people here I love and memories I will never forget. It’s over for me. I can’t improve anymore here.




New Job, New Opportunities.

Today while at my training shift at my new job,  this woman walked up to my register and slam this purse on the counter. She was looking for a price. I looked for a price tag thoroughly and came up with nothing. I said that were was no tag .She said that she knew that  and that she refused to walk back there and get another one because she couldn’t walk. Honey, you walked the entire store shopping, you can’t walk like 30 feet and get another purse with a tag?Because I was training I couldn’t go get another one, she pulled a hissy fit and stormed out of the store. 

I really am shocked with people. They think because we work in retail we automatically are their servants. We are cashiers, you give us your money and you leave, we don’t need to go and get your stuff off the shelf. We aren’t your personal shoppers. My mom works at Acmoore ( craft store) and most of the time she is like these customers personal shoppers. They will literally give her the list and insist that she goes and shops for them instead of them walking the store and looking for the stuff themselves. I would never ever ever go shopping for someone else, I don’t think its my place. I think people need to really look around and make the best sales on their own. 

I feel like at every store its different. When I worked for Bed Bath and Beyond we were not allowed to walk around with the customer ( I got in trouble) and had to stand in front of the register and greet each customer and literally push them out  of the store. I’ve just started Kohls but I can tell its REALLY not like that. They are more worried about getting people to sign up for a credit card than anything, and that’s fine, I think I can handle that. 

It’s funny how all retail stores are different but every customer is pretty much the same. When I was at Bed Bath and Beyond I wasn’t the nicest cashier. But I wasn’t the meanest.  There were some events that my patience was extremely thin and I was not tolerating with my snotty bosses for the customers at all. If they weren’t desperate for people, I should have gotten fired, but they didn’t care about anyone in that store. My friend Brittany works there and I feel bad for her because they literally treat you like a slave. It was my first retail job but now that I am at Kohls, they treat me so much better. Maybe because I have experience, who knows. But I am eager to learn more about the  new job and shop my pay check away… 

I am now Employed, yet again, in retail. I don’t know if that was a good choice. 


I’m Defiantly NOT a Fashionista.

Today I have realized I hate today’s fashion a hell of alot more than I hate the people wearing the clothes.Today I was  hanging out with my friend Kaitlyn and we were at the Freehold Mall ( its one of the biggest malls I’ve ever been to) the funniest thing about the mall is that I left empty handed… not because I currently do not have cash but it was the fact that NOTHING is at all pretty. Amazed by the lack of taste these designers have, I continued to rummage through the endless amounts of ugly clothes that were priced ridiculously high and I realized these were the clothes my mother wore in the 70’s and 80’s. I could get these hideous clothes if I really wanted them for free in my attic. These people think that this is style? I simply don’t understand.

For example, there are things called Beudos ( half bras) and you can wear them underneath a see through shirt so your tits won’t show. Why don’t you just either wear a full tank top or not purchase a see through shirt. When is a see through shirt ever appropriate in the first place? You can never wear it to work. You’d look like a whore if you’d wear it to school. Is everything club wear or strictly for prostitutes and strippers?

The last piece of  clothing I purchased was at costco. COSTCO has better clothes then Macy’s. There is something wrong with this picture. My question is, why do they have to make these ugly clothes so expensive. It doesn’t take millions of dollers to make one shirt. But yet they change 32.99 for a shirt thats not even sewn and short?

If I was a fashion designer I would never make ugly clothes. I would make clothes for comfort and probably the majority of my line would be black. Apparently black makes you look thinner..Thats 75% of my wardrobe.I wear clothes that are comfortable. I’m not out to impress guys so they can look at my tits. I am out to be comfortable because you can’t be in public naked. There are  certain things you shouldn’t make with a patterns or floral. Like Jeans… who in their right mind would ever wear floral jeans. But FOREVER 21 has like 23,000 pairs of them and their flying off the shelves. I would make my clothes workable for everyone woman. The majority of the population are obese but they are still making the clothes for the anorexic and we stupid obese women want to squeezed our fat asses into tight jeans and short shirts.

Muffin Top is so last season. People should look their best in clothes. I try to look as thin as I can in clothes. At times my clothes are too big and yet I wear them anyway… Its all about comfort. Why bother buying a 65$ pair of pants if you can’t sit down in them? Solid colors should go back in style, more women can wear them.

I don’t think I will going to the mall for a while because I don’t want to waste my time. Until the style changes, I will be wearing last seasons clothes  and I don’t care.

Be yourself. Don’t follow trends. It’s like Drugs.