Sunday Train to Penn

To the man standing with me

Waiting for the 8:42 train that never existed, thank you.

I felt less stupid standing there. Before,

I thought of that girl who jumped in front

Of that train months back. How fast they whizz

Next to you and how they won’t stop even you lay

Across the tracks.

 

To the three teenagers sitting across from me

Your porkroll, egg, and cheese sandwiches smell

delectable. If I was either trashy or hungrier

I will pounce you and grab your sandwiches.

But don’t worry, I will just sit here and dream of Dunkin instead.

 

To the man yelling at his son two rows back

What are you going to do if your child touches

whatever you don’t want him to touch again?

Were you really going to hit him in public

or are you just using that tactic all parents use?

Because by 16 he’ll hit you if you even

try to lay a finger on him.

 

To the two annoying girls who took my original seat

I don’t give a shit about you sleeping

On a coffee table. I don’t care how many shots of tequila

you took last night. If I did as many as you said you did

I would be dead, and I’m not saying that

Because I’m a light weight.

 

To the women who sat down next to me

At the second to last stop

I’m intrigued as to why you picked

the empty seat next to me instead of sitting

somewhere else.Thank you

You made me feel less alone.

To that friend waiting for me at Penn station

I’m sorry.

– “Because I have so many things to do and all I want to do is take a nap.”-Andrew O’Hare.

-sarah

Traveling around the Country for Poetry

 

Next Trip: Massachusetts Poetry Festival in Salem! 

http://masspoetry.org/

AWP was such a wonderful time! If anyone gets the opportunity to go, GO it’s such an experience.

 

My fellow writers, has anyone gone to any festivals or conferences? and if you have what one was your favorite?

Eager to hear your responses

sarah.

Fade Into you

So I’ve been watching the new show Nashville on Abc. As much as I don’t like Hayden Panettiere, I really love this show. The music in show is amazing and this song is my favorite. It’s so sassy and sexy. Even though this show is extremely dramatic, and I have enough of that in my life, I really enjoy just sitting on my recliner after a long hardworking week and flip on my ONDemand and see this show waiting for me. It’s a guilty pleasure, but so are all my shows..

Have a great Monday!
Sarah.

Why I am Never Having Children.

So tonight I babysat my cousin’s kids while my other cousin Christina got married. Since we are second cousins,I wasn’t invited to the wedding but it was okay. Instead, I babysat and made money which wasn’t really as bad as I thought it was going to be. While I was sitting there however, I was thinking about children and imagining these kids as my own ( I couldn’t) and realizing I do not have the patience to have kids of my own. It wasn’t that these kids were bad. They were actually really awesome, it was just that I personally couldn’t do it every single day of my life. So I made a list of reasons why I will never have children. If I ever got pregnant accidently ( don’t worry family, I am a proud user of birth control) I would have to do what I had to do, but I give the 16 yr old moms credit. That would NEVER be me. 

1. If you want a drink/ food get it yourself: I have babysat for other kids that weren’t my family and I HATED that I had to do EVERYTHING for the kids. First of all, if you’re 10 you know how to pour a glass of milk. I DO NOT need to do it for you. Second of all, I have no idea where your shit is in your house. You are not a guest, get it yourself. If I was babysitting someone younger I would understand, but if your old enough to play an xbox by yourself, you can pour a glass of milk like a champ. I also have this on my list is because I know its a pain in the ass to cook someone else food instead of yourself. My mom sometimes makes me breakfast before I have to go to school and sometimes she won’t even get to eat herself. When I was little, my mom would make me breakfast and I wouldn’t eat it because I hated eating in the morning. Like, you just wasted your time, and you feel like an asshole for wasting time in the first place. 

2.After the First 2000 times watching a movie, I think it should be burned : I watched this little kid once and all he wanted to watch was Cars. He would fall asleep to the Cars movie. he had cars everything. Everytime I babysat him it was Cars,Cars,Cars. How many time can you watch the same movie without it getting boring and repetitive. Tonight I watched every single episode of a TV animated series I thought my eyes were going to bleed. When my cousin was little was it was a toss up between a few movies so they wouldn’t get stale atleast. But the same movie every single day or for hours at a time… its eye ripping material.

3.This is a no whining zone: I know when I was little I was the queen of the whining zone. I would always whine when I didn’t get my way ( Yes, I was one of those kids) but as I am getting older, whining is the most annoying sound in the whole wide world. While I was working the other night, these two kids were whining to their mom because she wasn’t going to buy their stuff because they were being bad. Be happy you have a mother who can buy you things, some kids don’t that at all. Some kids don’t even know their actual parents. Kids should be happy they were brought into the world.. They should lucky they were even brought into this world and stop bitching.Your nasely annoying voice isn’t going to change anyone’s decision. 

4.  My Career is more Important: Even though I can babysit kids, I know I can go home to a quiet house with no kids and no distractions. I don’t know how I would be able to be a writer and have kids. Actually, I wouldn’t be a writer because it would be too much work.Having a kid to me ruins careers. I need calmness and quiet in my life. I’ve grown up without younger brothers and sisters, so having two kids running around is not something I am interested in participating in.

5.I will not Spend my Money on Useless Toys: I’ve come to realize that Toys R Us is a store for assholes who want to spend there money irresponsibly. Who in their right mind would take their child to a toy store so they can spend an astronomical amount of money on toys they will grow out of? That will cause dust, clutter. Toys that will end up in attack 10 yrs later? I have better things to spend my money on. 

6. I’m too Selfish: Even though I give things to people, I am very selfish. I like my time. I like my routine, my schedule. I like to able to go to the gym whenever I want. To be able to go out till late hours of the night, to able to spend my days at school or hanging out with friends. When you have a child, your life stops. You now have worry about getting a babysitter or asking your mother who has already worked 12 yrs to watch the baby. It’s just a pain the ass. I don’t want to have to worry about paying for DayCare and a babysitter whenever I was to go somewhere. I can take of just me, and not anyone else. 

7. I won’t be a good mother: For all mothers I assume, while you’re pregnant, you are afraid if you will be a good mom and before the first 18 years, you don’t figure that out.My mother did a fantastic job with me. I think I am  a pretty good person with good morals. I am like both my parents, but I think my mother gave me the foundation on being a really great person because my mom is a good person herself. I don’t think I would be a good mom because I would not let them do anything I did. I wouldn’t want them to go through all the shit I have gone through. If it was painful for me, I wouldn’t want my child to go through that too. I would be like my mom in a way that I would give my children space, but also I would be a little more sheltered because I would be afraid of the world. If the world sucks now, then in 10 yrs its going to suck even more and I won’t know what to do. 

 

In 10 yrs things may change. Maybe by 29 I will be ready to have a baby but at 19 or anytime in the next 5 yrs is out of the question entirely. I just started to be able to really take care of myself. I couldn’t imagine taking care of someone else too.. It looks impossible in my eyes. You should still be a kid you’re teens and 20’s, not be having baby’s at 16-17. You are still a baby yourself. 

 

I will not babysitting for a while, but tonight was pretty inspiring.

sarah.

Visiting Writer: Aryn Kyle.

So tonight I went to listen to a writer at my school. My club, Creative writing club, hosts the visiting writing series at Brookdale. We get to have dinner with the writer and talk to the writer directly before the reading itself. It was pretty awesome. Tonight the writers name was Aryn Kyle. She wrote the novel “The God of Animals” and the short story anthology ” Boys and Girls like you and me” She lives in the upper east side and she has been writing for as long as she can remember. She is pretty young and her hair is really pretty  in person. In some ways she looks like Nicole Kidman but without the obnoxious voice and red hair. Her voice reminded me of a book on tape and I wished she read her whole short story book instead of just one story because her voice was just that captivating. I really enjoyed talking to her because she answered questions that I was seeking answers to. Being a young writer is hard, especially when you think your writing is shit half the time. I read one of her stories “Nine”  and it was very good. Also, she can write a killer beginning and a killer ending. I would definitely check her out.

here’s a video of her reading a short story.. It wasn’t the one I heard tonight, but this one is good too.

Tonight was pretty inspiring..
Sarah.

Taking A Chance.

This semester I purposely put alot on my plate when it came to school. I wanted to see if I could balance going to school full time, going to work,running two clubs,and participating in two others.Plus staying active and still being social. For an ordinary person that might sound like way to much but for me, I am somehow managing it,ontop of having a cold for what feels like a million years. I surprise myself on a daily basis. I’ve realized that with all this pressure comes LOTS of organization skills. I’ve never been organized but now that’s all I think about. I plan my days by the minute and only I can change plans. I know it sounds really bitchy but sometimes I can’t fit everything I want to do before I pass out at the end of the day.

But as a writer, I can’t just sit around and wait for inspiration to strike, I have to go out and find it. I never understood how some writers like Emily Dickinson could just sit in her room all day long and write. I would need to go out and smell the air. I need to look at people and take everything I know about them and slap it on paper. My prompt for this week for my creative writing class is to sit somewhere and watch people talk to eachother and take notes aka stalking them. As a “creep” I think its kind of awesome because I do that alot anyway. I eavesdrop all the time. It’s so difficult for me to sit in a restaurant with someone and not eavesdrop.Dates are the worst for me because with all those people around me at a restaurant, I can’t concentrate on the person in front of me.

As a writer you have to creep around a little just to get inspiration. You have to dig deep into a person’s soul for ideas because your soul  holds only so much and there is some stuff you may not want to share to the world. When you’re a writer you MUST take a chance. It may be publishing, or just writing about something you aren’t too comfortable talking about. Last semester,I took a nonfiction writing class, and I must say, that class is the definition of risk. There were tear stains on my paper when I was  handing them in. That class showed how much the world wants to hear your story, even if you don’t want to share it. But as a writer, you must have the confidence in yourself to write it down.

I believe that writing is a way for people to tell the world how they feel without getting beat up in the process. In alot of my writing, especially  in fiction writing, I write things that I wish could happen in my life, or things I wish I could have said  or how I felt about a person when I met them. After becoming friends with fellow writers, I’ve realized that we are all very judgmental people. I can say that I  am one of them. We have gut reactions and they may or may not form into characters but with every person I meet, a little inspiration is left with me.

With my life and in my writing I take  chances.maybe I’m just crazy… who knows.. We’ll find out at the end of the semester..

Sarah.

GoodBye Summer.

Since tonight is the night before the first day of school, I thought It would be appropriate to sum up this summer in this post.The only word that can really fit this summer was relaxing. In all the summers that I can remember, I’ve never had so many memories of just relaxing. I had alot of alone time this summer and all I can say it was much needed. I had time to think  things through instead of just doing things on a whim. I’ve actually got to think about events in my life. I feel like that life goes by so fast that sometimes you don’t have time to just step back and really look at your life, and thats what I did this summer. I realized that the last year has been crazy and this summer is what I needed to really cope and get back to being me. It really wasn’t a learning summer like all the others were. I was content. There wasn’t anything that really made waves. And I am pretty excited and looking forward to my crazy hectic life starting once again. Let’s hope this school year isn’t as emotional and hard as last year was..

Here are some pictures that pretty much sum up my summer…

and maybe a few laughs with cheekz too..

We had to fight off those bennies too…

But in the end,this summer was awesome and full of sand and laughs… thanks summer.Till next year.. Good Bye..

Sarah.

Turning off Real Life.

Over the weekend, I went upstate NY  to visit some friends. I don’t know what it is about being up there around the farms and wide open spaces that opens my mind and helps the creative inspiration and energy flowing again. As we were driving, outside every window was another breath taking image. They almost looked like pictures, thats how perfect it was there. You are in the country side where is green and the air is fresher and cleaner and the bugs are the majority, not people.When I was up there , I walked  around alot. I was always wondering deep into thought because everything I was seeing around me was so beautiful and peaceful. In my head it was like my brain was being drained and seeping into the soft fertile earth. When I go there, I tend to forget what its like at home. When I am there, I hear coyotes instead of honking horns, and when I look up,I see stars. They aren’t like ordinary stars, these stars look like they are going to fall on your face. I also got to go on a tractor, I didn’t turn it on, but it was awesome. I love everything about the country, the music,the people,the atmosphere . I really can’t stand this fast pace moving shit. Everyone is in a rush to get somewhere. In the country its all about patience. It may take you a half hour to get to the food store, but once you get there, its worth it.

I had an awesome vacation. It may have only been 3 days, but it felt like a week.I can’t wait to go back!

Sarah.

Fire in the Sky.

Three barking dogs I hear

out my bedroom window on this morning

dew covers the cars and street lights

like an early morning shower

woman wear dresses and men wear suits

as they prepare to spend their morning with the lord

and thank him for their life.

I sit at my desk and discover

that fire can come out of my hands

that words can form together

and become ground moving masterpieces

that I only I can manifest

the sun begins its day

as the explosion of reds and yellows

create a volcanic effect

in the dark ominous black sky.

I smile

the fire of my fingertips

are making fireworks

in this early morning sky.

 

This is what you get when you randomly wake up at 5 am.

Sarah.

 

When the TV Talks To You

So today I was watching Sex in the City and I am strangely fascinated by this show. Not because the Beautiful Sarah Jessica Parker is in it (I’ve always had a hidden lesbian crush on her) it’s that the show is about the hearts of 4 woman. They go through ups and downs with men of all shapes and sizes but they will always have each other and I find that pretty incredible.

               The other reason I like Sarah Jessica Parker’s role as Carrie Bradshaw in this TV series is because her profession of having a blog. Her blog is pretty much about life with men and the hardships of woman and of life. When I started writing this blog I didn’t know that my life was going to be broadcasted to the world, I didn’t think anyone would read it. Now I have 80 followers and 100’s of likes and its all because of Sex in the City ( well at least some). Carrie Bradshaw’s blog  has been my inspiration in creating and doing my own blog. I feel like I can connect with this character because she sees life in the same way I do. Her life may be completely different than mine, but she has the same process as I do. At the end of the day I sit down and really analysis my life. Sometimes I am not as successful and there are many sleepless nights of me just thinking  but I try just to think about the lessons I’ve learned each day, just like the ending of every Sex in the City episode.

               It’s funny how TV shows can really change your life. I’m not gunna lie and say that True Blood is consuming my life and sometimes I am convinced there has to be vampires in the world. Yes I know that is a little strange, but besides that the character Sookie Stackhouse has showed me that the way I feel is normal. When you love someone, it’s like you are strangely connected to you and they know when they need you the most. They can sense that you are in danger, just like Bill does whenever Sookie is in trouble. I know movies and shows are supposed the make you feel entertained but in some shows and movies I sometimes feel like I connect with these characters in ways that no one can. Its like they are talking to me. It’s like when you’re at a sermon at church and you feel like the priest in talking to just you. That’s what its like, and whoever writes these lines, as a writer myself I am proud.

Sarah.